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  #1  
Old Oct 20, 2018, 01:04 PM
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clydeblack clydeblack is offline
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Every time I think things are going well I almost drop the ball. Three weeks on and then the rest of the year off. I don't know how I'm supposed to live life and accomplish things like this. It gets in the way of everything I do, even what I love. I just want to kill myself. Then I wouldn't have to deal with this anymore.

Last edited by atisketatasket; Oct 20, 2018 at 02:44 PM. Reason: Added trigger icon
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  #2  
Old Oct 20, 2018, 01:14 PM
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(((((clyde)))))
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  #3  
Old Oct 20, 2018, 02:41 PM
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Originally Posted by whispershadow View Post
(((((clyde)))))
Thanks
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  #4  
Old Oct 20, 2018, 03:42 PM
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I’m sorry you are having a difficult time. Please keep posting if it helps.
  #5  
Old Oct 20, 2018, 03:56 PM
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I still struggle with the fact that ill always have this illness. Be kind to yourself.
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Old Oct 20, 2018, 05:14 PM
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I am sorry things are so hard for you Stay safe.
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Bipolar 1, PTSD, anorexia, panic disorder, ADHD

Seroquel, Cymbalta, propanolol, buspirone, Trazodone, gabapentin, lamotrigine, hydroxyzine,

There's a crack in everything. That is how the light gets in.
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  #7  
Old Oct 20, 2018, 06:37 PM
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~Christina ~Christina is offline
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Bipolar cycles , that’s the one consistent thing it does it will shoot you out the other side. Just ride the waves and float when you just can’t take anymore , float

Please go to the er if you need it
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  #8  
Old Oct 20, 2018, 07:10 PM
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clydeblack clydeblack is offline
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Thanks guys. My medication really milds my highs. So, most of my life I'm just depressed.

Every semester this happens. I just cut myself again.

I have a bottle of klonopin, valium and atarax with me. I need to finish my work but that's just in my mind so much. I'm trying to stay away from them.
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  #9  
Old Oct 20, 2018, 07:33 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by clydeblack View Post
Thanks guys. My medication really milds my highs. So, most of my life I'm just depressed.

Every semester this happens. I just cut myself again.

I have a bottle of klonopin, valium and atarax with me. I need to finish my work but that's just in my mind so much. I'm trying to stay away from them.
Do you need to call someone? Please stay safe.
Thanks for this!
clydeblack
  #10  
Old Oct 21, 2018, 09:26 AM
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Do you have anyone who could hold your meds for you?
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The darkest of nights is followed by the brightest of days. 😊 - anonymous

The night belongs to you. 🌙- sleep token

"What if I can't get up and stand tall,
What if the diamond days are all gone, and
Who will I be when the Empire falls?
Wake up alone and I'll be forgotten." 😢 - sleep token
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  #11  
Old Oct 21, 2018, 09:42 AM
Anonymous45023
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Thinking of you. How are you doing today, clyde?
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  #12  
Old Oct 21, 2018, 08:44 PM
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clydeblack clydeblack is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967 View Post
Do you need to call someone? Please stay safe.
I called Lifeline just to talk to someone. Thanks for your concern
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  #13  
Old Oct 21, 2018, 08:45 PM
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clydeblack clydeblack is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by raspberrytorte View Post
Do you have anyone who could hold your meds for you?
Not really, but I keep them in a cabinet away from my room.
  #14  
Old Oct 21, 2018, 08:48 PM
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clydeblack clydeblack is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Innerzone View Post
Thinking of you. How are you doing today, clyde?
Thanks I just feel lost, so a lot of times I wonder what's the point. I can't believe what triggered this was an essay. I'm so afraid I won't be able to keep doing the things I like. This happens every time.

My bf committed suicide, and sometimes I just want to join him.
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  #15  
Old Oct 21, 2018, 08:51 PM
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clydeblack clydeblack is offline
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Update: I'm still around. Just got back from a doing a photoshoot for one of my projects.

Now I'm feeling like I can't do enough. I hurt myself but not as bad as I would have liked to. It makes me feel like I've failed. I'm so tired. I need a break, but we don't get one until Christmas. And then when I go back home the environment is always so chaotic and stressful. I just don't know where to feel safe anymore.

Thanks everyone for your concern.
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  #16  
Old Oct 22, 2018, 09:22 AM
Anonymous32891
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(((((clyde))))) I'm glad you're here
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