Bipolar Check-In #38

Thank you Yeah, the thorazine doesn't seem to be the problem so I guess it's the abilify. I'm just unsure of what to do because the combo of meds I'm on is the only that has ever made me this stable. I don't want to give that up, but at the same time I don't want to gain massive amounts of weight and end up with diabetes (it runs on my fathers side). I had gained 100lbs on a med, invega sustenna, before and lost it all after being off it so I'm worried about gaining it all back again :/

Tell them what you told us. If they tell you to call 911 then you know you probably need to be on a hold or in IP. Pack a bag and go.

I hope the Haldol works for you soon. I realize how disturbing these thoughts must be. Hang in there Moose.

My brain needs restrained or something! This is all I am thinking about today. I just put on a movie I like and took 4 mg haldol PRN.

They are coming to my house to see me!! Aaagh! This was not in the cards of possibilities.

Today I recommenced my Lithium taper, but much slower this time. I have been able to cut my 450 mg tablets eight so I can reduce my dose by around 56 mg a day. So I am now taking 1 and 3/8ths tablets a day. I will stay like that for two weeks then keep sliding down if I don't get awful symptoms. Right now I still have tremors so I must be in the therapeutic range. I am hoping to get rid of the tremors, frequent urination, and thyroid issues by reducing, or coming off of, Lithium.

Yesterday I was able to be more productive which is encouraging. In the next few weeks I have plans to tick off all the items on my list of things to do that has been on hold while I was unwell. Nothing exciting, and a few infuriating like my iMac needing repair. I have spent hours on the phone to Apple but my computer is still very slow. Now I have to drag this huge thing into the Apple Store and hope they can repair it cheaply. I bought the $3000 computer in a manic state. I never needed it (I thought I was going to be a famous photographer then dropped out of my photography course), but now I have it I hate to throw it away. Unfortunately I now do not have much savings so, yeh, repairs must be cheap or its going.

Today is very gloomy. As it is usually sunny here the change is nice. I couldn't handle living under cloud cover though. Anyway, I had better get going. The shops await. Sending hugs to those in need.

So they arrived. We talked. She wrote my answers to a safety plan. Someone is calling me tomorrow. They said if Im about to harm myself call 911. We worked on a few coping skills like posting here and reading books. They were nice. Wonder what my pdoc will say on wednesday when I see her. One of the ladies who came talked with n3 so now he's got all my meds and vitamins.

Hey Moose, it's been several hours. I hope you aredoing better.

That's excellent that they stopped by and worked with you in person. It is great n3 can help. I know it is a huge responsibility for a child, but I know he's probably glad to help his mom out.

Moose I’m glad you got company to help you focus on being present and committed to staying safe.

Well it 7:11 am and my husband and have watched half of season 1 Shameless. This and ER are my top 2 most favorite shows of all times , hands down .. damn straight I want to be a Gallagher !

I have zero regret!

He’s snoring 12 seconds after his head hit the pillow, I’m so jealous

Hopefully the couple Xanax I took kick in so I get a bit of rest

Oh yeah here’s the BEST freaking part, I was able to take ALL 10 days of prednisone!! Yesterday my lungs have turned to trash AGAIN!! Wtf !!! I also have a very sore throat, my glands are sore and swelling and I’m coughing up junk! My Doctors office is closed today and I won’t even waste my time at a walk in clinic, they never give me the 850mg Amox , and that’s the only thing that ever clears up this Bronchitis !

Otherwise I’m doing G R E A T

Sorry to hear your throat etc. aren't doing so well. What about going to the hospital? I'm sure it'll be more expensive than a walk-in clinic, but you'll likely get the amoxicillin there if it's bronchitis. Hospitals tend to be good with that stuff, at least in my experience w/ Beth Israel in Boston (for bronchitis specifically). Then you don't have to suffer all weekend long (if the dr's office isn't open on the weekend either).

Season 1 was great! I'm glad you're enjoying it.

So sorry to hear you're feeling worse again. We need to get you off this roller coaster!

Thanks Blue. it’s an option but a very expensive one, I’ll have to be half dead to even consider. Ugh ugh ugh !

I’m just baffled by my lungs. I use Symbicort inhaler daily, normally it takes care of it , but usually I catch this crud once a year in the Fall so .. TaDa!!

So I shouldn’t be so shocked, but my lungs have been trash since the next morning from returning from the Florida trip ! 5 weeks is ridiculous , despite steroid shots, oral prednisone 2 other stronger inhalers and then adding an addl puff of my daily Symbicort.

Crazy crazy crazy ! Better go nebulize before I try and sleep, which just gives me high tachycardia for a couple hours.

#endrant

My behavior this morning has been at times over the top. If this keeps up or escalates, I will need to take a Seroquel prn. I asked my husband if perhaps my Seroquel XR reduction was not a good idea. He said to give it another couple of days. It was his idea to perhaps take the prn, if needed.

Then my mood crashes. It really has been cycling fast. I'm not used to this. It's disconcerting!

Uhhh, well,

New job is fun but I can't let things go and unwind at home. I have a work phone that I can't drop because I'm afraid I'd miss an importing meeting invite for the next day or something.

Forced myself to take my days off in a weird way this week and slept 12hrs both days. I'm rather concerned.... And I'm randomly dizzy, like fainting sort of can't stand. No one knows why, no one can help.

It's over a month now since I started but my brain is just not having it. I have a nice assignment already but I am getting stuck and it's making my head a bit worse....

I dunno, I see my nurse next week, maybe she can help.

What did I get myself into? :/

Just slightly depressed, better than yest., and super tired, I assume due to this being the second day without my Provigil (pharmacy ran out and had to order it). It's interesting, this fatigue thing brings up in me such a powerful emotional reaction. I believe this relates back to the years my depression wasn't adequately treated and my central fatigue was not treated whatsoever. I was just told to basically suck it up. I loved my pdoc then, rest her soul, but she just didn't treat all of me. That was such a painful time for me and I am transported back to those days when I feel this kind of fatigue. Interesting relationship between physical symptoms, emotional symptoms, and my memory. Anyhow, I can make it. I get to pick up my Provigil tonight, so I will have it in the morning. Onward!

Had a really rough time last night



I'm struggling with my ED lately. Made plans to hang out with a friend next week. My therapist wrote the letter I need for my college so I'll be getting that when I see her next

Hope everyone is doing well and has a good weekend

I’m sorry to hear you had a rough time last night. How are you feeling today? Sending hugs and supportive vibes.

I'm sorry you're feeling so unwell, Blue_Bird, but it is a very good thing that you've made positive plans with your friend. As for the letter for college, that's what you call taking an important step for self-care. I don't recall if you said it was a letter for a temporary break or accommodations. Either way, it seems to be done in a thoughtful way. Many of us need such letters, at times.

Hi Jennifer. That's lovely that you'll get to see your daughter soon. I think it is also wonderful that you've helped her "take flight". You know, there are many parents nowadays that seem to shelter and over protect. I know from my own experience, being taught about risks and challenges in life is important, but also is having confidence and the knowledge to be independent and free. That definitely also applies to women! I traveled abroad all by myself for the first time between my sophomore and junior years at college. I was with a group and had a support, though, but I had a certain independence there, as well. That trip was one of the most wonderful experiences of my life. I made my own money there, but I couldn't have taken the trip without the go-ahead (and plane tickets) from my mother. She said "Do it!" and I did.

My husband gets a lot of back and neck pain. Have you ever tried arnica cream or gel? My husband has sold half of his office mates on it. They sell it in the pharmacies near me, but he gets it even cheaper online.

Threw up my meds again last night. Tossed and turned until I gave up and watched tv, in the middle of dirk gently's detective agency felt sleepy. So around 6:30-7am went back to bed. Mum, I and my cat were at a hotel and my cat was sliding down balconies. Then I went off to watch a sport that the college was having. The contestants ran, swam and threw javelins. I was near the end where the last thing they did was throw the javelin. They were making holes in the Tarmac the javelins were so sharp. I was very close and edged to the cut off line so I could see them fly over my head. Then I realized it was getting late and I needed to get back cause mum needed super. I was panicking cause I had a long way to go and it was 7:30 already, way past her supper time. I hitched a ride by holding on to a big passing truck, it went faster and faster though a hyway maze until I went flying over the top of the cars. I was so scared but managed to reach down and bed down on a truck carrying foam mattress pads. Was still scared when I woke up breathing hard. Not one of my better dreams.

Thank you Jennifer, I'm feeling a bit better, I slept well last night and then went out to the library and got some books earlier, I hope you're doing well

Thank you BirdDancer, I try to reach out to friends when I'm not doing well and make plans because getting out of the house and being around people helps, I tend to isolate a lot. the letter was just support/documentation from when I had to withdraw in the spring due to mental health problems, they needed that so I can get back in for next spring.

I slept in. Im going to coffee with a friend in an hour. I feel better than last night for sure. I need a shower. Dont want one though. Its been days. I still feel like dozing in bed but I probably shouldnt.

I got so furious this morning, that I went a little nutty. I did finally calm down. I got what I really wanted done, plus I enjoyed one of my enjoyable pastimes, which is submitting recipes for contests and online/print magazines. I must confess that I got so excited about a Christmas cookie contest that I neglected to read all of the requirements for submission. Apparently the cookies had to contain a lot of butter. LOL! Neither of the cookie recipes I submitted even have any butter in them. I guess they'll be deleted quickly! Oh well!

Somebody may recall that I mentioned that my husband's tooth cracked. He's been in pain. We don't have the money (or at least desire to spend it) for a new tooth implant. We decided that he'd just get the sucka removed. It's not one that would be noticeable. Well he finally got an appointment with the "surgeon" and the first appointment is a "consultation". Consultation about what?!?! He just wants to stupid thing pulled. Nowadays they make up yet another excuse to charge you money. Hubby and I were almost joking that perhaps we should just put a wire around his tooth and attach it to a door handle (like you do with kids' teeth) and I would slam it shut and yank the bugger out. Just kidding, but this is ridiculous! We're also going to put off the plumbing issue. It's sort of workable, in a less than ideal way. Who has $5,000 for a tooth and $5,000 for a plumbing issue? Last Christmas we had to pay $3,000 for my two root canals. They were totally unavoidable because they were for my two front teeth. I'm gap toothed to begin with. Without them, I'd have a 6-lane highway showing.