[Unrigged64072835]

Hi everyone--

I hate this time of year. From Thanksgiving for about 1 1/2 weeks my mind is in PTSD hell. It's been this way for over 20 years and I really want it to stop. I was really hopeful this year but no, same old crap. Two nights of nightmares so next to no sleep. Lots of little things going wrong and I'm very frustrated and anxious. I just want to get to this weekend so I can put up the holiday decorations and have something else to focus on instead of this instinctual fight or flight crap. I think I shocked my husband when I had finished straightening out the home loan process (bank had to resend a document for him to review), then got a call from yet another robodialer. I screamed into the phone and hung up. He was like, whoa...I've been trying to keep my feelings from him so he wouldn't be stressed out, but it slipped.

I'll be okay, though. It will end soon and things will be fine.

Love and hugs to everyone.

[Tryingtobehappy5]

Originally Posted by Moose72

Three times a day? I thought I was a sex fiend!

Haha I wish it wasnt just myself most of those times but H isnt the same as he was 10 years ago hahaha. And its definitely not my normal habit lol.

Im at 4 already today and at the point of begging him for more, I get sick of doing it myself. Plus I went for a 7km run at -21C(legs are frozen lol) and cleaned my kitchen, bathroom and 3 kids rooms.

All that on 3.5hrs sleep and a small banana spinach smoothie because I didnt want to sit to eat.

Im afraid pretty soon I will have to admit that this might not be a healthy state.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Fharraige

Hi everyone--

I hate this time of year. From Thanksgiving for about 1 1/2 weeks my mind is in PTSD hell. It's been this way for over 20 years and I really want it to stop. I was really hopeful this year but no, same old crap. Two nights of nightmares so next to no sleep. Lots of little things going wrong and I'm very frustrated and anxious. I just want to get to this weekend so I can put up the holiday decorations and have something else to focus on instead of this instinctual fight or flight crap. I think I shocked my husband when I had finished straightening out the home loan process (bank had to resend a document for him to review), then got a call from yet another robodialer. I screamed into the phone and hung up. He was like, whoa...I've been trying to keep my feelings from him so he wouldn't be stressed out, but it slipped.

I'll be okay, though. It will end soon and things will be fine.

Love and hugs to everyone.

It's always good to hear from you.

I am very sorry you are going through hell!

I'd yelled at a robocaller the other day, too! Everyone around me was shocked! I was fed up!

I then was told about a site called: nomorobo.com I followed the directions and now robocalls are re-routed. They do ring just once here and then are diverted. Take a look if interested, it might help?

I hope you get some relief very soon!

Please know you are missed when you are away.

Thanks so much for checking in!


WC

[Nammu]

Originally Posted by Tryingtobehappy5

Haha I wish it wasnt just myself most of those times but H isnt the same as he was 10 years ago hahaha. And its definitely not my normal habit lol.

Im at 4 already today and at the point of begging him for more, I get sick of doing it myself. Plus I went for a 7km run at -21C(legs are frozen lol) and cleaned my kitchen, bathroom and 3 kids rooms.

All that on 3.5hrs sleep and a small banana spinach smoothie because I didnt want to sit to eat.

Im afraid pretty soon I will have to admit that this might not be a healthy state.

Smooth landings.

[Tryingtobehappy5]

Originally Posted by Nammu

Smooth landings.

Wish I didnt understand. Or did understand and cared more about that than how f**$ing good I feel and proving the Drs wrong. I dont want to be the one who's wrong.

[beauflow]

s for those that need or want one

I am okish today.. except I didn't dress properly for the weather.. a part of me thinks it's still summer I guess.

last night I talked with my ex about earlier mini melt down, then also my bank account, me also putting in a complaint at work for possible hostile work place earlier this month.... he like, before mentioned meds. This morning I wonder about projection of his own desire of needing meds, but I must be honest with myself.
With meds- i kept my last script filled bottles that were given to me, because idk why.... I kept them "just incase " but also know not to take them now because they are a year old and I am not in therapy atm.

Tbh I don't get this, especially the complaint at work- I was fed up and no one says anything, so I spoke up because I do have less to lose than most... yes, my written complaint was a bit aggressive and I made sure to write it as if I was going to have to take it further..and every one at work gets why I did this.. I may have went a but far with stating my true opinion though that the executives assist with creating the environment. I just don't understand humans, really with this sort of thing... everyone gets why I brought it up, or so they say.


I am very leery on taking meds because the times I have - I feel like I get worse... course there's times not on meds I think I probably should be on them, then I have days where there's nothing wrong with me.... what if I am just aware on a different level?

Anyways- Got to work today, and problems problems problems... and I have done what I can. December is going to be a mess. I am pretty apathetic right now because If i cared I'd be a mess. keep reminding myself I've done what I can...

and watch in a few days or weeks I'll be panicking that I should had done more. I'll try not to.

I have 6 vacation days to take off still.

[Lefty Seven]

Chinese military hackers broke into a friend's phone and are demanding $80,000 not to broadcast video footage of sex with his ex. I'm 91% sure that the Chinese military hackers are his ex.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Innerzone

I HATE MY £%#<#}>€!!!! JOB!!!!!!!

Too much to go into, I'm already fit be tied. If I thought I could just stroll into a new job, I'd walk out. Yeah, THAT'S how much. Everything recently has just been changed to nightmares. And they want me to get behind this nonsense to teach others?! I think not. That's only one reason I've never done any managerial crap. I call BS BS. Oh, I am SO PO'd!

Oh damn!!!! Why does workplaces make changes that wind up being a cluster F^%# for everyone.

I’m crossing all my body parts that you find something better FAST !!

[~Christina]

Thus far I am not impressed with today.

Our power went out this morning for a few hours. space heaters didn’t automatically turn back on. So it’s in the 50’s inside my house. I’m cold despite lots of layers and blankets Eventually it will hit 60 that’s our normal temp inside because we just can’t afford to keep it warmer.

Another night of 20-22 for a low I’m not pleased about.

Of course no power means my husband went hours without his oxygen on while sleeping. So dripping faucets, heat and his oxygen has me very stressed.

/endrant

Hugs to all !

[TheSeaCat]

Hi guys today was good work wise the cat is now out of the bag at work that I also have an Information Technology degree, so I was disturbed by a doctor to fix his Dragon Mic and his exam room printer kept printing to the wrong printer. You should have seen under his desk it’s a wonder their isn’t a mouse, so I grabbed the vacuum and handed it to him and he looked personally offended that I suggested he vacuum his own office, his face was amusing. I really do love my job and all the provider’s.

I am currently at the gym changing into my swim suit, R and M decided to try swimming to see if that doesn’t send me into a cardiac event so I’m going to go hop into a indoor pool and try to get some of this weight off.

Therapy went well last night I’m making some progress with the PTSD.

Hugs to everyone and I will see you all after some gym time

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Thus far I am not impressed with today.

Our power went out this morning for a few hours. space heaters didn’t automatically turn back on. So it’s in the 50’s inside my house. I’m cold despite lots of layers and blankets Eventually it will hit 60 that’s our normal temp inside because we just can’t afford to keep it warmer.

Another night of 20-22 for a low I’m not pleased about.

Of course no power means my husband went hours without his oxygen on while sleeping. So dripping faucets, heat and his oxygen has me very stressed.

/endrant

Hugs to all !

Im sorry youre going throigh this. Especially the oxygen. I use a cpap and when our power goes out i can't sleep. And to be cold on top of it! Rant away. Any of us would if we were in your shoes. **knock on wood*

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by Fharraige

Hi everyone--

I hate this time of year. From Thanksgiving for about 1 1/2 weeks my mind is in PTSD hell. It's been this way for over 20 years and I really want it to stop. I was really hopeful this year but no, same old crap. Two nights of nightmares so next to no sleep. Lots of little things going wrong and I'm very frustrated and anxious. I just want to get to this weekend so I can put up the holiday decorations and have something else to focus on instead of this instinctual fight or flight crap. I think I shocked my husband when I had finished straightening out the home loan process (bank had to resend a document for him to review), then got a call from yet another robodialer. I screamed into the phone and hung up. He was like, whoa...I've been trying to keep my feelings from him so he wouldn't be stressed out, but it slipped.

I'll be okay, though. It will end soon and things will be fine.

Love and hugs to everyone.

This time of year is hard for me too. I hope you start doing better soon.

[wildflowerchild25]

I’m quite irritable because I haven’t slept well in a couple of nights. It catches up with me quickly. I’m hoping I sleep ok tonight.

Saw pdoc. Had to sign off on my treatment plan (before I went in to see her). Got confused because it has both BP 1 and BP 2 as my dx’s. Most recent is BP 1 so I guess she was on the fence and then my episode in April pushed her over. Who knows. I don’t care. Otherwise it was a successful visit, she ok’ed the reduction in haldol and also gave me some PRN trazodone for sleep. Too bad I can’t pick it up until dec 1 when I have insurance again. Hope melatonin, valerian root, and my weighted blanket do the trick.

Only three days left of work then I get to spend the afternoon with RS looking at Christmas flowers, trees, and lights.

[Blueberrybook]

I am having a hard time here lately and don’t really know what to say since that post I recently had deleted. Differing opinions I can take, bluntness I can take, but the end of it got out and out mean.

I am having a hard time moving past that, knowing there is so much meanness and spite even here. Especially here. It makes me sad and depressed and not really able to post or respond like I used to.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

I’m quite irritable because I haven’t slept well in a couple of nights. It catches up with me quickly. I’m hoping I sleep ok tonight.


Saw pdoc. Had to sign off on my treatment plan (before I went in to see her). Got confused because it has both BP 1 and BP 2 as my dx’s. Most recent is BP 1 so I guess she was on the fence and then my episode in April pushed her over. Who knows. I don’t care. Otherwise it was a successful visit, she ok’ed the reduction in haldol and also gave me some PRN trazodone for sleep. Too bad I can’t pick it up until dec 1 when I have insurance again. Hope melatonin, valerian root, and my weighted blanket do the trick.


Only three days left of work then I get to spend the afternoon with RS looking at Christmas flowers, trees, and lights.

Hey , I’m feeling the same today !!! Maybe it’s in the air ???

Keep looking forward to your date.

Glad you were able to lower your Haldol ! Good advocating.

I’m sure you will feel better as your insurance kicks in, I always panic at the thought of no insurance.

[yellow_fleurs]

Put together my new couch today. Didn't have one before so it's exciting. Feeling tired, kind of blah, fighting off some negative thoughts. I am mostly fine when I am distracted by people, just when I am alone it gets worse.

I have been thinking maybe I want to be on meds, my brain is just off doing whatever it wants and I would like to feel more stable even if I am doing much better than I was before and can function okay. It feels like I am constantly doing what I can to keep things calm in my mind, but it's too easy to get off balance. I see my therapist this weekend and my psychiatrist in another month. I am doing okay for the moment.

[beauflow]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

she ok’ed the reduction in haldol and also gave me some PRN trazodone for sleep. Too bad I can’t pick it up until dec 1 when I have insurance again. Hope melatonin, valerian root, and my weighted blanket do the trick.

I hope you get sleep...

But if.not
Have you ever tried Kava? The pills caps or tea.

Some times kava helps me when I have issues sleeping. Some times not..
there's been some times the day after my anxiety can be a bit high, but not all the time. .. but thought I'd suggest ... I have a friend that uses it that doesn't have issues with the anxiety like me...

[bizi]

[TheSeaCat]

I am getting real sick of this heart condition, I couldn't swim without having a event. I know it's stupid since apparently I have exercise intolerance but I really want to lose weight. I am eating healthy but exercise is the other important key. I swam one lap and jumped out of the pool feeling chest pain and the urge to lose my lunch. We did smoothies again which is nice; but again anxiety reminded me they will eventually get sick of dealing with me and just live their life.

M asked me if I wanted to go to the movies this weekend and I haven't necessary been avoiding being alone with him, but I kind of have. So I don't know what to do with us. I still think it is too early but every time he is near I get the good kind of heart twinge.

The Christmas Party invitations have gone out, budget has been set, I have distributed forms for everyone to fill out on their favorite things so it makes things easier. Also my cats were so cute when I got home that I feel I must share how cute they are.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Sea Cat Is Demon the big one? Abby and Charlie are siblings too and have the same size dfference; Abby is petite and Charlie huge. Mine don't cuddle together much though. They lay close together on the bed but would never share a chair. Both prefer to be cuddled on me and fortunately I have lots of time to oblige.

They are pretty cats. They remind me of my Anna who died 2 years ago at 21.5 years old.

[TheSeaCat]

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

Sea Cat Is Demon the big one? Abby and Charlie are siblings too and have the same size dfference; Abby is petite and Charlie huge. Mine don't cuddle together much though. They lay close together on the bed but would never share a chair. Both prefer to be cuddled on me and fortunately I have lots of time to oblige.

They are pretty cats. They remind me of my Anna who died 2 years ago at 21.5 years old.

Blaze is the one in the front, he's huge at like 25 pounds; you really feel his love. Demon is the pillow in the back and he's a little smaller than his brother. Mine cuddle all the time; but it could be the fact they are twin brothers and were raised together. Thank you, and I'm sorry about Anna.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

So how did Demon get his name?

[TheSeaCat]

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

So how did Demon get his name?

We are big Supernatural fans and originally wanted to name him Crowley it just felt weird saying so we went with Demon. How did your kitties get their names?

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Abby just is a name I liked and always thought I might use if I had a daughter. Charlie is Charlie Orange, a play on a favorite ice skater Charlie White. (Yes, the skating thing is weird but I spent summer 2014 on bedrest after ankle reconstruction surgery and learning figure skating was one of the things that got me through those months. Now I love it and watch it all season long.)

[TheSeaCat]

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

Abby just is a name I liked and always thought I might use if I had a daughter. Charlie is Charlie Orange, a play on a favorite ice skater Charlie White. (Yes, the skating thing is weird but I spent summer 2014 on bedrest after ankle reconstruction surgery and learning figure skating was one of the things that got me through those months. Now I love it and watch it all season long.)

Cute play on words, I assume he's orange? Would you please post a pic somewhere I would love to see these fur balls. I don't think the skating this is weird at all, I like learning about different things to. In between browsing PC I am usually reading or researching something. I am a huge nerd.