Bipolar Questions Version 4

This is a continuation from Version 3. Please post here rather than on the version 3 thread. Thanks!

Old question: What is a book you could reread multiple times?
Or a movie you could watch over and over?tle House books by Laura Ingalls Wilder many dozens of times and the Anne of Green Gables books nearly as many. My taste in adult books tends to vary with my mood while those old books are comfortable friends.

Have you tried a weighted blanket?

No. No weighted blanket. I can't imagine having something so heavy on me. I can imagine myself violently throwing such a thing off in my sleep.

What non prescription bipolar remedies have you tried in the past or present? How did it/they work for you?

I am controversial, I use marijuana and CBD a lot. If the sativa is too strong I get more manic like, if the indica and I am already depressed I can get worse. I avoid indica these days.
A hybrid is great and CBD has helped me so much, then THC-a has too. I take a combination of thc and CBd in a gummy in the mornings which has helped me out a lot, but I am still on my journey. I still do what I do .. going without marijuana to prove something, i get bad and have issues getting back.

I've tried various herbal teas, kava, meditation, acupuncture aromatherapy. Outside nature, therapy, art, journals...
I want to do acupuncture again, that I felt helped with stress.
The aromatherapy therapy has been helping me lately too... but not as much.
I've been trying so many things over time, I have trouble accepting this Dx and times...I took meds I felt worse. sometimes i realize that i'm grasping at the same things, like the tea and it hits me- "I've been here before haven't i? What time of the year is it again?".
Idk maybe I am not bipolar but keep getting dx with it.


Do you exercise regularly? If so what helps Keep your routine?

"A laugh is worth a hundred groans in any market." Charles Lamb
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=da7StUzVh3s

No. I have a skin condition from (what I believe is) lamictal that embarrasses me. I have to wear long sleeved workout shirts if I want to work out without showing off the condition. But I lost my gym membership card to get through the doors, and there have been lots of bear sightings around here lately. So nope, not anymore. I wleo can't do a lot of cardio in my apartment because I'm on the 2nd floor, so I'm limited. Best I can do is push-ups and lift hand weights, which I do sometimes... but not really because I'm lazy af.

-----

Which med did you like the most but had to go off of because it gave you nasty side effects or it pooped out on you?

What you said "I have trouble accepting this Dx and times...I took meds I felt worse. sometimes i realize that i'm grasping at the same things, like the tea and it hits me- "I've been here before haven't i? What time of the year is it again?"."

I was diagnosied in 2002 severly depressed hospitalized didnt eat for a week cried and couldnt talk to anyone was put on litium and wellbutrin after i was stable on lithium. Then after my kids i was on just a maintenance dose of lamictol then went off that wen i was having fatigue and my vision got blurry without asking a doctor because we moved around quite a bit in that time period. I just spent 10 waisted years off meds thinking it was something else- convinced! I have been to 3 different general practitioners looking for the cause of my episodes of fatigue and depression refused to go on a mood stabalizer. tested for autoimmune, MS, Cancer, Sleep disorders, connective tissue, allergies.Tried every diet protocol under the sun grain free, paleo, scd, juicing, then back on grain vegan, cbd oil and THC oil (legal in WA state where i used to live) in my tea at night, kava, herbal supplements, st johns wort. Must have blown at least 2K on supplements alone trying each one methodologically journal ling how it effected me.

Then this major episode of severe depression hit - and I feel l ike i felt back in 2002 and I cant believe I forgot how this felt and how i am and its actually so horrible its helping me see clearly- I think in hindsight I was having hypomanic and mild depression states and I was addicted to the hypomania and kept trying to get back there but now that I feel like this again i realize I ahvent been normal since I was on a mood stabalizer and I remember normal but not what it felt like. However I was sos much more functional I'll take normal over hypomanic any day. None of the homeopathy and nature hikes and pot none of that helped. Nicotine helps my fatigue but its so temporary i get maybe a 30 min boost of focus for 2mg lozenge.

I was so convinced it was Bipolar but now I look back on it an i was only able to hold a job and go to school the times i was on a mood stabalizer. Now im at square 1 with a new therapist and unless i want to be hospitalized she can only see me 1x a month and its taken 2 months already now and I'm still not on the lithium she says shes putting me back on- she wants an eeg first.

=( I feel like a complete medical crazy pot with how many natural cures and money i've tried and waisted. Pot helped me wake up a little perkier in the morning for a little while but did nothing one this more severe depression his- now Im in Germany and can't get on meds fast enough =(.

I guess a few meds qualify. Zyprexa, Trilafon (perphanazine), and Geodon. The Zyprexa and Trilafon really worked great at controlling my moods and making me feel more normal, but both made me gain weight rapidly and Zyprexa also gave me akathisia. Geodon was very weight friendly and initially helped well, but then its maximum dose stopped being effective enough to control my mania, and later down the line it gave me horrible akathisia. I would agree to take Zyprexa or Trilafon again simply as short-term "emergency" only medications, but only short-term.

Which medication gave you the most or absolute most unbearable side effect(s)?

Seroquel. Made me severely depressed and gave me suicidal thoughts.

How many pills do you take in the morning, including supplements?

I take 5 in the morning right now.

Do you have a sleep disorder?

Not to my knowledge, but I do have sleep issues.

How easy is it to stick to a healthy diet for you?

Sometimes I'm amazingly dedicated and motivated about dieting. Other times I really struggle. I've lost 35 and 40 lbs in periods of six months a couple times in the past. Other times I make it to 10 or 25 and then fall off the diet wagon. Sometimes I get excited about dieting again and it lasts no longer than 12 hours to a couple weeks. There are many times when I say "The heck with it".

I will say that certain medications or certain doses affect my ability to stick to a diet plan. Sometimes it's just my mood. I lost 10 lbs on Seroquel XR this past spring, but have since regained 7 of the pounds. My current dose of 600 mg gives me a major challenge. At 450 mg and below I think it's usually weight neutral. I regard my other current medications as weight neutral.

If you could pick two things that you currently have trouble doing that you could more easily do, what would they be?

I could watch "Apocalypse Now" over and over. I'm fascinated by the Vietnam War and all of its complexities - the politics, the people, the madness, the music, the drugs, the protests, the divisiveness, the ignorance, the battles, and the inevitable outcome. If you haven't seen it, the movie is a brilliant story with magnificent acting and cinematography.

As for books, I could read "Into Thin Air" by Jon Krakauer over and over. I think it took me two days to finish.

Bipolar question. Does this happen to anyone else or is it something besides bipolar?
For my personal experience, If I get into an argument or someone yells or personally attacks me, I escalate the situation in my head rapidly or grossly over react. A simple negative conversation can quickly turn into violence and/or threats of violence. I can stay angry at that person for days or weeks with the event continually replaying in my mind. When I finally get over it, I fall into depression mainly because I'm mad at myself for the way I acted.
Because of the way I over react, I tend to stay to myself avoiding friends, family and social situations.
I also have recurring thoughts of Murdering and torturing people. These thoughts used to be disturbing but has been going on for such a long time that they are more like fantasies now. Enjoyable and only somewhat disturbing.
These thoughts have been with me since about 12-14 yrs of age. I was hospitalized in 2007 while in a manic phase having delusions and hallucinations. Diagnosed with Bipolar 1

welcome to psychcentral

yes I get this sometimes to.

to me though, it's less anger, more fear

that the person hates me or is going to reject me

Q:If you could pick two things that you currently have trouble doing that you could more easily do, what would they be?

1) I would be able to work
2) housework

Do you feel ashamed of what you cannot do because of your bipolar?

Yes!

Q.Are you considered disabled by Bipolar illness?

Yes (along with PTSD, GAD and OCD).

Do you have memory problems (inspired by forgetting the question I intended to ask!)?

Yes, I have some memory problems. Some due to illness, some due to side-effects.

Q. Do you have chronic pain?

No, thank God.

Do you think you inherited a tendency towards bipolar?

Apparently. IP doctors thought my grandma had bipolar, but she died before she could ever be diagnosed with it, and there was ultimately dementia involved as well. But she had the whole no sleeping thing, hallucinating, hyperactivity, rapid speech, etc..

If you had enough money to buy only ONE of your meds this month, which med would you choose and why?

That is a very difficult question for me because most of my medications have very clear important uses. If I don't take my levothyroxine, my hypothyroidism symptoms will come back. If I don't take my propranolol, I could definitely get tachycardia, which could be miserable, scary, and maybe dangerous. If I stop my Klonopin, I could get severe benzo withdrawal, which could be dangerous. I guess if I had to choose only one of my bipolar medications, I'd choose Seroquel XR because it is clearly my most all around effective one. If I didn't take Tegretol XR, I'd be afraid that musical hallucinations and other possible symptoms would return, but I guess I could live with them. A neurologist thinks I may have a form of epilepsy, and Tegretol XR is my primary antiepileptic med, as well as a bipolar mood stabilizer. I think the only medication I take that MIGHT be expendible is Lamictal. I take a small dose of that, and think Seroquel XR could make up for its discontinuance.

If I truly had to pick only one med for only one month I guess ugh ugh ugh...I'd pick Klonopin? I would be pretty bad off that month, though. Maybe hospitalized.

What medication that you've taken in the past (or present) was/is the least effective for you (excluding side effects)?