[clownvalhalla]

I've been having a suspicion that I've been in some kind of episode with mixed features for the past week or so. I'm diagnosed with bipolar 2 but hopefully you can see that in my signature.

I've definitely been experiencing hypomanic symptoms that aren't particularly elevated (thanks to being medicated and having a semi-regular schedule because my manager likes to give us the same schedules every week if he can help it, probably), but I'd like to get opinions on it.

As far as being hypo goes, I've been at least experiencing being more talkative/pressure to keep talking (especially at work to customers, and I was pretty well a chatterbox on a Discord call I was on Saturday night), some racing thoughts (mostly manifesting in trying to think about a bunch of ideas at once), some increase in goal-directed activity (I've been working on spreadsheets and character sheets for role playing quite a lot in the past week), psychomotor agitation when I wasn't working (lots and lots of tapping and pacing), and impulsivity (I tend to take a lot of caffeine when I'm already hypomanic and I was popping caffeine pills like candy when I keep them to pep myself up while depressed; I ended up taking prescription painkillers recreationally two or three times; spent almost my entire last paycheck on Lush and clothes).

However, the goal-directed activity felt hollow and I wasn't really interested in what I was doing but I just had to do something? I also have been feeling sad and uncomfortable like I had a bunch of pent up energy that for some reason I thought I would be able to relieve by self harming again (almost 20 times in the past week), thinking about hurting myself in more dangerous ways then feeling guilty about thinking and acting on these thoughts, and I've been swinging wildly between not sleeping at all (and not needing the sleep until I get tired at 5 PM and decide to lay down a couple hours later) and sleeping for ridiculously long periods of time (the past four nights I've gone from no sleep to 14 hours to no sleep again to 18 hours). I also went off my meds for four days during this though I'm back on them again and I feel like I'm about to cry right now, but I have to go to work soon. I also have a killer headache.

Anyway, to sum it up, all I've wanted to do the past week is eat grilled cheese sandwiches and listen to Marina's Electra Heart album. Does this sound like a mixed episode or is this just my anxiety messing with basic depression? Or maybe something else?

[TunedOut]

I think that coffee really feels great when we are a bit hypo but also contributes to hypo. So can going off our meds all at once for four days (if I want to go off a med, I do it one at a time and gradually but when you step down, it can affect your sleep). Though we want to keep going we also need to force ourselves to stop looking at screens at a certain time in the evening then go to bed at the same time every day. When I find myself laying there, I used to take a Xanax then (but have only taken one/half a pill since July 29th--I slowly weened myself off by laying their and trying to meditate in bed to help the racing thoughts but will take it if I really need too). Doing too much overtime at work can definately make us hypo--been there. It is important to stick to certain routines. It might not stop hypo or mania but IMO it will lessen how bad they get. Try to calm your schedule down? Maybe have a day where you do nothing but walking, watching TV or whatever it is that tends to calm you down? You know you are going over the edge, are there things that you have done in the past that help you stabilize (drugs, foods, activities, therapy, warm bath before bedtime, whatever works)?

[Holdingbacktyrs]

Don’t take this the wrong way, but rather than ask here, can you call your pdoc? You list symptoms off a dsm checklist, but it’s way more complicated than the dsm. Over the many decades I’ve been treated, and I think I’ve read everything under the sun about bipolar, I’ve learned that a docs experience is really what we need. Not self diagnoses.

[fern46]

I'm not an expert, but I would say the self harm is cause enough to call your doctor and let them know your symptoms. I imagine being in this state feels quite uncomfortable. I hope it resolves for you soon.