[cashart10]

I’m sorry for bombarding the board. I’m having a hard time and I have a massive and intense overwhelming fear about having a nervous breakdown that I am thinking will be realized. I pray I’m wrong. I am mixed up in this music tonight. Note that these songs are fierce, passionate and emotional so don’t listen if that might trigger you. But, I just wanted to share with you the consummate torment in my head and gut right now. The klonapin isn’t working and I can’t seem to fall asleep.

Sia-breathe me:

Ani Difranco-Grey:

Ani Difranco-Jukebox

[Guiness187055]

Can your doctor call you in something stronger for sleep until you see him?

[Wander]

I too get extremely obsessed about certain songs at times. Ones that touch me deeply emotionally. Last week I drove in circles for over an hour listening to the same song on repeat. I was crying with profound joy and sorrow at the same time. Coincidentally, today I was listening to ‘Grey’. This has been happening for a few weeks and gets intense. I guess I’m saying I understand a bit of what you are experiencing but don’t know what it implies for you. For me it means I am apparently in a episode of some sort and could be getting worse or better.

Don’t make rash assumptions. You may get through this ok. Still, contact your pdoc now if possible. Best to get on top of this ASAP. Take care.

Hi cashart. I understand your pain. I really do! Though I realize your hyperfocus on music (and I recall you wrote something about Rod Stewart) is not exactly the same, I went through a period of maladaptive daydreaming that I believe had some similarities to what's going on with you. During that period, I also experienced bouts of dissociative symptoms (depersonalization/derealization and even hallucinations, blackouts, and delusions, to a degree). It was a rough period, but I eventually transitioned out of it.

Please don't let anyone minimize your strife and the intensity of what you are going through. I don't mean that you don't need help. Just the opposite. Just don't let any therapist or psychiatrist laugh it off.

[cashart10]

Originally Posted by Guiness187055

Can your doctor call you in something stronger for sleep until you see him?

She is changing from Klonapin to Xanex so I can sleep more at night and not be tired during the day. I am also starting to take the entire dose of Navane in the evenings tonight. She said she wants to make sure my anxiety doesn’t turn into something worse.

[cashart10]

Originally Posted by Wander

I too get extremely obsessed about certain songs at times. Ones that touch me deeply emotionally. Last week I drove in circles for over an hour listening to the same song on repeat. I was crying with profound joy and sorrow at the same time. Coincidentally, today I was listening to ‘Grey’. This has been happening for a few weeks and gets intense. I guess I’m saying I understand a bit of what you are experiencing but don’t know what it implies for you. For me it means I am apparently in a episode of some sort and could be getting worse or better.

Don’t make rash assumptions. You may get through this ok. Still, contact your pdoc now if possible. Best to get on top of this ASAP. Take care.

I understand entirely. Anytime I am manic, I almost always have delusions surrounding music/artists or showers/water. It never fails. I am feeling pretty confident based on the amount of anxiety (which is feeling a bit like terror as I sit at my daughters’ gymnastics) that I am going under.

[cashart10]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

Hi cashart. I understand your pain. I really do! Though I realize your hyperfocus on music (and I recall you wrote something about Rod Stewart) is not exactly the same, I went through a period of maladaptive daydreaming that I believe had some similarities to what's going on with you. During that period, I also experienced bouts of dissociative symptoms (depersonalization/derealization and even hallucinations, blackouts, and delusions, to a degree). It was a rough period, but I eventually transitioned out of it.

Please don't let anyone minimize your strife and the intensity of what you are going through. I don't mean that you don't need help. Just the opposite. Just don't let any therapist or psychiatrist laugh it off.

Thankfully increasing Seroquel and adding Navane put my head back on earth. I’m fine now just being close to Rod Stewart in his forums (although I must admit I am still listening to that song on repeat a bit irrationally). But, the music thing, I meant the lyrics mostly in these songs. While the music is incredibly touching, the lyrics focus on anxiety and depression. Ani Difranco’s Jukebox pretty much sums up my current thoughts and feelings in both music and lyric and so I have been listening to it a lot. Like I just mentioned, I often have delusions and obsessions about music. It is often a telling sign that I am/am getting sick.