Bipolar check in #37

Has the med increase helped at all yet with sleep? It'll be 3 weeks Tuesday. All my symptoms are still there + depression but I don't think those quizzes are fair. I think my symptoms are less but not enough. I was able to sleep 10 hrs last night though without meds.

Finally got some sleep. It was more like I passed out, no dreams. Closed my eyes then when I opened them there was light. Do feel better. Still have head noise but it's less. The grandkids are coming today, so my daughter can get school work done. Since going back to college she's maintained an A average despite having two kids and a internship. She definitely handles her BP better than I did at her age.

I am extremely anxious. I stayed in bed until 10am yesterday and today because I was too anxious to get up. I am anxious about teaching. I have to come up with lesson plans and I know the kids are not going to like what we are doing (reading short stories) so I know it’s going to be a struggle. Every day is a struggle with them. I’m wondering if this was a good idea. I wish I was better at this.


Plus my paycheck was waaaay lower than I expected. I’m only taking home $200 more despite making $30,000 more on paper. It HAS to be a mistake. I can’t imagine that my taxes are more than 50% of my income! I have to check my paystub to figure it out. I can’t survive on my paycheck now, not with rent and childcare and all my bills. Part of the reason I wanted to teach again was that it was so much more money. I wouldn’t have taken the job had I known I would be paid so little. I’m hoping it’s a mistake somehow.


I’m so anxious that something is going to happen to RS. He’s trying to reassure me that he will be fine, but I know different. I know people can just die out of the blue. To be fair he doesn’t take drugs of engage in other risky behaviors but that doesn’t mean anything. He could die in a car crash or an aneurism or something. Anything. I don’t know what would happen to me if that happened. I’m having a really hard time getting the worry thoughts out of my head. He went out wheeling (going out on trails in his Jeep) today and I won’t feel comfortable until he’s home safe, which probably won’t be until around dusk. It’s going to be a long day


I hope I can get a handle on this anxiety. I hope it is just a temporary reaction to starting a new job. I don’t have any PRNs for anxiety. Ativan makes me too stoned. I haven’t taken klonopin in years, not sure how I’d react to that. However I don’t see pdoc until November. And I have to get insurance first. I won’t have insurance until nov 1.

Ooo I'm still spacy from my lack of sleep. I'm too old to handle this. I drove mum to the store and almost ran a red light, at the last minute I stopped. I was looking right at the light too. Then when I got home and backed into the driveway I did a terrible job, crooked and way to close to the wall.

Oh no !!! Is there any med you can try now that ambien up and died on you ?? Maybe go back to older medication that once worked? I have done that in the past and a couple were helpful again , well until they quit again. I think insomnia is the worse symptom of Bipolar !

Please stay safe

I don't even know what "feeling like myself" is anymore. Since my symptoms started popping up I've either been zonked out on meds or in some sort of episode (or both), not to mention how past trauma is screwing with me today. I took a shower, hid my sharp objects, and threw out my weed like you guys told me (well, honestly I smoked it all but either way it's gone). I'm going to make an effort to get better and I'm going to be honest and assertive at my next pdoc appointment which is on Tuesday.
Still feel like **** though.

I don't even know what "feeling like myself" is anymore. Since my symptoms started popping up I've either been zonked out on meds or in some sort of episode (or both), not to mention how past trauma is screwing with me today. I took a shower, hid my sharp objects, and threw out my weed like you guys told me (well, honestly I smoked it all but either way it's gone). I'm going to make an effort to get better and I'm going to be honest and assertive at my next pdoc appointment which is on Tuesday.
Still feel like **** though.

Trazodone worked for me for sleep.

I felt better today. Still low but better than yesterday so meeting my friends for lunch went well.

I had a nice meal... it's served on a large leaf instead on l of on a plate. And there was a lot of variety especially since it was all vegetarian. At the end of the meal you just put your big leaf into the bin that takes organic waste... no dishes to wash.

Moose can you require school or work? I don't know your finances. What does he want to do instead? I've sat down with Miguel and went through legally what is required of him when he turns 18. Maybe knowing it's not coming from you will help?