[RainyDay107]

Hugs to WC and Rainbow and you all. I’m feeling less mixed having connected with you all!

YET. I am still manic and need to STFU and read and catch up.

[RainyDay107]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Omg I love godlikeproductions !!!!!! Haven’t been there in ages. I’m heading there now lolllollllollolololol

BUSTED!!!! You nerd lmao I love it

It's my first day on Lamictal and it's going well. No upset stomach or nausea. But i did feel extra tired and had a headache for a few hours. No rash. It'll take six weeks to get to an effective level tho so i have to be patient. I felt good for a while this afternoon but bored for the rest of the day.

[Victoria'smom]

So my husband wants me back on all my medication. ALL of it. He’s really mad CVS won’t help fix my prozac issue. He feels they are playing with my life. He’s being dramatic right now. Apparently I’m being a ***** and he thinks I’ll hurt myself. I just noticed all the sharp objects went missing (not looking for them just observant). He obviously doesn’t remember we almost broke up because I was uninterested in intimacy. He says he can’t sleep because I’m not sleeping and wants me not to take ambien because it’s addictive and I’m not sleep anyway. I’m tired just not sleeping. I’m staying in bed though. When did mischievous become a bad thing? I just think it’s withdraw. I want to cut out soda and see if that helps. I guess I’m scratching a lot, which is a sign of “bugs” plus apparently it looks odd as hell. I can learn to control my thoughts through CBT and I really don’t have to act on anything. Plus our car went up in smoke today. So I don’t want to make appointments. I don’t get into cars with strangers (taxis, uber, medicaid transport.) Plus I don’t take pills. So I will have to go back on 10’s. I wish I could talk to someone in real life not judgy like my ex T but not principle like pdoc. I don’t want just the STFU and take your meds or go to the hospital that won’t work long term for me. I need to find someone willing to work with the unmedicated me. I have yet to find one of these anti-meds therapist that are supposedly around. I took zyprexa last night and today felt like I was to weak to walk and wanted to pace at the same time.

It's 4:04 am and my window is open. I just heard the very first bird start to chirp in the morning. I am an early bird this morning, too. I fell asleep before 9 pm last night, I was so tired.

[Pookyl]

7:11 pm and all is well.

[Blue_Bird]

I spent the day with my friend yesterday, we had a lot of fun. I have a lot of anxiety about leaving the house lately so I'm glad I got to push through it and enjoy the weather.

My mood has been good. No psychosis anymore with the med changes. I'm feeling happy and am almost 2 weeks into recovery from my eating disorder.

Have also been drawing a lot and doing more things I enjoy.

I've had a really bad cough for awhile now that's driving me crazy. Part of it is from getting sick and part of it is Silent GERD because I need to get a refill on my meds for that, I've been without it for several days now, I'll make a walk-in appointment next week to get my prescription renewal.

My sleep has been somewhat strange. I can't sleep straight through the night anymore, I sleep from 2 to 4 hours at night then I wake up anywhere between 1 and 3am and am up till about 6 or 7 then fall back to sleep for a couple more hours. At least I'm getting some rest though, that's the important thing.

Hope everyone is doing well

I had my post op appointment yesterday @ Mass. Eye and Ear. The appointment went well. I met with the surgeon and one of his assistants, and everything looked good according to him. I couldn't really understand the assistant, as she had a VERY posh British accent and spoke fast. (I don't know why I can't understand British accents.) So I hope I didn't miss anything important. I didn't want to offend her by saying I couldn't understand her accent, but I probably should've politely asked her to reiterate what she said.

I'm afraid of what the bill is going to look like. I already owe something like $427 from a previous appt (i.e., not surgery) because my insurance picked up only part of the bill. Like 60% ish of the bill. I have NO idea why they didn't cover all of it since everything was considered medically necessary. It was considered "in network," too. And they covered all previous appts, so I don't get it.

But anyway, I paid for a top doctor, which is why I'm afraid of the bill. (Mass. Eye and Ear is part of Mass. General Hospital, which is ranked #4 in the U.S. and #6 in the world.) I wasn't going to settle for less, though, because I tried a bunch of specialists and they all failed me. And the other ENT doctors I saw were inconsistent in their "findings" as to what was wrong with me. So, I said f*** it and went with a top doctor. I'd rather have a top doctor do surgery on me than mess around trying to find someone at a decent price who won't f*** me up.

Otherwise, still depressed a bit. Been depressed for a while now. The Lexapro increase really f***ed with me, and even though I'm depressed now after reducing the dose, I'm better off not feeling wound up and restless.

[yellow_fleurs]

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

I had my post op appointment yesterday @ Mass. Eye and Ear. The appointment went well. I met with the surgeon and one of his assistants, and everything looked good according to him. I couldn't really understand the assistant, as she had a VERY posh British accent and spoke fast. (I don't know why I can't understand British accents.) So I hope I didn't miss anything important. I didn't want to offend her by saying I couldn't understand her accent, but I probably should've politely asked her to reiterate what she said.

I'm afraid of what the bill is going to look like. I already owe something like $427 from a previous appt (i.e., not surgery) because my insurance picked up only part of the bill. Like 60% ish of the bill. I have NO idea why they didn't cover all of it since everything was considered medically necessary. It was considered "in network," too. And they covered all previous appts, so I don't get it.

But anyway, I paid for a top doctor, which is why I'm afraid of the bill. (Mass. Eye and Ear is part of Mass. General Hospital, which is ranked #4 in the U.S. and #6 in the world.) I wasn't going to settle for less, though, because I tried a bunch of specialists and they all failed me. And the other ENT doctors I saw were inconsistent in their "findings" as to what was wrong with me. So, I said f*** it and went with a top doctor. I'd rather have a top doctor do surgery on me than mess around trying to find someone at a decent price who won't f*** me up.

Otherwise, still depressed a bit. Been depressed for a while now. The Lexapro increase really f***ed with me, and even though I'm depressed now after reducing the dose, I'm better off not feeling wound up and restless.

I have been incorrectly charged before when my insurance company didn't realize I'd had a referral, maybe just double check why they didn't cover the bill? Also, you could always call back and ask your surgeon's office if you are worried you missed something, I bet they would want to make sure you knew what was going on post op. I hope you have a speedy recovery.

[yellow_fleurs]

Feeling a bit better today though not great. That was a really rough night. I tried to meet up with my friend but felt so terrible I ended up turning around and going home. I was feeling dizzy, and anxious, and like I was going to break down crying and had no idea how I could even talk to my friend much less be in a crowd.
I am worrying that I was inadvertently rude to my therapist yesterday. Hopefully she understands it was me being different than normal and doesn't fault me as I did not directly act mean to her. Definitely a reason I avoid interaction when I am like this.
I was not feeling optimistic about mindfulness during therapy yesterday, but now I am back to thinking that is one of the best things for me. I guess when I am really suffering it feels like it is not enough, and without an idea of how I will improve long term or exactly going on I feel a bit frustrated. I feel I ought to add a positive to my post, so I will say I got up early and already did the grocery shopping. Planning to cook some healthy things this week. Trying to turn things around this weekend and next week.

[lightly toasted]

Insomnia is kicking the s*** out of me this week. Couldn't get to sleep until after midnight last night, awake at 3 am, I've been awake since then. I'm feeling less mixed lately, and I've not had the bugs under the skin feeling for a couple of nights, but I'm still not sleeping.

Normally I would take an extra dose of sleep meds at 3 and turn off my alarm. Sometimes it just gets so bad I need to abandon the sleep schedule so I can grab a few hours sleep in the a.m. before the sleep deprivation gets too dangerous. But I was confident I'd get back to sleep on my own, and I really wanted to get out today, and I wouldn't have been able to drive if I'd taken the extra meds...bad judgement call...now I'm super sleep deprived and useless to myself. Gonna be a long day.

[Moose72]

Hello all! Just a check in.

Last night I went to a nice hotel to visit a friend whose youngest daughter was having her 13th birthday party there. They ate, they swam, they ate, they were loud and bouncy. I left around 11:30 and I just woke up at 11 this morning!

Wednesday, I have a colonoscopy. I start prepping tomorrow. I have prepped 3 times already and had it cancelled! And I ****ing HATE that prep! I get all low-bloodsuagry and dehydrated with a nasty headache AND the drink itself is disgusting- tastes like poison.

Bipolar is still in remission. Im going to push my luck and see if I can get off Seroquel again. I am determined to do liver detox and psych meds are making me sick. My liver needs to recover not get worse.

[lightly toasted]

Originally Posted by Moose72

I have prepped 3 times already and had it cancelled!

Good Lord! I feel for you Fingers crossed your next appointment is not cancelled.

[wildflowerchild25]

I’ve been feeling off for a few days. Not exactly depressed but just not exactly happy either. I feel terrible about my weight and yet I keep stuffing my face with tasty yet high calorie treats. It’s like I can’t get enough sugar. I had a huge caramel latte from Dunkin’ Donuts today. And two munchkins and a bagel with butter and sour patch kids. I’ve eaten practically a days worth of calories already. And I’m going out to dinner tonight at a bar and grill so I will have a drink and then some wine at home. Calories calories calories. I don’t usually drink so that’s a nonissue but I think I need to do a sugar detox. I always say I’ll start Monday and then I **** Monday up and I’m like well I already ****ed up so whatever right?

Ugh. I have to do something. I’m my heaviest weight I’ve ever been. My clothes are getting tight. I refuse to buy bigger clothes. I’ve been the same size for three years after my initial invega weight gain. I wish I could blame it on a med this time but I can’t.

I wish I had better self control.

I did order one of those meal kit things so that I could begin to cook more at home. A cheaper one. I’ve only made one meal so far but it was good. I tried to make another meal but I burned the **** out of it. Not used to pan frying things.

RS is constantly telling me how beautiful I am but I don’t feel it at all. I bought pretty new clothes and I feel like they are too pretty for me. Like I’m not pretty enough to wear them.

I think I’m going to get a new tattoo soon and that might make me feel a little better.

Originally Posted by yellow_fleurs

I have been incorrectly charged before when my insurance company didn't realize I'd had a referral, maybe just double check why they didn't cover the bill? Also, you could always call back and ask your surgeon's office if you are worried you missed something, I bet they would want to make sure you knew what was going on post op. I hope you have a speedy recovery.

yeah, that's a good point. I should just call. Worst case, they'll leave the bill as is. Best case, I get better coverage.

I don't actually need a referral for anything because I have a PPO plan. So, I don't get why my insurance covered the first 2 appts, but not the 3rd. Maybe it was a mistake like you said. I don't have an insurance plan with a deductible, so it's not like I need to meet a deductible...

[lightly toasted]

Wildflower, I could relate to so much of your post, especially not really being able to blame meds for my eating any longer, and not feeling pretty enough for pretty clothes. I feel like "mutton dressed as lamb" as the bags used to say. But maybe, just maybe because we've had such a s*** time of it, we really do deserve to wear pretty clothes, if even just once in awhile. We are certainly no less deserving than anyone else. Now, I of course believe that about you, if I could just convince myself

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

I tried to make another meal but I burned the **** out of it. Not used to pan frying things.
.

Thank you for this. I literally laughed aloud. I'm not laughing at you but with you, because this is me all over. Do well with the first attempt, burn the s**** out of the second...oh man, I've been so tempted to try these meal kits, but I know this would be my experience...I just know it

[Unrigged64072835]

The stye--yes, there was a stye, no thanks to Ms. "Oh noes, you have pinkeye"--finally cleared out and I can close my right eye without pain. Most grateful for that. Hopefully I can now sleep without feeling a grapefruit on my eyeball.

Spent most of today on the computer. I redid it so it has that renovated desktop look.

I didn't burn dinner but I made quite a mess of the stove. Good thing I have ceramic top and not fancy gas burners, or not-so-fancy electric coils.

My husband is due for a colonoscopy this year. I can't laugh too loud, because I'm due for one next year. Fun times had by all.

Love and hugs to all.

[Innerzone]

Wildflowerchild, I can relate. And I never really thought I would (used to not even be able to gain weight). Never so much, and very little self-control. Anyhow, yeah.

But I did pick up a couple things the other day. There is a little event tonight that I thought I'd put a little effort into. Then totally couldn't decide which to wear...

I'm trying to get in a festive mood for it, but it seems life is not finished taking away good things. Just got an email that my favorite MeetUp group is on the very precipice of ending (they charge considerable fees to host, that apparently just went up). Unless someone steps forward, but we all know how rare that is.

WTF, universe?! First the social services help goes away (which meant, you know, I could actually GET medical and psych w/o worrying how I'd be able to pay. Same with eating.) Then the internship, now this! (And worst of all is something coming that I'm not supposed to know about. It's not for sure, but I've got a feeling of dread that it will. (That my roommate, who I adore, might be moving out)). Too much loss!!

So, right now I'm pretty upset. Trying to pull out of it. I was even thinking I'd get up the nerve to dance tonight (it's been a long time -- in public anyway...), but it's a little hard to imagine now. This stuff is really dragging me down.

Will try like hell to push through...
First order of business -- stop crying.

[TheSeaCat]

Hello everyone I really don't even know where to start honestly. I've failed with updating; I've been active in chat so I really have no excuse for not updating my forum friends. Other then I've been dealing with a lot emotionally and physically. I don't feel the best physically I feel very tired and run down. My heart rate also varies but what I've been seeing isn't going to impress the Cardio. So probably more biweekly visits that I really don't want. I just want to tie this issue into a pretty little bow. Sadly I don't see that happening; I am probably back to biweekly visits for the foreseeable future.

In regards to M's surgery which was last Wednesday; he got released that Sunday. Monday he started Physical Therapy three times a week. He's doing alright in terms of things all things considered. He sees the doc again this week for a follow-up. He's doing alright pain wise; I think he's starting to become bored.

This week I also lost a very dear animal. She was the families cat; she died at the old age of 17. So that was also news I wasn't expecting. We lost the family dog this time last year; so both of my childhood pets are gone; which feels odd to me. I knew I am getting older and changing but it's odd to think about. Granted ever since I moved in December it's just been me and kitty; but it feels oddly strange that both of my childhood pets die less than a year apart.

This is also the month I got diagnosed with anxiety/depression so I am dealing with the feelings of finally having this condition a year; plus it brings flashbacks of things. I am trying to overcome and think of my Bachelor graduation coming up in May. That degree will mean a lot to me. I was sick the last semester before this one and fought to be happy; and to think of what this degree will do for me career-wise.

I just kind of feel all over the place lately. With my emotions and physical health. This month was very hard for me last year; and while I know some of those symptoms can be traced back to my Cardiac issue. I know I should be happy with everything I have overcome the past year with my health and mental health.

I really have been at a loss for words lately with everything that's happened.

I apologize for not updating you guys; I know a large chunk of you have probably been worried with the my lack of updates or time in the forums.

Hugs to everyone

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Innerzone

Wildflowerchild, I can relate. And I never really thought I would (used to not even be able to gain weight). Never so much, and very little self-control. Anyhow, yeah.


But I did pick up a couple things the other day. There is a little event tonight that I thought I'd put a little effort into. Then totally couldn't decide which to wear...


I'm trying to get in a festive mood for it, but it seems life is not finished taking away good things. Just got an email that my favorite MeetUp group is on the very precipice of ending (they charge considerable fees to host, that apparently just went up). Unless someone steps forward, but we all know how rare that is.


WTF, universe?! First the social services help goes away (which meant, you know, I could actually GET medical and psych w/o worrying how I'd be able to pay. Same with eating.) Then the internship, now this! (And worst of all is something coming that I'm not supposed to know about. It's not for sure, but I've got a feeling of dread that it will. (That my roommate, who I adore, might be moving out)). Too much loss!!


So, right now I'm pretty upset. Trying to pull out of it. I was even thinking I'd get up the nerve to dance tonight (it's been a long time -- in public anyway...), but it's a little hard to imagine now. This stuff is really dragging me down.


Will try like hell to push through...

First order of business -- stop crying.

(((((((((((((( IZ )))))))))))))