God told me the meaning of my whole life

Pdoc called this evening at my request. She thought I was going to have to be hospitalized for mania if the higher dose of seroquel didnt work. She is satisfied now that it has so she lowered the dose. Mania is like a good dream- you have fond memories and you don't want them to go.

Thanks for your reply- this is what happened! She lowered my dose today to 300 once a day (pm) rather than 100 a.m. , 100 noon, and 200 p.m. She is apparently satisfied. Your kind hugs are appreciated!

I would have been knocked out by that dose of seroquel, like a horse. Glad you can lower it and hopefully you can taper down and get off it.

I'm glad you were able to avoid hospital too and are feeling better now.

For me the thoughts of mania aren't like a pleasant dream but more like a nightmare for all the problems it has caused in my life. But I am learning every day to forgive myself a little bit more and improve how I relate to other people and to myself.

Last night I was up yet again- watching "Office Space" for the 9000th time and looking stuff up on my phone. I was not tired one wink. And that's with 300 of Seroquel AND 100 of Trazodone on board. I did eventually make myself lay down - I'd read so much and refreshed the bipolar board every few minutes- that it was somewhat difficult to stop my mind racing. I mean, I found what appears to be the script to "Office Space" and read it. My newly-found fun habit is to make the top joints of my thumbs "crack". In fact, I couldn't stop cracking all the joints last night. So refreshing webpages and waiting for my joints to "refresh" so I could make them crack again while watching "Office Space" which I should have memorized by now. This is the fourth (?) Night that I,ve binged that movie all night?

I want to go out but the maintenance man is coming to fix our ceiling at some point today.

Oh yeah- still pleasure-seeking! I feel so alive, happy, unencumbered, free- like cool fresh air breathed in through my nose. Yesterday, I met my FWB buddy and yeah- its only enough for a few days then I want more.

I went to lunch with a friend from our now-defunct lunch group. At the end of the meal, as I sat across from her, I was singing songs and explaining them to her. Drinking songs from the 17th century, an odd choral piece that included the lyrics, " A bird! A blue bird! A dead hawk rotting on a pole." And "Yellow, yellow! It is not a colour!" (I've forgotten what it is though!) Just singing happily along... This mustve lasted 10 minutes. Its 5:30- don't feel tired from staying up till 5:30 am and taking a couple-hour nap this morning. Now, I'm settled watching "Les Choristes"- a French film. I found it by accident years ago. Took my sox off- aaahh! FRESH! Lovin' dancing to the radio in the car- or the music in my brain- all those ear worms. At least today I didn't sleep the day away. Chemical straightjacket, indeed!

Was driving my youngest home from work and got pulled over! Apparently my headlight was out- but at least I had the registration, insurance and my license- all legal and up to date. Oddly, I was really calm and not worried the whole time. He seemed nice. But when I got home, my headlights were both working?? Maybe one of the bulbs is loose or going bad?