[Goals2017]

I’ve found myself becoming bitter and cold towards life now. I constantly think why me and what if’s about me being bipolar. What do I do? What have y’all done when you’ve reached your limit with this illness and life?

[pirilin]

Do your eyes work?. Can you type?.
Millions would give anything for that priviledge alone.

Cheers.

[Row Jimmy]

I think changing the course is about finding new activities and purpose. Turn off the TV, the negativity, and find a new direction. For me, I either get outside or work on my models. Time moves quickly and my mind is engaged. In the end, I feel renewed.

Therapy first and foremost. Second push yourself to try new things. Put your focus on bipolar to the side for a moment and put your attention on something you enjoy. I find for myself that nature, books and dancing help when I'm struggling.

[Blueberrybook]

I'm pretty much there right now. We've just had bad things, bad luck keep happening again and again. The only job my husband (even with a PhD) could get was teaching high school science as this area has had a glut of PhD's from lack of funding to NASA/JSC and NASA contractors, resulting in many layoffs and my husband's lack of first author publications (even searching nationwide for jobs) making it hard for him to find a job. So my husband had layoffs, jobs with failed startup companies, MIL passed away in late December (with a delayed funeral due to holidays and more deaths over Christmas than other times of the year). I had a perforated ulcer requiring an ambulance, emergency surgery, 6 days in the hospital, staple removal after several days home, followups with the GI doc, an upper endoscopy, on top of psych issues & meds. Our health insurance sucks. The insurance Texas gives to teachers is just a disgrace. We had 2 big AC repair bills, 2 car tows & repair bills. We are struggling a lot financially, and now have problems with the HOA complaining about a violation to the rules we've had over a decade that really never deterred from the look of the neighborhood; it's not like this area is fancy & rich, what with nearby chemical plants (sometimes causing shelter in place, windows closed, AC off when chemical mishaps occur) and many of the houses in the area being rentals.

I have so many diagnoses, I've given up on which one causes which problem, other than panic disorder causing panic attacks.

I have to just take it one day at a time. Some days, a lot of days actually are harder than others. And from time to time I get the bright idea that stopping my meds cold turkey is what I need to do (though that tends to end in disaster).

I don't work, maybe that makes it easier, I don't know, but it makes finances tighter, and I tend to have to be the one who disciplines my daughter, even if it's just sending her to her room for time-outs or taking away her iPad/computer privileges for a time, getting her to bed on time & up & ready in the morning, none of this stuff she likes, and she knows exactly what to do to push my buttons, making it hard to keep my temper.