dysphoric mania, in a mixed state

Jedi67 · May 02, 2019, 04:02 PM

I am so stressed right now. really feeling dysphoric. got some bad news about my blood pressure yesterday and had to get lab work done because they think something adrenal may be causing my hypertension. my BP numbers are thru the roof and I am on 3 meds already. I think this was my trigger, but I've been feeling mixed for a while, but not as bad as the last two days.

I'm agitated, restless, have decreased need for sleep and at night I feel energetic and elevated. during the day I'm depressed and moving slow, but still talking fast and having racy thinking. ugh. this is the worst. I had to call my wife earlier today at her job because I was driving aimlessly around and in the past, that has gotten me into trouble when hypo-manic. anywho, I've started the new BP meds just now and I am still waiting on the results of the lab work. also, I see my T tomorrow. so wish me luck, gang. that's all I have. just wanted to vent. want this mixed episode to be over. I hope to see my PDoc sooner rather than later. I must have made a thousand typos because I'm typing so dang fast...

fern46 · May 02, 2019, 05:42 PM

Hugs to you. Mixed episodes are so hard and can really break you down. You sound really self aware though. Kudos to you for being able to articulate what you are going through and reaching out. Are you seeking help from your pdoc?

I'm sorry about the BP. That must feel scary. I hope your doctor gets it sorted out soon.

Wander · May 02, 2019, 05:48 PM

Mixed episodes are awful. I hope your T can help. Maybe a med adjustment is required. We are all here to support you so keep posting if that helps. I wish you all the best.

Jedi67 · May 02, 2019, 07:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wander

Mixed episodes are awful. I hope your T can help. Maybe a med adjustment is required. We are all here to support you so keep posting if that helps. I wish you all the best.

thanks so much Wander! I do see my T tomorrow. I hope he can get me seen by my PDoc sooner. I just came down from a nap and I feel like I got hit by a bus. I think I'm crashing hard. I can barely move but my mind is going a mile a minute.

earlier my wife said that I looked "confused and zippy" which frightened me a bit. I'm about to have a snack and watch a movie to see if I can get refocused and centered. I fear that tonight the mania will rear it's ugly head and I'll be up all night.

thanks so much for your kind words and support! much appreciated.

Jedi67 · May 02, 2019, 07:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fern46

Hugs to you. Mixed episodes are so hard and can really break you down. You sound really self aware though. Kudos to you for being able to articulate what you are going through and reaching out. Are you seeking help from your pdoc?

I'm sorry about the BP. That must feel scary. I hope your doctor gets it sorted out soon.

that is exactly how I feel: broken down. I do see my T tomorrow and I am looking to have him get me in to see my PDoc for a meds adjustment. it was in the works anyway but down the line. I'm going to have to have it done sooner. feeling very chaotic now. articulating is rough when my mind is racy but I'm trying to kick in some mindfulness.

thanks so much for your hugs and support, fern46!

fern46 · May 02, 2019, 08:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jedi67

that is exactly how I feel: broken down. I do see my T tomorrow and I am looking to have him get me in to see my PDoc for a meds adjustment. it was in the works anyway but down the line. I'm going to have to have it done sooner. feeling very chaotic now. articulating is rough when my mind is racy but I'm trying to kick in some mindfulness.

thanks so much for your hugs and support, fern46!

Hang in there. Hopefully they can help you soon. You are impressing me. I couldn't hold a thought for longer than the second it took me to blurt it out when I was in a mixed state. Actually, it was that or I would get stuck on something and repeat it or yell it over and over in a creepy voice. Ugh. So strange. I wish our brains could just skip malfunction mode.

Watching a movie sounds like a good distraction. I hope it helps.

yellow_fleurs · May 02, 2019, 08:26 PM

I am sorry Jedi,. Do you know if anything adrenal related could be making your mood issues worse? I hope either way this passes quickly for you and you figure out what's going on with the blood pressure.

Jedi67 · May 03, 2019, 12:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fern46

Hang in there. Hopefully they can help you soon. You are impressing me. I couldn't hold a thought for longer than the second it took me to blurt it out when I was in a mixed state. Actually, it was that or I would get stuck on something and repeat it or yell it over and over in a creepy voice. Ugh. So strange. I wish our brains could just skip malfunction mode.

Watching a movie sounds like a good distraction. I hope it helps.

thanks fern46! watching the movie and listening to a podcast helped somewhat but I was so elevated that it didn't last too long, unfortunately. I've had the same experiences with repeating thoughts, words and such when elevated. last night I was going on and on about the anxiety and agitation. I couldn't get centered and I tried doing some grounding with a rubix's cube and a fidget spinner lol. I had such a decreased need for sleep that I re-organized the paperbacks in my office. ugh. so manic...I hate it...thanks for the kind words and thoughts, fern46! much appreciated

Jedi67 · May 03, 2019, 12:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by yellow_fleurs

I am sorry Jedi,. Do you know if anything adrenal related could be making your mood issues worse? I hope either way this passes quickly for you and you figure out what's going on with the blood pressure.

thank you so much! I did get the lab work back and I have yet to hear from my GP but I started the new meds for the high BP already. I looked over the lab work in my chart app and I don't know how to make sense of it all but my a1c blood sugar was a bit hit, so I have to definitely cut out sugary snacks for sure. everything seems to be in normal parameters so I guess that's good but in my mixed state, it doesn't help not knowing these things right away. thanks again for reaching out. I'm going to start a update thread shortly.

FearLess47 · May 03, 2019, 01:08 PM

Ugh, hope it gets better today jedi67! I'm kind of in a similar place of in betweens and I am sorry but ""confused and zippy" made me laugh out loud, literally....because it makes so much sense to me.

I was looking for a "same boat" smilie but this is all I could find.

Keep us posted.

FearLess47

Jedi67 · May 03, 2019, 01:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FearLess47

Ugh, hope it gets better today jedi67! I'm kind of in a similar place of in betweens and I am sorry but ""confused and zippy" made me laugh out loud, literally....because it makes so much sense to me.

I was looking for a "same boat" smilie but this is all I could find.

Keep us posted.

FearLess47

haha! titanic! I love it. yeah, "confused and zippy" made me laugh a bit too but it was one of weird manic laughs where I think it's funny, but at the same time I'm like: "um holy crap. that doesn't sound good. I'm gonna go clean out my garage now..." being in betweens is a perfect way to sum up mixed states. sometimes I feel it's worse than being either one or the other.

thanks for reaching out and for the support, FearLess47! I appreciate it!

FearLess47 · May 03, 2019, 02:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jedi67

haha! titanic! I love it. yeah, "confused and zippy" made me laugh a bit too but it was one of weird manic laughs where I think it's funny, but at the same time I'm like: "um holy crap. that doesn't sound good. I'm gonna go clean out my garage now..." being in betweens is a perfect way to sum up mixed states. sometimes I feel it's worse than being either one or the other.

thanks for reaching out and for the support, FearLess47! I appreciate it!

You are not alone! My husband doesn't realize that I know this, but when he arrives home from work there is always a little bit of peeking around the corner to see which wife he is coming home to...horrible to say, and I hate being the "wife" that changes, but it is sort of an obvious re-creation of my "which mommy am I coming home to?" childhood.

When I'm in the in betweens, I now try to get all my wiggles out before he arrives home.

Sigh. It is not a perfect science.

FL47

Jedi67 · May 03, 2019, 03:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FearLess47

You are not alone! My husband doesn't realize that I know this, but when he arrives home from work there is always a little bit of peeking around the corner to see which wife he is coming home to...horrible to say, and I hate being the "wife" that changes, but it is sort of an obvious re-creation of my "which mommy am I coming home to?" childhood.

When I'm in the in betweens, I now try to get all my wiggles out before he arrives home.

Sigh. It is not a perfect science.

FL47

get the wiggles out! I like that. I should be mindful of doing that whenever I'm around people. I'm definitely the husband and dad that changes. just yesterday I asked my son to keep an eye out on me because of my mixed mania, and he looked me at said jokingly, "but in an hour you'll be normal, right?" that made me crack up. sometimes you can kind of joke around with your family and be self deprecating about BP.

I had a step dad when I was young who suffered from mood shifts and some days I tip toed around him so I know what you mean by "which person" you get from day to day. whether it's us or someone else.

FearLess47 · May 03, 2019, 03:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jedi67

get the wiggles out! I like that. I should be mindful of doing that whenever I'm around people. I'm definitely the husband and dad that changes. just yesterday I asked my son to keep an eye out on me because of my mixed mania, and he looked me at said jokingly, "but in an hour you'll be normal, right?" that made me crack up. sometimes you can kind of joke around with your family and be self deprecating about BP.

I had a step dad when I was young who suffered from mood shifts and some days I tip toed around him so I know what you mean by "which person" you get from day to day. whether it's us or someone else.

Yep. Last night we went to bed and the fur-child starting playing really loudly with her toys. Really loudly. Really obnoxiously. It gave me the giggles. A welcome relief from the frowns but not a good time. Fur ball kept going and I only escalated in laughing so hard I cried. My husband put his head under his pillow and said "I'm living with two crazies."

That only made me laugh more.

It is what it is....

Jedi67 · May 03, 2019, 03:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FearLess47

Yep. Last night we went to bed and the fur-child starting playing really loudly with her toys. Really loudly. Really obnoxiously. It gave me the giggles. A welcome relief from the frowns but not a good time. Fur ball kept going and I only escalated in laughing so hard I cried. My husband put his head under his pillow and said "I'm living with two crazies."

That only made me laugh more.

It is what it is....

"it is what it is..."
that's been my mantra since day one of my diagnoses.