[Pookyl]

This week is the 5th anniversary of my bipolar diagnosis. Typically it makes me reflect on how much my life has gone down the toilet since I got bipolar and I inevitably end up ip.
I’m trying hard to reframe it but struggling. A quote by Rachel Marie Martin seems fitting:
“Sometimes you have to let go of the picture of what you thought it [life] would be like and learn to find joy in the story you are actually living”.
Does anybody else reflect on what your life could’ve been?

Originally Posted by Pookyl

This week is the 5th anniversary of my bipolar diagnosis. Typically it makes me reflect on how much my life has gone down the toilet since I got bipolar and I inevitably end up ip.
I’m trying hard to reframe it but struggling. A quote by Rachel Marie Martin seems fitting:
“Sometimes you have to let go of the picture of what you thought it [life] would be like and learn to find joy in the story you are actually living”.
Does anybody else reflect on what your life could’ve been?

That's a great quote, Pookyl. Thank you for sharing it! There is great advice in that.

Of course I have done the whole "could have", "should have", "would have", "if only I had" thing (aka "dysfunctional thinking" that is helped greatly by CBT). I definitely have worked to stop that, but occasionally such thinking shows up again.

I realize that if I keep torturing myself about what one could harshly perceive as "failure", I'm doing myself a great disservice. I know that there is a lot to enjoy about the life I do have, even if to others it may seem limited. The greatest limiter to myself could definitely be myself. Sure, I have had to adjust some of my dreams, but there are many interesting new ones I am able to pursue. Or, the dreams can be looked at in a new way. Many of us with bipolar disorder tend to be creative and have times when we can think outside the box. We can use those talents to look past "losses" and see what we've gained from our experiences, and what possibilities are ahead.

I know we all have our slips back into depression and hard times. That sucks, but we gotta work to get passed those and move forward the best we can. There must be hundreds of good quotes out there that describe this. There are also hundreds of good quotes that talk about enjoying small accomplishments and pleasures, making them add up, and forming them into some big ones along the way.

I know some people find great value in recognizing anniversaries of negative events (deaths, hospitalizations, divorces, etc.). I'll confess that I try not to. That's just me. I do remember that I was diagnosed at age 32. I guess if I do the subtraction that is 16 years ago. I don't remember the month or day. If I really wanted to figure out the date of my first hospitalization, I could look at my medical records, but I won't. I do remember one of my hospitalizations falling on my birthday. I actually look at that as a positive occasion, because the other patients were so absolutely sweet to me on that day. They gave me artwork and nice notes. One gentleman even gave me a little Mickey Mouse watch. I have no idea why/how he had it, but I will never forget it.

[fern46]

Originally Posted by Pookyl

This week is the 5th anniversary of my bipolar diagnosis. Typically it makes me reflect on how much my life has gone down the toilet since I got bipolar and I inevitably end up ip.
I’m trying hard to reframe it but struggling. A quote by Rachel Marie Martin seems fitting:
“Sometimes you have to let go of the picture of what you thought it [life] would be like and learn to find joy in the story you are actually living”.
Does anybody else reflect on what your life could’ve been?

Excellent quote! Yes, I reflect and I mourn that loss. I can't help but wonder though... Life was screaming at me to make some changes. What if all of this pain is pushing me toward something greater?

[Pookyl]

Thanks BirdDancer. I must confess that I try not to remember anniversaries of negative events and I’m hoping with the passing of time that I’ll forget this anniversary also. I’m doing better this year than last year - maybe I’m slowly forgetting the specifics.

Thanks Fern. I haven’t really thought of it that way - will try and do so.

[Pookyl]

Oh and BirdDancer, I’m definitely doing myself a disservice thinking the way I do. So I’m taking myself through a CBT book.

[fern46]

Originally Posted by Pookyl

Thanks BirdDancer. I must confess that I try not to remember anniversaries of negative events and I’m hoping with the passing of time that I’ll forget this anniversary also. I’m doing better this year than last year - maybe I’m slowly forgetting the specifics.

Thanks Fern. I haven’t really thought of it that way - will try and do so.

My one year anniversary comes around in a month. It is hard not to be triggered, but I hold onto the knowing that there is more than one side to every circumstance. It is the view that we choose to focus on that makes all the difference.