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Old Oct 12, 2018, 05:01 PM
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Blueberrybook Blueberrybook is offline
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This probably belongs in another forum, but I've written about all the CPS stuff here the most, so that is where I am posting this.

I am having severe anxiety about being noticed and/or needing to talk to people who work at my daughter's school (haven't had to since & after the CPS case). She is a 5th grader, her last year of elementary school. The elementary schools tend to be small; the principal knows every child by name, you know a lot of the teachers, especially if they move up from a lower to higher grade, the librarian, the counselor, PTO members.

The fallout from the CPS case has me so anxious to do anything involving my daughter's school. I know the CPS caseworker talked to both my sisters and brothers-in-law (they told me); she talked to my pdoc and therapist (they told me when I asked). I am paranoid about who the CPS worker talked to at her school: probably the principal since she has been the principal since my daughter was in kindergarten and the school counselor, current teachers? past teachers? And if past teachers, how far past, like all the way back to kindergarten? What about teachers like PE coaches, the music teacher, the computer teacher? They do not change year to year.

This issue is bothering me SO much. I don't want to do anything where I have to interact with other adults involved in the school. But the principal is a workaholic, she is there every single school function, PTO meeting, etc.

My daughter's school has a fall festival coming up Oct. 21. I am so nervous about it. H says I need to get over these anxieties and start jumping back in. Soon they have a Latin heritage dance. Semester awards. Competitions. The school spelling bee (daughter has been in it 2 years in a row, and odds are good she will be there again), breakfast with mom, 5th grade elementary school graduation, OMG, the list goes on forever.

I don't know what to do. How to get over these anxieties, how not to feel judged by anyone the CPS caseworker may have talked to.

It already panicked me when I had to pick my daughter up early one day for throwing up. Another day, I had to bring her a longer dress. Though it was in the dress code, my daughter's super-strict/semi-mean teacher deemed it too short. I had panic attacks upon entering the school both times, and that was luckily not even running into the school principal.

How do I get through this?
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  #2  
Old Oct 12, 2018, 05:15 PM
yellow_fleurs yellow_fleurs is offline
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I can understand why this could make you feel anxious. Something to maybe remember is that since the CPS case was closed, that means no one they talked to probably said anything too bad about you. And I don't think they could go around telling just anyone about your mental health history, probably it's them more collecting info from the people they interviewed than the other way around. Also, being a school it's possible they have dealt with this with other parents, not just you. Is this something you might want to discuss in therapy?
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  #3  
Old Oct 12, 2018, 05:21 PM
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Blueberrybook Blueberrybook is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by yellow_fleurs View Post
I can understand why this could make you feel anxious. Something to maybe remember is that since the CPS case was closed, that means no one they talked to probably said anything too bad about you. And I don't think they could go around telling just anyone about your mental health history, probably it's them more collecting info from the people they interviewed than the other way around. Also, being a school it's possible they have dealt with this with other parents, not just you. Is this something you might want to discuss in therapy?
Yes, I definitely think I need to address this issue in therapy, the sooner the better. It has got me super anxious. And I am already anxious around other people outside of family, even people I've known (in passing for years), like the school prinicipal, the adults who attend the library book club, the librarian moderating it. friends of H's, other mothers when I tried a mom's group when my daughter was a toddler even low-key friends of H's, i.e., friends that he role plays with, nothing stressful or judgemental about role-playing friends.

I hate this! Even thinking about it makes my anxiety shoot sky high.
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  #4  
Old Oct 12, 2018, 05:59 PM
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MsSchadenfreude MsSchadenfreude is offline
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This is hard, but try not to care what THEY think. The thing that really matters is being there for your daughter. They are a small moment of your life...and then you will move on, and your daughter won't even be at that school one day.

It's okay.

I love this quote, because I too, have had insecurities of "what people might think" in certain situations that I really shouldn't have worried about.

A good quote by Dr. Seuss (I think):
"Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind".
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  #5  
Old Oct 12, 2018, 06:33 PM
mugwort2 mugwort2 is offline
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I think MsSchadenfreude is right. Concentrate on the important things and don't sweat the small stuff. What matters is you are there for your daughter. Hugs to you both.
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  #6  
Old Oct 12, 2018, 06:47 PM
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downandlonely downandlonely is offline
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Sorry about all the anxiety. I hope you can work on dealing with it with your therapist.
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  #7  
Old Oct 12, 2018, 07:45 PM
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~Christina ~Christina is offline
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Your anxious about everything so I would just address “ anxiety “ and learn beginning coping skills that will help you manage “ life”

The CPS is over focus on more important things. Your spending more time interacting with your daughter is HUGE!

Lol I’d still get her a cute alarm clock
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  #8  
Old Oct 12, 2018, 07:58 PM
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TheSeaCat TheSeaCat is offline
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I would talk about that with your therapist and just try and take deep breaths. There is a chance they don't know about the CPS case. I also agree with ~Christina that spending more time with your daughter is huge. I wish you luck.
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  #9  
Old Oct 12, 2018, 09:34 PM
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Moose72 Moose72 is online now
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Boy am i fat. Just looked in the mirror. ****iing drugs. I want off seroquel so bad! Im stuck at 300. Its like its impossible to lose weight. My metabolism is screwed from APs. Exercising doesnt seem to help either.
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  #10  
Old Oct 14, 2018, 06:17 AM
MJLouise MJLouise is offline
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Okay I have some advice but I have never had to deal with cps. I have dealt with severe panic attacks and anxiety when dealing with IEP special ed services for my son. and experience panic and anxiety often at school functions.

If its something like an event I need to attend for my kids I let myself forget about it- put the worry in an imaginary basket and totally forget- but I set an alarm to that morning to remind me of the event so i just go. That way anxiety doesnt have time to build up. like ripping off a bandaid.

If its something for moms but i can't get there by myself I bring a friend who knows about my anxiety (no one knows about BP) that way we can chat with each other and my anxiety doesnt build feeling like i need to make small talk with people (small talk often makes me so anxious I start stuttering).

If its something like a picnic and my husband or friend cant come I bring something to work on to keep my attention and focus and hands busy- I learned to knit, embroider, crochet. I keep it in my purse and pull it out when ever I feel awkward or panic and anxiety and I try to control my breathing slowly and without being noticed while I stich.

If people ask and I'm forced to talk I often feel strange that I have a masters degree and don't work and that im home sick most day so I describe myself as an aspiring writer and illustrator which is true and also explains why i don't go out much I'm very into my work (even though when I'm depressed nothing gets done and im really in bed).

I can usually use these coping measure for my kids sake but it often doesn't work for my own out of the house events. I've cancelled many dr apts and coffee with friends because i couldn't push myself for me. But I'm usually able to push myself for my kids. The exception is when im in a severe depression on top of the anxiety then I just say i cant go cuz im sick which is also true, depression is sickness.

Oh also I do know a friend who had CPS called on her because the neighbors heard yelling and fighting and the neighbors didn't like each other. Also my brother in law's X called in a CPS complaint that was false to try to have more evidence in court but the court knew what she was up to it happens a lot so it didn't work and just looked bad on her... I guess its common for people to use CPS as retaliation or for other false reasons. Just know they c an't tell about your medical conditions hippa laws. all they can do i ask questions and investigate.

Hope this helps
-Louise
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  #11  
Old Oct 14, 2018, 05:25 PM
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This anxiety is probably feeding into your eating disorder. Talking with your therapist is a great suggestion.
((((HUGS)))))
bizi
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  #12  
Old Oct 14, 2018, 06:08 PM
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Blueberrybook Blueberrybook is offline
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Definitely going to bring it up ASAP when I see the T again.

Her schedule shifted, and she has to be in Houston proper most of the morning; then she does afternoon but mostly evening appointments nearby (drive time from Houston is never predictable), but H works late on most Fridays, and while I will leave my daughter home alone for 10 minutes to dash to a nearby pharmacy or small grocery store, I am not yet ready to leave her alone for a 50 minute therapy appointment.

We moved my appt. from Fridays to Tuesdays. This week that appointment time shift is going to come in very handy for me though. I will get to see her sooner this week, not a long wait at all.
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Bipolar 1, PTSD, anorexia, panic disorder, ADHD

Seroquel, Cymbalta, propanolol, buspirone, Trazodone, gabapentin, lamotrigine, hydroxyzine,

There's a crack in everything. That is how the light gets in.
--Leonard Cohen
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  #13  
Old Oct 16, 2018, 07:06 PM
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Blueberrybook Blueberrybook is offline
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Discussed this a lot with my T today.

She was very helpful having me put myself in roles or people I was extra nervous or anxious about meeting, then wondering what their thoughts would be in said situation, and I was then thinking if I were the principal at a school Latin Heritage Dance, just how much focused I would be on myself and the CPS case if I were the principal and what the principal would be much more likely to be thinking about.

Then, she reassured me too, if the school felt I were a danger to my daughter, they wouldn't have let me picked her up from school when she thew up (after the investigation began but before it closed). The same with them not calling me to bring my daughter a longer dress; hers was too short, and letting me help my daughter change clothes in the family restroom near the office. So obviously, the people at the school who needed to know about the CPS case like knew or realized the outcome of the CPS case was in my favor.

So that helped a bit. And even realizing that usually the teachers are stressed about whatever X event is and/or not happy about being chosen to work at a school festival on the weekend selling concessions, not focused on thoughts about me. Even the class parties are stressful for the teachers.
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Bipolar 1, PTSD, anorexia, panic disorder, ADHD

Seroquel, Cymbalta, propanolol, buspirone, Trazodone, gabapentin, lamotrigine, hydroxyzine,

There's a crack in everything. That is how the light gets in.
--Leonard Cohen
Hugs from:
Wild Coyote
  #14  
Old Oct 16, 2018, 07:49 PM
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Wild Coyote Wild Coyote is offline
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I'm very happy for you!

It appears you have found a T you can work with.


WC
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