[HALLIEBETH87]

I saw psyd today for our normal counseling session.

I cried. I couldn’t stop myself. I bawled the whole session. He’s never seen me cry except during emdr. We talked about all kinds of stuff. He asked if I’m having si. I admitted I am. He asked me why the tears and I admitted how empty and lonely I feel. Like no one wants me in their life.

There’s a whole bunch more but basically he said he’s worried about me and can tell I’m out of
Sorts.

[MickeyCheeky]

I am so sorry you're hurting so badly, @HALLIEBETH87! At least it seems like your Pdoc really does care about you. Am I correct? Please take WONDERFUL care of yourself as you deserve to feel better and to Live Well just as much as nyone else! PROMISE! Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @HALLIEBETH87, your Family, your Friends, your Pdoc and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK, MY AWESOME, BEAUTIFUL, CARING, WISE, DEAR, KIND, SWEET, GENEROUS, GENTLE, SENSITIVE, SMART, RESOURCEFUL, AWESOME AND WONDERFUL FRIEND?!

[downandlonely]

I'm glad you were honest about your feelings. That's the best way to get help.

[HALLIEBETH87]

I can’t stop crying today.

[HALLIEBETH87]

I
Told him
About feeling bugs too
But I think that’s getting better

[~Christina]

Sometimes we just need to cry it all out time to be extra kind to your self

[bpcyclist]

i cried for the first time in 7 years the other day. I think it just was all too much for me that day.

The illness situation you deal with regularly is extremely difficult. SI is a part of that--I have it too, all the damn time. There would be something wrong with you if you didn't cry sometimes. I wouldn't read too much into it. Stop judging yourself so harshly. You are a hero! What you fight? What you deal with? A damn hero!! My hero.

You have a bunch of people here on PC who do care about you, to whom it does matter very much, in fact, how you are feeling and doing. Don't forget that. I have almost no friends (okay, I have two) and no contact with my family of origin and precious little with my 'partner' and kids. I guess I am radioactive or something. But I have you guys and that's what helps me make it through.

Sending you self-compassion and strength and kindness to self. You will push through this. You will feel better. Maybe tomorrow after a bit f sleep.

[Wild Coyote]

Hey Hallie,
Sorry you are having a challenging time.
Crying can be a very good thing. It can be very cleansing , by releasing a lot of pent up emotions.
Just allow yourself to cry and try to not judge it.

I hope you can get to where you feel much more in control of your life.
Please keep us updated! Much Love

[HALLIEBETH87]

Trigger. Warning


Thanks everyone for the replies.

Please continue to send healing and positive vibes.

I’m really REaLLY struggling with intrusive thoughts and urges to self harm. Right down to seeing it in my head.

[HALLIEBETH87]

And I’m
Trying to fact check and use distress tolerance skills. I feel like the evil one is putting these thoughts into my head
So I took some Valium a double
Dose
Hoping it will
Help

[*Beth*]

Hi Halliebeth...I'm just sending some love vibes your way~**~*~*

[HALLIEBETH87]

I don’t remember
But apparently I emailed my t last night and he “strongly recommends” my going to hospital. I told him I would and he urged me not to wait but go now. My thoughts are getting darker and darker and I’ve had bad urges

[downandlonely]

Please listen to your T and go to the hospital. Stay safe @HALLIEBETH87