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Legendary Wise Elder
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Member Since Jul 2011
Location: Tennessee
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#301
Not the greatest day... nothing specific , just tail end of prednisone slapped me down a bit I’m thinking.
Otherwise I went about my day normally, ran a couple loads of wash, I’m a bit weird I wash my sheets every 2 days. I just love fresh sheets. Made a nice chicken Caesar salad for dinner , much lighter meal than last nights. I’m so grateful I see my T tomorrow. I went weekly for 7 years. But financially I had to go bi weekly now which at times is difficult. I need to talk out a couple things about self worth and self loathing that beast seems to be trying to break into my mind again. Hope everyone has a good evening and is able to find good sleep tonight __________________ Helping others gets me out of my own head ~ |
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Silver Swan
Member Since Jan 2008
Location: USA
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#302
Quote:
I hope your T knows what a great person you are to me and ALL of us here! If that doesn't scream self worth I dunno what does. You certainly are appreciated! How many more days of prednisone do you have? I bought some generic zyrtec today. Ive been sneezing a lot and my eyes are crusty. I have taken one for the last 3 or so days so I feel better. I'm gonna be up reading with "Bewitched" the movie on in the background. I hope you sleep well. __________________ Wellbutrin XL 300 mg Ingrezza 80 mg Propranolol 20 mg 2x/day Invega 3 Mania (December 2023) Mixed episode/Hypomania (September 2023) Depression, Anxiety and Intrusive thoughts (September 2021) Depression & Psychosis (July/August 2021) Mania (April/May 2019) |
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Wild Coyote, ~Christina
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Legendary Wise Elder
Community Liaison
Member Since Jul 2011
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 22,450
(SuperPoster!)
12 12.7k hugs
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#303
Quote:
Awww J ....thanks so much for such kind words I do hope my advice can help someone if even a little. It’s also really helpful for myself , if I’m thinking about someone else I’m not just stuck thinking about myself.. I do worry sometimes that I can be too blunt I try really hard to be mindful and reread my posts before I hit reply. I have 2 days left then half life nonsense I should be totally fine by Monday at the latest. Thanks again for such kind words , you have put a big smile on my face tonight __________________ Helping others gets me out of my own head ~ |
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-------no titles please--
Member Since Jul 2011
Location: Anywhere where I can grow
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#304
s to those that need or want one.
Thanks Wild Coyote very wise words. I struggled- but made it happen, it's difficult sometimes though. I am glad I didn't drive especially one or two days... I kept having issues with so many thoughts. My friend says it's been about a month or *month and *a half that I've been off a bit again... I'm always like "it's been like two weeks.. right?" Time eludes me a lot... creeping into swings ((if that's what these are)) eludes me as well. The brain mapping was a side mission, that I started in full-- then forgot for a second. It has been on the back burner, so to speak. I wanted to shop around after seeing the prices from one place... but also wanted to obtain information that would be needed in the mean time. The therapist meeting last week,was on a separate mission -- I felt like I dearly needed to check in with someone, and I hope that I will be able to stick with this t ((because I tend to leave therapy for one reason or another)). Had started to shop around for a therapist again, and had been looking at psychiatrists... I had been in therapy earlier this year with another, and he mentioned something that made me feel he wasn't really listening to me... so I left his services. He also told me the first few meetings with him, that I had too many diagnosis from previous doctors and I probably wasn't any of them. I don't mean to be difficult but... I am And it seems the more I am on this crazy train- a lot is opinion and --in truth, it seems like therapy should be an individual connect and journey. -- I am back home today from the trip, had and am grateful for it.. even if I know I could had planned and done more if I hadn't been so stressed out. The biggest thing was I wanted to see nature and did, so that's what counts also I am very grateful that on a train ride we took, the lady let us change seats after the ride started because I felt so close to everyone that I needed space. I probably drank too much on the trip, but it helped with taking an edge off. Found out my fit bit will say I am sleeping when I am not ((I knew it could be off sometimes but we saw a movie while on the trip, it said I slept during the movie lol))... too bad on that bit it's ok.. I just have so much issues logging anything but have been trying better. I've had some anxiety still like at the grocery store when we got back, .. some anxiety with thinking of work but it will be ok.. I remind myself I will probably enjoy to tell some about my trip Quote:
__________________ "A laugh is worth a hundred groans in any market." Charles Lamb
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Bizi is bizi
Member Since Nov 2005
Location: cajun country
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#305
Quote:
Do you take antidepressants? Maybe time for an adjustment? Sorry that you are struggling. Hope your appointment goes well and that he helps you. ((((((HUGS))))))) bizi edited to add.....THAT OF COURSE YOU ARE HELPFUL, never doubt that!!!!! __________________ 150mg of lamictal 2x a day haldol 5mg 2x a day 1mg of cogentin 2x a day klonipin , 1mg at night, 4-5 peri-colace for chronic constipation multi vit,, vit c, at noon, tumeric, caffeine at noon PRN Remeron 15mg at night, zyprexa10mg under tongue, requip2mg. Last edited by bizi; Oct 08, 2019 at 10:08 PM.. |
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Wild Coyote, ~Christina
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Wise Elder
Member Since Apr 2015
Location: US
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#306
I saw my pdoc yesterday so spent today being tired. I did go back and forth to my mom's to work on supper and made cornbread to go with our soup beans but that's it. I love my pdoc but 5 plus hours of driving montly is hard. Last night I missed my exit and took another way home. It only added a few minutes but it wasn't good.
My pdoc is worried about my anxiety score going up the last few months. She offered to let me go back up to my former dose of klonopin but I really don't want to go backwards, especially since something stressful has entered my life and it may be a while before I can go down again. Ultimately we decided to try making 200/400 mg of PRN gabapentin to routine and I'll take it at supper time. I'm just waiting to get to a few free days to start that. Otherwise things have just been calm and restful which is what I need after those visits. I ordered a winter coat that I badly needed. Last year I bought a winter coat but the zipper broke nearly immediately and I returned it but never found anything I liked to replace it. Hopefully this one will be good. My old one is many years old and doesn't fit well anymore along with looking ratty. I'm beginning to be anxious about my colonoscopy/endoscopy. I am not worried about the procedures but that they may find something. I assume they suspect something or they wouldn't do the scopes. Or they suspect some parasite that will show up on biopsy? It's hard because a loved one has just been diagnosed with cancer and so I'm hyper-alert. My mom made arrangements to go see my nieces Thursday and I've been ridiculously upset since I realized I have a vet appointment for my cat and Bible study that night and can't go. I miss my nieces. But there is a plan for them to be up next week I think. I'm getting tired. I hope I sleep like I did last night--just one awake time and it was only 45 minutes or so. Good night to all and sleep well to all who need it! |
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Legendary Wise Elder
Community Liaison
Member Since Jul 2011
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 22,450
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#307
Quote:
Thanks so much for your kind words I have been med free since April. In general I feel I have been doing well. Of course the Florida trip was a really hard time.. but these trips are always tough whether I am on meds or not... these trips have taken place for 15 years now, and will continue as our kids live in Florida. It’s situational really, so I think more of my needing to be more effective with using coping skills. I’m sure this long drawn out Asthma flare and subsequent need for prednisone could be the problem. It’s always something isn’t it ?? lol I have to laugh about it sometimes. __________________ Helping others gets me out of my own head ~ |
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Wild Coyote
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Legendary Wise Elder
Community Liaison
Member Since Jul 2011
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 22,450
(SuperPoster!)
12 12.7k hugs
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#308
Quote:
You have had so much going on for months now, I don’t blame you for not wanting to take a step back on your taper off benzo. I think scheduled Gabapentin is a wise choice. Honestly having those tests would make me worry the same. But in general that is just a typical test that most people having GI problems are just automatically going to need. At least once they are done you will get some answers and whatever treatment needed to get you fully back on your feet and healthy again. I really need to get a new winter coat, my old one is fine it’s just a bit to snug, my own fault of course. I’m sorry you missing time with your nieces. It’s wonderful that you have committed to continue your bible study group .. hope the vet visit is good news. Hope you sleep well __________________ Helping others gets me out of my own head ~ |
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Legendary
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Member Since Jun 2016
Location: USA
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#309
BeyondTheRainbow, Thinking of you, hoping things get easier! Love and prayers!
__________________ May we each fully claim the courage to live from our hearts, to allow Love, Faith and Hope to enLighten our paths. |
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BeyondtheRainbow
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Legendary
Community Liaison
Member Since Jun 2016
Location: USA
Posts: 12,735
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#310
Quote:
I am sure you will continue to *SHINE*!!! __________________ May we each fully claim the courage to live from our hearts, to allow Love, Faith and Hope to enLighten our paths. |
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bizi, ~Christina
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Jul 2014
Location: Milky Way
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#311
Yesterday I went for a swim, the first in months, and found out I really need to quit smoking. I was struggling to breath five minutes in. I could be a little unconditioned too. I took up smoking spontaneously about six months ago. It was a desperate way to try to cope with the PTSD. Still, the ocean was refreshing, and calming. Later I spent some quality time with my parents. I treasure these times more now I finally realise that they won't be around forever.
Today I saw my T then visited my partner. My T thinks I am improving which is encouraging. I haven't had a serious bipolar episode since February, but the PTSD has been bad. Right now I still feel shattered in pieces on the floor. A vulnerable place to be. When I meditate I become aware of a deep emotional pain that remains constant inside of me though I am unaware of it at most times. My T asked how long I thought it would take for me to feel strong enough to get a job. I don't know. Now is hiring time. I need a few more months. Should I force myself to work and risk making myself sick again? Money does help. All I know is I am not ready to decide on returning to work. I'm just not functioning on that level right now. But, dammit, I will get back to earning money soon. __________________ Bipolar 1 with psychotic features PTSD "Phew! For a minute there I lost myself." 'Karma Police' by Radiohead |
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Wild Coyote, ~Christina
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#312
I was hearing the mice again last night, but I didn't try the diffuser because I forgot and fell asleep. Then I was too lazy to set it up.
I think the mice stopped around 2:30am. I woke up at 10pm, 12:30am, 1am, 2:30am, 3:30am, and 4:20am. Just kept waking up because I was anxious about the mice breaking in!! I still need to finish cleaning, but I've been worn out and doing A LOT of work. Ugh... At least now I have the supplies for putting things away. I've just gotta do it. I need to push through it and get it done, little by little. |
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Wild Coyote, ~Christina
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Elder
Member Since Nov 2016
Location: Texas
Posts: 5,037
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#313
__________________ Diagnoses: PTSD with Dissociative Symptoms, Borderline Personality Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Fibromyalgia and Chronic Pain |
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Wild Coyote, ~Christina
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#314
As I mentioned in another post, I cancelled my volunteering for today. Just today, to give myself a little stress break. Plus, I see my psychiatrist in the afternoon. I dislike seeing him after a stressful morning. I'm already excited. Everyone I know well knows that seeing my psychiatrist is among my very favorite things to do. My husband has totally known this since I even met my psychiatrist over 13 years ago. Yes, I definitely have a major transference going on. My psychiatrist totally knows this, too. I don't care! I even joke about it -- even with my psychiatrist. It doesn't affect my treatment negatively. I guess if it did, I would need to switch.
So today is another dreary day, but felt pretty good yesterday with no indigestion or heartburn at all. So far so good on that front, too. I am still sleeping a lot, having trouble getting up, but after breakfast I have decent energy. I am going to ask my psychiatrist to lower my Seroquel XR by 50 mg. A small reduction. Yesterday my husband suddenly developed a major toothache. Our dentist was able to fit him in within hours. His tooth has to go. The dentist referred him to an oral surgeon for the extraction and tooth replacement. The bill will be about $5,000!!!!!!!!! Hubby and I talked about maybe just him having the extraction. It is a tooth that may not be that visible missing. The extraction should only cost a few hundred dollars. I told him that maybe he could wait until we move to France. Apparently such a procedure only costs about $2,500 there. Less than $2,000 in Czech Republic, where my husband is from. Yesterday I put on music in my living room and must have danced for at least 45 minutes. It felt wonderful! I do realize that I miss that passion. Last edited by Anonymous46341; Oct 09, 2019 at 11:11 AM.. |
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Wild Coyote, ~Christina
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Elder
Member Since Sep 2008
Location: Scotland, UK
Posts: 5,258
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#315
Struggling to get up in the morning taking me 2 hours to surface from the sofa yes I'm still sleeping on my sofa. Once up just feel exhausted I ache all over.
I've been out 3 days in a row which I guess is a positive. However the girl I was out with today says I'm not accepting that I'm depressed. She says I'm depressed and that I'm thinking of getting a job but I can't just yet as I can't look after myself. I still sleeping on the sofa. I agree I'm not doing great but maybe I could get a job maybe it would be the making of me? She knows a lot of things about me and says I'm hiding a lot and that I'm needing help. She says I need to open up and accept people want to help. She was saying nice things to me and tbh I felt I didn't deserve it at all. I mean why do people care.... I'm a nobody |
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Wild Coyote, ~Christina
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Legendary
Member Since Sep 2019
Location: Portland
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#316
Day started wrong. Way down and depressed and never picked up. Finally, gave up and went back to bed. Have not done that in forever. I feel better after getting up again, but am of course nervous. I hope today goes all right.
__________________ When I was a kid, my parents moved a lot, but I always found them--Rodney Dangerfield |
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Anonymous46341, beauflow, bizi, Innerzone, Nammu, Sunflower123, Wild Coyote
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Wild Coyote, ~Christina
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Mar 2019
Location: USA
Posts: 3,021
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#317
Quote:
I want to remind you that when you are manic you get very frustrated with people and feel they are abandoning you. Here you have a friend reaching out with what seems like genuine compassion and you're pushing it away. You are now the same person you were when you were manic even though a different aspect of you is at the forefront. You deserved a friend then and you deserve one now. I think your friend is trying to offer you a hand. Please consider listening to what she has to say and take her hand. She seems to have good intentions and perhaps some insight you could use at the moment. |
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Elder
Member Since Sep 2008
Location: Scotland, UK
Posts: 5,258
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#318
Yeah I would help a friend out...
I just feel like I don't deserve people or people being nice to me other than my family as we that's a given. They have been there all my life. My friends half if that of my life. I worry I'm going to hurt people. Become a burden on them. Be a royal pain in their butts. I'm not the best at this depression malarchy. I don't like it as my friend is talking to my old boss at my volunteering about me. Apparently my 2 ex bosses are concerned about me as when I spoke to them it was alarming. Tbh I can't remember what I actually spoke about that meeting has for some reason been erased from my mind. I remember meeting my boss but I don't remember what I said to her. My friend wants me to volunteer again at that organisation my bosses are from has been going on about it for a week. I'm constantly saying no. But she's on at me. I did 5 years there and in different roles. My friend also has bipolar so I go through depressive spells with her as she has type 2 where as I'm type 1. But for some reason this depressive spell in me is different. I'm starting to feel like life isn't working out for me and hurting myself is the only way out. Which I know is frowned upon. |
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Legendary
Community Liaison
Member Since Jun 2016
Location: USA
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#319
Quote:
What is going on? Lol! Someone wants to be your friend and you are playing "hard to get?" Play "hard to get" with the guys! Be friendly with the women who like you and want to support you! Fern has made some great observations! I hope you can fully hear what Fern is saying!? So, other than feeling like you are "nobody," what about starting friendships is scary or difficult for you? I'll go first. I am often concerned I might let my new friend down. How about you, Laura? What concerns do you have about forming new friendships? I hope you will find a way to let your friend be a part of your life! Much Love, Miss Laura! __________________ May we each fully claim the courage to live from our hearts, to allow Love, Faith and Hope to enLighten our paths. |
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Miss Laura
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Elder
Member Since Mar 2013
Location: NJ
Posts: 6,434
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#320
Still low today but I wouldn’t expect a med change to work immediately. I had off with my son for Yom Kippur so it was a lazy day. I wanted to go to the grocery store to get ingredients for potato soup as it is a perfect soup day but I couldn’t bring myself to. And I couldn’t imagine having the energy to make it. So oh well. I went back to bed around 2pm for acouple of hours. I wish I could stay there the rest of the night. But I can’t.
Trying to be present tonight. __________________ Of course it is happening inside your head. But why on earth should that mean that it is not real? -Albus Dumbledore That’s life. If nothing else, that is life. It’s real. Sometimes it f—-ing hurts. But it’s sort of all we have. -Garden State |
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Wild Coyote, ~Christina
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