I requested DocJohn to delete my previous thread because it was stupid (in case you were wondering where it went).

ANYWAY, I FINALLY feel like myself after being off an antipsychotic for a while. I was always a bubbly person, but ever since starting antipsychotics, I've become boring/dull/uninteresting. I'm now able to SMILE and LAUGH like I was able to prior to 2015, right before I first started my medications. Sure, I'm agitated at times nowadays, but some agitation here and there is much better than being flat/dull all the time. Would you not agree?

I have a pdoc appt tomorrow and I'm going to ask for a Lexapro increase to make my remaining agitation go away. I think my first pdoc made the mistake of reducing the dose, because then I became severely depressed within days of being on the reduced dose. I'm never taking an antipsychotic again. They ruin my personality. (I originally didn't want any meds, but something has to be done about the agitation, so I'm willing to compromise. Ritalin and Lexapro are what I want.)

I did have a therapy appt earlier today, and fortunately, I was feeling bubbly (like I used to be 4 years ago). No agitation whatsoever. We FINALLY had a fun conversation, too, instead of "I hate my life," "I'm stressed out," and "I'm having panic attacks." Of course, I did mention my how agitation would wax and wane, but I was feeling pretty damned good if I don't say so myself.

bipolar or not, I finally feel freeeee. I'm not recommending everyone to stop their meds, but I think I made the right decision and I'm happy with it. I miss my old self.

[Victoria'smom]

Were only on lexapro, ritalin, and an AP? no mood stablizer? Are you going to tell pdoc your not on all of your medication?

[tecomsin]

As I recall in your last thread you said you recently came off 4 mg Rexulti, which is an antipsychotic, and were having symptoms of psychosis. Not sure why that would be 'stupid' or need to be deleted.

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

Were only on lexapro, ritalin, and an AP? no mood stablizer? Are you going to tell pdoc your not on all of your medication?

Lamictal, lexapro, rexulti, Ritalin, and (PRN) klonopin

I’m on everything except rexulti and klonopin

I’m going to tell my pdoc that I don’t need or want an AP, and I’m going to request to go off lamictal

Originally Posted by tecomsin

As I recall in your last thread you said you recently came off 4 mg Rexulti, which is an antipsychotic, and were having symptoms of psychosis. Not sure why that would be 'stupid' or need to be deleted.

It’s stupid because I was freaking out for no good reason. I realize I was just being panicky and needed to think things through a little better.

I'm assuming you're rejecting your bipolar diagnosis since you seem to aim for zero bipolar medications. I imagine that if your plan backfires big time you might reconsider this?

All I can say is that if I quit my antipsychotic and moodstabilizers and only took an antidepressant and stimulant (both of which I cannot take) it would be as if I went on some major cocaine snorting extravaganza, which would definitely send me to the hospital or leave me for dead.

Please take care!

[tecomsin]

I'm glad you are planning to tell your pdoc that you have discontinued your AP.

I also admit to feeling a bit flabbergasted that a bunch of my posts as well as many other people's regarding your psychotic symptoms were deleted in your last thread. Are we supposed to act like none of that ever happened?

What about all your other threads describing symptoms of paranoia and psychosis? Of course people can become scared or even terrified when they have these kinds of symptoms.

I used to do this kind of thing too until I ended up in such a bad place that now i wouldn't change my medication without discussing it with my pdoc first and getting his or her consent at least. What is the big hurry?

[bizi]

why the hell would you want off lamictal, your mood stabilizer?
An increase of the lexapro with out a mood stabilizer on board is a sure way to go crazy.
INMO
bizi

[Guiness187055]

Hope you have a nice and safe landing

My pdoc is letting me go off Lamictal since I asked. He told me to go back on Rexulti, but I'm not doing it. We also increased my Lexparo, starting tonight. So I'm only going to take Lexapro and Ritalin from now on. I'm pretty happy with the outcome of today's appt.

[tecomsin]

What is your pdoc's opinion of your not taking Rexulti?

He told me to go back on Rexulti because he says "symptoms will return" -- but what symptoms? Depression, since that's what the med is for? I'm not going to do it. I'm only going to take Lexapro and Ritalin because that's all I need. I'll prove it to him by staying off Rexulti and showing him that I have no return of "symptoms," whatever that means. But of course I have to stay off it for a while without telling him.

My therapist had ratted me out to my pdoc after I told her I refused to take Rexulti, so that's how he knew I stopped taking it. I didn't even tell him anything since he already knew. She told him EVERYTHING I said to her yesterday, and said that I hadn't been taking it for a while.

[tecomsin]

Hi Blue,

Rexulti is an antipsychotic and is given for symptoms of psychosis, not depression. How do you know your therapist 'ratted you out'? Is that what your pdoc said? Do you think you can hide that you are not taking Rexulti from him?

Originally Posted by tecomsin

Hi Blue,

Rexulti is an antipsychotic and is given for symptoms of psychosis, not depression. How do you know your therapist 'ratted you out'? Is that what your pdoc said? Do you think you can hide that you are not taking Rexulti from him?

My therapist and pdoc both said that Rexulti is for depression and psychosis.

I knew my therapist ratted me out because my pdoc told me that she had left him a message. He repeated everything that she told him in her message.

And yes, I can hide that I am not taking Rexulti. Simply don't pick it up at the pharmacy, as I already have 3 full, unopened bottles. And I have leftover samples from like 2 years ago that expire in 2021, so I can tell him I have those as well.

[tecomsin]

You are right that Rexulti is an add on to antidepressants for depression but is prescribed on its own for psychosis. Are you also going to hide that you are not taking Rexulti from your therapist? Why hide it if you are doing the right thing?

Originally Posted by tecomsin

You are right that Rexulti is an add on to antidepressants for depression but is prescribed on its own for psychosis. Are you also going to hide that you are not taking Rexulti from your therapist? Why hide it if you are doing the right thing?

Well, if I have to hide it from her, then I will. I don't want her ratting me out again. I told her about it to be honest with her since I don't like to hide things from her, but if she's going to rat me out every single time, then idk if it's really worth telling her anymore.

Rexulti does nothing for manic episodes according to both my pdoc and therapist, and since I haven't had a manic episode according to my therapist, then I obviously don't need something for "mania." (Been seeing her for roughly 2 years.) And well, I think an antidepressant will suffice for depression and all other "symptoms." My first pdoc was an idiot for taking me off a higher dose of Lexapro, accusing me of having an "inappropriate mood reaction."

Maybe your therapist is just looking out for your best interest. If you have trusted her up until this point, it's worth considering it -- and why she might be concerned.

[tecomsin]

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

My therapist and pdoc both said that Rexulti is for depression and psychosis.

I knew my therapist ratted me out because my pdoc told me that she had left him a message. He repeated everything that she told him in her message.

And yes, I can hide that I am not taking Rexulti. Simply don't pick it up at the pharmacy, as I already have 3 full, unopened bottles. And I have leftover samples from like 2 years ago that expire in 2021, so I can tell him I have those as well.

I can't think of what the reason would be not to trust your pdoc with the correct information on which of his prescribed medications you are taking, and which you are not.

How can he help you if he has the wrong information about your meds?

Originally Posted by Brentus

Maybe your therapist is just looking out for your best interest. If you have trusted her up until this point, it's worth considering it -- and why she might be concerned.

I know she is concerned, but I've gone on/off antipsychotics all the time and she never once told somebody about it. This was the first time she actually ratted me out, and I'm surprised she even did that without telling me that she was going to tell my pdoc.

Originally Posted by tecomsin

I can't think of what the reason would be not to trust your pdoc with the correct information on which of his prescribed medications you are taking, and which you are not.

How can he help you if he has the wrong information about your meds?

Well, I'd rather give lexapro another chance before going back on an antipsychotic that I don't want or need. It was frying my brain, and I couldn't even smile or laugh. Lexapro made me feel normal again when I was on 10mg. No one ever explained why I had the Lexapro dose reduced to such a low, subtherapuedic amount. My first pdoc just came up with a BS "mood" excuse to reduce it without hearing me out. Then I spiraled into a deep, dark depression that didn't lift for months.

[tecomsin]

What I am missing is why any of this means you want to lie or mislead your pdoc about taking your meds.

Originally Posted by tecomsin

What I am missing is why any of this means you want to lie or mislead your pdoc about taking your meds.

Because he is pushing Rexulti on me and I don't want to take it. I want lexapro and ritalin only. I don't want an antipsychotic pushed on me.

I know my therapist meant well when she told my pdoc what was going on, but I'm upset by it all. I just wish I was left on the 10mg of lexapro that I was started on back in 2015, instead of going through this whole nightmare with antipsychotics. It's been 4 f_cking years of antipsychotics when this problem could have been solved if I was left on 10mg of Lexapro.

[MickeyCheeky]

Please stay safe, bluebicycle Just be very careful with the meds you're taking. If any problems how up, try to call your Pdoc or your therapist immediately. Meds are hard to deal with without professional help, even though we don't always like that. I hope things will work out well for you. I respect your decision, just stay safe and be careful, ok? You know we care about you. Remember that we're here for you if you need it. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes. Please stay safe and take care of yourself. Stay well. Sending many hugs to you

[bizi]

Blue, I believe that you are delusional right now.
You are stating false beliefs about your past. We have heard many times from you that you were psychotic. Hallucinations, paranoia, delusions etc are all part of psychosis which is a feature of mania and bipolar 1.
Why deny the truth about your past psychosis?
bizi

[tecomsin]

Unfortunately it is part of the illness process in some cases to deny psychosis or to question the diagnosis and medications. It's not at all uncommon in bipolar. Sometimes people have to literally hit some kind of bottom in life like I did before they will accept they have a psychotic illness.

What I still don't understand is why fake taking meds to the psychiatrist? Are you afraid he will stop prescribing the meds you want if you tell him the truth about not taking Rexulti?