Am i a failure??

Brienne, I had the same troubles when studying to become an accountant. For my first 5 classes, I was either hypomanic or stable. In 1982, I had the highest mark in my province for Economics and won a medal.
In 1984 we moved 300 away miles from home. I fell into a depression and could no longer study. I took calculus twice and didn't even try to write the exam because I knew I'd fail. My brain fog was so bad that I couldn't understand it at all. (My final mark in grade 12 algebra was 97%, so my intelligence wasn't the problem.) It was depression. It was 3 more years until my depression was diagnosed, but I had quit my accounting classes by then and didn't go back. My career would have been a lot different if I'd continued once I was happy again. I could have made twice what I did as an accounting clerk. I was turned down for many jobs because of my lack of a diploma, even though I had extensive experience.
The imipramine I was given in 1987 made me hyperthymic, sometimes to the point of hypomania. I should have gone back to my studies, but I had 2 small kids, a full time job, and a husband who traveled for work. Bad excuses, I know. Other people do it.
Keep the faith. You can prevail. Give your moods time to adjust. Take time off from your studies if you can and then go back.
I have deep regrets about quitting my accounting classes. Do only what you can, and do your best. My best in 1984 was depression and brain fog. I hope you can overcome your issues, not like me.

I deal with this all the time. One of the things I try to remember is not to compare me now with me before I was sick. They are two completely different people. Did I have lots of diplomas from all the right places and a fun, stimulating business? Yes, I was very fortunate. But I was healthy then. It was easy. It is totally unfair to compare that person then to me, today. Then, my goal might have been to launch a cool, new product I helped develop in China, say. Now, today, my goal is to make it to bedtime. It doesn't sound like a lot, but for me, depending on how this day goes, it could be brutal. I might barely make it. I might not--who knows? We'll just have to see.

It is unfair for us to compare ourselves to those who do not suffer from these illnesses. They don't hear voices, or think the CIA is rapelling down from a chopper around the corner, or think they're God, or the president. They don't deal with depression so crushing there seems no possible way out. 'Normal' people live in a different universe. I choose to stay in mine, where my goals and achievements are recognized and appreciated by others just like me. So. give yourself a break. You're doing great.

It doesnt sound like you didnt overcome your issues to me. I mean, you have 2 kids and a husband. I know, its not a diploma, but its a huge deal. Im too coward to have kids, and also too emotonally inastable to have a permanent partner. It sounds like at least you made it trough to form a family, and thats a lot if you ask me.
Im gonna try to keep going in my studies. Sadly im too "old". I mean, not really old, but im 30 and in my country its almost impossible to compatibilice studies and work (unless you enroll in a low quality university).
Thank you for your words, i send you a virtual hug from here.

I never felt so understood like now. All the comments including this have make me feel so much better. I mean, its still hard to "forgive yourself" when you have lived all your life based on what others think of you. Particularly with this kind of disease that not many people understand. But at least all this comments give me hope and some kind of peace.
Its so hard to remember what i was 10 or 20 years ago. It hurts. But you are right, its not fair, its pointless. Im gonna try to change that kind of thoughts.
Thank you so much for your words.