[SorryShaped]

I'm taking my meds as prescribed. This is not ok. I'm still depressed. I still want to die. I'm not very safe. But, I can't cry any more? Really. I can't. This level of pain is beyond ok for me. I watched a very sad video and I'm still dry-eyed. I'm not able to laugh genuinely either. Maybe this is the combination of meds I need? To be empty? Devoid of feelings other than this deep, dank, hatred of self that festers like an open battlefield wound? I'm also having a LOT of anxiety attacks, which go untreated. I feel anxious at a ten of ten all the time. It's like life can't get over fast enough.

[bizi]

I am sorry you are struggling so much right now. What has gotten you thru a rough patch in the past?
bizi

[SorryShaped]

In the past, I felt like I had something to hold onto. I'm not that important any more. I don't feel love. Nor joy. Empty and sad and bad are all I got. Would it be so bad if I, the POS that I am, gave up completely?
Now,
My new neighbor's dog is being noisy and they're moving stuff in at one in the morning. I want to be a good neighbor but they have to let people sleep. I heard other neighbors up too, when I went to see what the problem is. They're waking up the whole building.

[MickeyCheeky]

I'm so sorry you're hurting so much, SorryShaped! Is it possible for you to change Meds? I'd suggest to talk to your Pdoc about ALL of this and see how it goes from there if you haven't already! Unfortunately Depression and some Meds can really make you feel numb! It is even worse when everything that you can experience are only NEGATIVE FEELINGS! I'm so sorry, it must be VERY PAINFUL for you! Please NEVER give up hope although I understand that's hard to do in your current situation! We're here for you if you need to talk to somebody, ANYBODY! Do you have a support system IRL? I certainly hope so! Even if you don't, we'll STILL be here for you! WE'LL NEVER ABANDON YOU! I PROMISE YOU ALL OF THAT BECAUSE IT IS TRUE! PLEASE REMEMBER ALL OF THAT AS MUCH AS YOU POSSIBLY CAN BECAUSE IT IS TRUE! Please keep us updated as much as you possibly CAN if you want to! We DO want to know how things are going for you and if things are getting ANY BETTER and if there's ANYTHING at all that we can do to HELP YOU OUT! Please keep us updated as much as you possibly CAN if you want to! WE ALL CARE ABOUT YOU! WE'LL ALL DO EVERYHTING THAT'S IN OUR POWER TO HELP YOU OUT! THAT'S A PROMISE! Sending many safe, warm hugs to you, SorryShaped!

[hope2010]

I am sorry you are struggling so much SorryShaped. I hope you can check with your doctor about your medication. Please don't give up hope. This is the time when you need to contact someone. Please keep writing, I am here, hugs

[SorryShaped]

My next appointment is on the fourth.
I'm so over trying though. It will be another meds trial and probably won't work either. So tired of trying and getting nowhere or worse, back where I started

[hope2010]

Originally Posted by SorryShaped

My next appointment is on the fourth.
I'm so over trying though. It will be another meds trial and probably won't work either. So tired of trying and getting nowhere or worse, back where I started

I know what you mean, it is so difficult to start all over again with new medications, new doses. I went through that so many times.

I wish the PD can see you sooner.
Meantime is there anyone in your support network that you can get in touch?
A therapist maybe?

You might be tired of me asking you questions. I mean well though.

I am here, one hour at the time, one day at the time. You are not alone.

[daveanthony]

Get bloodwork done, check hormones, hows your diet?, do you exercise? It takes alot of work to take care of yourself the right way. This culture makes it really easy to get sick and unwell without even knowing your doing anything wrong.

[hope2010]

Yesterday, I was feeling empty too. Today is better though. There were so many times when I was tired of trying too. But I always thought that there has to be a new treatment, a new hope for me to get the right medications and therapy and happened. I wish the same for you, hold on really tight. You are not alone..

[SorryShaped]

I see my therapist the same day.
I appreciate that you're trying to help, but I'm really hopeless of it getting better.

[SorryShaped]

Originally Posted by daveanthony

Get bloodwork done, check hormones, hows your diet?, do you exercise? It takes alot of work to take care of yourself the right way. This culture makes it really easy to get sick and unwell without even knowing your doing anything wrong.

Bloodwork due next month, after tsh was very high and levothyroxine got upped last month. I've been taking the meds for it for over a decade. There's potential for abnormal results if I go to a specialist. My thyroid showed a small growth on one lobe two years ago, but it was listed as "insignificant.". I'm eating ok. I force myself to exercise, possibly more than enough. 2 hours today. I think Abilify took away my ability to cry but didn't take my depression or emptiness.