[~Christina]

Oh WC

What a horrible mess this has become for you

For all this to be going on for at least 14 years would just be so hard to wrap your head around, my heart aches for you.

I think you are right about setting up specific times that you will speak to him is very much the right thing to do. This will allow you to make note of things that needs discussed.

One idea you might want to try is via text lay down some rules that you have regarding his behavior during these calls that will cause you to simple hang up. If he raises his voice, or brings up that someone “ setting him up” nonsense. His denial about anything you have proof of. Simply hang up and do not respond to any text or calls for X amount of days or even a total week. I think he needs to learn that while he fooled and lied to you for years he no longer can control anything when it comes to you anymore.

I understand not wanting to pay a Lawyer..... which is why suggest setting strict ground rules would be of benefit. He is harming you deeply on both the mental aspect and physical also. Both of which you will have to repair which will take who knows how long.

Take whatever steps you need to protect yourself while dealing with him. If he doesn’t like it .. too damn bad.

Your always on my mind

[sadveiledbride]

Have a migraine and feeling ****** about myself. I should really be sleeping right now.

[MidnightManiac]

I'm trying to not swing downwards today. It's hard...although it's a beautiful day and I'm grateful fo the su shining and all that, I feel....insignificant and unwanted. By tonight who knows. Might feel all powerful and invulnerable again.

My husband and I took our sweet parrot to the animal hospital at 5 am. It was a bit of a drive. He's there in their ICU. They told us to go home. I was crying for an hour and a half straight. When we got home my husband started crying. We want him to recover so badly. He's only 2 1/2 years old.

[hopeless2015]

Heading Texas Roadhouse for lunch with family. My Mom is 74 today!! If I can be half the woman she is, I'll be doing good. Shes one hell of of lady.

Hugs to all

[yellow_fleurs]

WC I am so sorry. I had a mentor once who acted in a similar way, lying and manipulating intentionally and I had thought on some level that she was actually cared about me and considered me a friend. I felt soo upset to have to look back at her actions and reframe them as manipulation tactics or whatever she was doing. Although, then I realized there had been signs I had overlooked and became mad at myself. I can't even imagine what you are going through, if I was so upset over that, and this is someone you thought was your best friend for so long. Really, my heart goes out to you and I hope he starts behaving so you can wrap things up without unnecessary stress. The fact you are handling this at all is super impressive honestly, I imagine I'd just break down and not be functioning.

[yellow_fleurs]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

My husband and I took our sweet parrot to the animal hospital at 5 am. It was a bit of a drive. He's there in their ICU. They told us to go home. I was crying for an hour and a half straight. When we got home my husband started crying. We want him to recover so badly. He's only 2 1/2 years old.

Oh no, I am really sorry to hear that. Poor parrot, I hope he makes a full recovery, quickly. Do they have any idea what's wrong or still trying to figure it out?

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

My husband and I took our sweet parrot to the animal hospital at 5 am. It was a bit of a drive. He's there in their ICU. They told us to go home. I was crying for an hour and a half straight. When we got home my husband started crying. We want him to recover so badly. He's only 2 1/2 years old.

Oh no , he’s in the best possible place to get all the help he needs. Much love to you during this terrible time. Did the vet have an idea of what’s going on?

[Wild Coyote]

Thanks Christina!
I'll give your insights/suggestions some thought.

I continue exhausted.
I interact a lot with my mom, as she lives here. She just is not the same... Crying, angry, reports feeling very confused. A mess.

I also feel very so stressed that I cannot do simple things without much thought and/or easily.

It's just been too much. It was all "bad enough," but then having techs here for days, having to deal with the police, having to change the locks and needing to change everything else he'd had acces to -- along with his ongoing nonsense--
It's just way too much.

My mom had thought of him as her own son and was very fond of him. She had trusted him with her life.

Now, all of this.
I am VERY worried about her. She is acting like she is having a breakdown.

Thanks, Christina! Thanks everyone. I will try to keep future posts succinct.
:grouping:

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Oh WC

What a horrible mess this has become for you

For all this to be going on for at least 14 years would just be so hard to wrap your head around, my heart aches for you.

I think you are right about setting up specific times that you will speak to him is very much the right thing to do. This will allow you to make note of things that needs discussed.

One idea you might want to try is via text lay down some rules that you have regarding his behavior during these calls that will cause you to simple hang up. If he raises his voice, or brings up that someone “ setting him up” nonsense. His denial about anything you have proof of. Simply hang up and do not respond to any text or calls for X amount of days or even a total week. I think he needs to learn that while he fooled and lied to you for years he no longer can control anything when it comes to you anymore.

I understand not wanting to pay a Lawyer..... which is why suggest setting strict ground rules would be of benefit. He is harming you deeply on both the mental aspect and physical also. Both of which you will have to repair which will take who knows how long.

Take whatever steps you need to protect yourself while dealing with him. If he doesn’t like it .. too damn bad.

Your always on my mind

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

My husband and I took our sweet parrot to the animal hospital at 5 am. It was a bit of a drive. He's there in their ICU. They told us to go home. I was crying for an hour and a half straight. When we got home my husband started crying. We want him to recover so badly. He's only 2 1/2 years old.

Oh Dear! I am so very sorry!
I hope the vet can help with recovery.
Thinking of you.

Thanks to everyone for your warm thoughts regarding my sweet bird boy. Unfortunately, we lost him this morning. It's been extremely rough for my husband and me, and will continue to be for a while. The avian vet told us our sweet young boy accidentally swallowed something containing lead. I can't even imagine what there was that even contained lead. We will try to find out to notify other parrot owners of the risk.

[fern46]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

Thanks to everyone for your warm thoughts regarding my sweet bird boy. Unfortunately, we lost him this morning. It's been extremely rough for my husband and me, and will continue to be for a while. The avian vet told us our sweet young boy accidentally swallowed something containing lead. I can't even imagine what there was that even contained lead. We will try to find out to notify other parrot owners of the risk.

So very sorry for your loss. Losing a beloved pet is so difficult. Hugs.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

Thanks to everyone for your warm thoughts regarding my sweet bird boy. Unfortunately, we lost him this morning. It's been extremely rough for my husband and me, and will continue to be for a while. The avian vet told us our sweet young boy accidentally swallowed something containing lead. I can't even imagine what there was that even contained lead. We will try to find out to notify other parrot owners of the risk.

Oh no! I am so very sorry for your loss.
You and your H are in my thoughts.

[tecomsin]

I am sorry for your loss, BirdDancer.

[Victoria'smom]

sorry, BirdDancer

[hopeless2015]

So sorry Birddancer!!

[VerMOZZica]

I`m so sorry too for your loss BirdDancer. I`m sending hugs if that`s okay.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by yellow_fleurs

WC I am so sorry. I had a mentor once who acted in a similar way, lying and manipulating intentionally and I had thought on some level that she was actually cared about me and considered me a friend. I felt soo upset to have to look back at her actions and reframe them as manipulation tactics or whatever she was doing. Although, then I realized there had been signs I had overlooked and became mad at myself. I can't even imagine what you are going through, if I was so upset over that, and this is someone you thought was your best friend for so long. Really, my heart goes out to you and I hope he starts behaving so you can wrap things up without unnecessary stress. The fact you are handling this at all is super impressive honestly, I imagine I'd just break down and not be functioning.

Thanks so much for your response! I appreciate your sharing about your own experiences. I am sorry you went through having been a friend to someone so full of deceit.

Yes, he always had a "reason" for everything. I'd questioned quite a bit, though I had trusted him. So if he told me something was true, I'd ,generally, believe him. I had been extremely adamant he never participate in certain activities and straight up told him if he was participating in anything illegal, I'd report him. so... he hid those things very well. We've found another internet network (another connection to the internet) tied in with our usual home internet network. He was using that network to cover up and to carry on with whatever he was doing. He also had a "burner phone."

Between having a separate and a "secret" network, having locks on "vaults" throughout different areas of the computer, etc., etc., he looks quite "guilty."

He is adamant that he knows nothing about the secret network, the vaults full of XXX, etc. He continues to shout that someone hates him and is trying to set him up. He is VERY believable. pathological liars often convince themselves that they are not lying.

Interestingly, I had told him about some of the "things" I have found. He just sat there and/or admitted to them. However, once the police became involved, he'd started screaming "set-up!"

Yes, it is very disturbing to me that anyone could be that deceitful. and could carry on for years! I just don't understand living a double life like that? Why would he stay with someone for 27 years if he has to cover up who he is and what he is doing? Maybe because his secret activities are not generally acceptable to most anyone?

His "blips," those times certain aspects of himself slipped out, he had adamantly blamed his BP illness. He'd see his pdoc and would pull the wool over his pdoc's eyes, as well. I was invited into sessions now and then, so H could "prove" his BP "made him do it." He has had his pdocs convinced of this. One female pdoc had clearly said his issues were more "character - related" than related to BP. She was immediately "fired."

To this day, every time I start to explain the situation to one of my doctors, they ALL blame his behavior on his BP! It has NOTHING to do with BP illness! His "character" sucks! Much to my chagrin.

I see much more now, looking back. I am both angry and saddened.

It all is doing a number on my head, and is messing with "trust" in lots of ways.

Thanks again for sharing. It means a lot to me that you'd open up and would take the time to share here. I am sorry you have gone through what you have gone through!

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by sadveiledbride

Have a migraine and feeling ****** about myself. I should really be sleeping right now.

I am sorry you have been suffering with a migraine!
I hope you have been ale to get some sleep. As I understand it, sleep is the best remedy for migraines. I used to have migraines every day, so am somewhat familiar with them.

I hope you feel better soon!

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

Thanks to everyone for your warm thoughts regarding my sweet bird boy. Unfortunately, we lost him this morning. It's been extremely rough for my husband and me, and will continue to be for a while. The avian vet told us our sweet young boy accidentally swallowed something containing lead. I can't even imagine what there was that even contained lead. We will try to find out to notify other parrot owners of the risk.

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss.