[SorryShaped]

I'm told I'm going to become an official yoga instructor, but then I saw the look on their face change as I said I could not be paid. I want to be volunteer only.
My depression has been extremely difficult. I've barely done more than sleep for a while now. The thoughts are more dark than I can remember. I never want to wake up.
I see my pdoc in a week. Maybe we can do something where I had to stop taking Seroquel.
I saw my t today, and he could tell how low I've gotten. He was very concerned and recommended hospital if I thought I needed it. I said that there's really no point. I'll end up with bills I can't afford and I'll wind up back here anyway. Bipolar does that.
I just don't care anymore

[~Christina]

I’m sorry your so low I hope things turn around sooner rather than later.

Maybe a Med change needs to happen.

Hang in there

I hope you feel better soon, SorryShaped. I'm glad you may be getting intensive help, though.

I totally understand not wanting to commit to a paid job while feeling so depressed, but it is a wonderful thing that they want to offer you one. Have you considered letting them know you may be interested in such a paid job (if you are), but not at this precise time? You definitely wouldn't need to give any specifics why you don't want to commit at this time. Perhaps just say you have a personal issue that may require possible absence for a bit? Just thoughts. I'm sorry if I don't fully understand, but do think it's nice they like your yoga teaching.

[Leia78]

I'm sorry things are so rough for you right now. I know it's hard to think positive at all, but you can let yoga be your bright spot in all of this. And you've offered so much encouragement to others here that it would be awful to think of you never coming back. I hope the wanting to not wake up passes soon. As others have said, it sounds like it might be time to make a med change.

[SorryShaped]

I know it's time for a med change.
I dreamed someone lost a weapon in a crowd last night and I found it. I was getting to a place where I couldn't be stopped. I kept thinking and saying, "I'm finally going to truly rest." I felt at ease. I wasn't nervous or upset or anything, except at ease.
I cannot be paid for anything, because I'm on disability. I would refuse to be paid for yoga anyway, it's a spiritual practice for me. It's not religious, but spiritual. Yoga belongs to everyone, and I couldn't take money for it. It would ruin it for me, make it dirty and bad.
I have a life that I should be satisfied with, except for all the intrusive thoughts. I know, "should" is a bad word.
Out of the blue last night, an attractive female messaged me to ask if I'd move to her town and be her boyfriend. No. I probably need a change of venue, but not that. I don't even want to love again. I'm still hurting from a whirlwind romance almost a year ago.
I really feel like I've run my course.

[MickeyCheeky]

I'm so sorry you're hurting so much, SorryShaped! I completely agree with what all the other wise, wonderful posters have already wisely said better than I ever could! You've been given lots of great, wise, wonderful advice on this thread! I'd suggest to follow it as much as you can ONLY if you want to, of course! I'm so sorry you're going through all of this! Please don't give up hope! Try to hang on as much as you can! I'm so sorry, I know it must be very hard for you! I agree with all the other wise, wonderful posters about all fo this! Perhaps you just need to change your meds! I'm really happy that you're going to see your Pdoc soon! Hopefully he will be able to help you! I hope you'll both be able to find the right meds combination for yourself! You CAN do this and you CAN get through this! I believe in you! We all believe in you! We're all rooting for you! We're all cheering you on! PLEASE REMEMBER THAT! Please do consider hospitalization if things get worse! You need and deserve to take GREAT care of yourself and to get the help you need and deserve! Please do take GREAT care of yourself as much as you can because YOU DESERVE IT! You're a STRONG, WONDERFUL PERSON! PLEASE REMEMBER THAT! Is there anything we can do to help you? Please let us know! I'm sure all of us will be more than happy to help you in any way we can and as much as we can! Is it possible for you to work as a yoga instructor for free? I hope they'll let you work even if you don't get paid in the end! After all, I don't see why it should be a problem, although I understand it not be "ethichal" for them or that there could be problems with the law. I still hope you'll be able to work there though! Please remember that you're NOT obligated to date other women if you don't want to, of course! I'm sure you'll be able to get through all fo this! Just remember to take all the time you need! Just take it one step at the time! Just take baby steps! Remember that there's no need to hurry! You'll be in my thoughts and prayers and I hope things will get better soon for you! You deserve to get better and to feel good! You deserve to live an happy, fulfilling life just like everyone else does! PLEASE REMEMBER THAT! We all care about you here! We all love you here! Feel free to vent and write as much as you need to and want to! You know we won't judge you! I PROMISE YOU THAT! PLEASE REMEMBER THAT! You're a strong, wonderful person! We all know that! I'm sure you know that as well even if it's deep down! I PROMISE YOU THAT! PLEASE REMEMBER THAT! Please don't give up HOPE! Try to hang on AS MUCH AS YOU CAN! I hope you'll be able to see yourself like the strong, wonderful person that you are because YOU'RE AWESOME and YOU KNOW IT! We all know that! I hope you'll be able to be kinder to yourself because YOU DESERVE IT! You're AWESOME! You're STRONG! You're a WARRIOR! You're an AWESOME, STRONG WARRIOR! PLEASE REMEMBER THAT! Remember that we're here for you if you need it! Feel free to PM me anytime! Let me know if I can do something to help you! Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes! I'm so sorry you have to deal with all of this, SorryShaped