What It’s Like

They say the highs are high, and the lows are low
But the highs aren’t high
They’re stomach knots and leg shaking
Fidgeting and restlessness
Not being tired enough to sleep, and being tired or not being able to sleep
Worrying that your body is going to break down from exhaustion
Yet know you’re so freaking crazy you can’t feel the exhaustion
But you know it’s there
It’s creeping up on you
Am I talking too fast?
I know I’m talking too loud
It’s too much work to try and tone it down
I thought I’m supposed to feel good when I’m like this
Instead I’m just stressed and anxious
Spend this extra energy on studying or fail
Spend the extra hours awake studying or fail
That knot in your stomach takes up your appetite
No eating today, tomorrow
They say God answers all prayers, you just have to listen
How am i supposed to hear him when life is this loud?
I want to drown out the noise
But I don’t know how
They did get something right
The lows are low
You mean it’s not normal to sleep 17 hours straight?
Life moves in slow morion
But you just want to fast forward through this part
You sit next to your bestfriends alp day
Yet feel completely alone
No one actually likes you, they just tolerate you and keep you around out of pity
I remember what I used to do to get through this
And I crave it
I fear it, but it’s what I know
When you’re this low, there’s a thrill
A thrill in knowing you could always cut a little too deep
Or take just one too many pills
And that next morning when you wake
It’s with indifference, knowing it could have gone either way
I try to read, I try to watch TV
Everything is the same dull gray
It’s not funny, it’s not entertaining
I’m still alone in my head
Sometimes I need to cry it out
But the tears don’t come, I’m too numb
Othertimes I can’t breathe I’m sobbing so hard
My eyes are almost swollen shut from crying myself to sleep
They say the highs are high
and the lows are low
But unless you’re in my head
You don’t know.

I am sorry you are struggling.

if that is meant to be lyrics/ poetry/ what ever, it is good

are you a creative person?

The highs are not high. Thank you for saying that. I found myself repeating that to every person who talked about mania like it was a good time. It wasn't high. It was Hell.