Bipolar check in #39

Hi, all. Today I'm pretty much washed out, empty, and at the same time full of potential energy. Energy I can't seem to direct anywhere. Mary seems a bit exasperated with me, but is still supportive and concerned about my hollow behavior. Mixed episodes are pure hell.

Four weeks ago I had a complete meltdown, possibly the worst I've ever had. I'll spare you details, but it came on suddenly, and my pdoc was so concerned she called me and got me in the next day, an unheard of event at the VA. She got me an appointment with a new tdoc the same week, also unheard of. She and she have seen me three times each since then, with more sessions already scheduled for the next few months. I'm just cruising on auto-pilot right now, with fluoxetine/Prozac added to the mix.

Had a sleep study last night. Pdoc and I discussed the possibility that I could also be narcoleptic, as if I need a new complication. She asked me a slew of questions then scheduled me for a sleep study. Well, something got mixed up, since I was given a sleep study for sleep apnea. Will be seeing her in 4 days, I guess we'll start over

I hope everyone has a calm and enjoyable Halloween, sorry for being so verbose. (<< Does that look anything like a jack-o-lantern on your screen?)

I do feel like I'm having a bona fide downswing.


I don't really want to leave my home. It's been too stressful. My entire area has become a driving nightmare. Many NJ drivers are aggressive as it is, but when they start fixing roads, bridges, and power lines, etc., it's downright evil. The people that plan these things have no consideration for people's mental well-being. They start work on many roads at the same exact time. It gets to the point where you have to take 3rd or 4th choice routes to where you want to go because of detours and cops/others directing one-lane traffic. The 3rd and 4th choices are backed up, too. You attempt other ways, even making illegal turns to find another blockage.The aggression gets even worse with people cutting others off, butting in unfairly, honking on horns, tailgating, and even worse. The other day my husband was coming home to work and because he didn't let a man butt in where he shouldn't have, the man pulled up real close to my husband's car at a light and started banging on my husband's car to yell at him. Fortunately, my husband is adequately intimidating to shut such people up. When I've been driving, I find myself literally screaming in my car. I can be aggressive, too. I crank up my radio to full blast and swing loudly or even almost "headbang" to heavy metal music. Middle fingers, etc., are very common. Then you get behind someone doing 25 mph in a 45 mph area with no place to pass.


Dad has been moved to a rehab facility. Kind of a place between the hospital and being able to return home. My sister said that a woman (social worker???) will be talking to all of us about Dad's aftercare. Sis said for me to expect a call. That means I have to answer my phone no matter what. Usually I screen calls because most are robocalls or solicitation calls. Occasionally I get called from people who say "You just called me!" and I hadn't. These criminal robocall people somehow call where it shows a local number, even ones that are actual residential numbers. I once had one man tell me to report it, but there is nothing we can do at this point. People would be be reporting such thing multiple times per day. Politicians have to do something about this! Sometimes the solicitors are even aggressive. Honestly, you are supposed to be in the safety of your own home and you end up having fights with callers. Even "good" solicitors are cocky/aggressive. Once the New York Philharmonic tried calling us to sell a season package and we put our parrot on the phone with him. We left for a bit and came home to find a voice message saying "Your parrot agreed to our season package, so I will need your credit card number to complete the purchase." At least that did make us laugh. Most are not laughing matters.

Not sleeping. I need to go to Walgreens and to the bank but lack of sleep makes me ultra sensitive to the cold and it's cold out there. I'm still in my pjs and it's afternoon here! I'm huddled under my red furry blanket. No snow tonight but definitely tomorrow


Not expecting many trick or treaters because of this. So who wants some candy? I bought a huge bag this year. I swear it's calorie free!


Birddancer I hear you about bad tempered drivers. When I lived in Austin Texas the driving was horrible and there's only a few roads that go north/south and they seem to work on them at the same time.,,,,,,,,, And don't get me started on robo calls! My cell phone was for texting only but I got tons of phone calls. I only gave my number to a couple people who knew not to use the regular phone but I had so many phone numbers calling me, most said local numbers! Ha! I never answered the phone but they persisted in calling.

I’ve been ok the last few days. Running around trying to get everything together for my new job. Had to drive 45 mins for my physical which annoyed me, and it wasn’t even completed because I have to get my back surgeon to sign off that I’m fit to work. So I might have to drive another half hour to the neighboring state just to get that done! So annoying! At least she didn’t want my pdoc to sign off, I never would have gotten that done with the completely incompetent office staff they have there.


Yesterday I had dinner with my brother and we talked. I feel more confident now that he is not intentionally cutting me out of his life. I still don’t think his wife likes me anymore, but I wasn’t going to bring that up. I just wanted to make sure he knew how I felt and that I knew how he felt. So we cleared the air on a lot of stuff. It was good.


Tonight was supposed to be a total washout for Halloween but it’s looking now like it will just be cloudy. That’s good! My son was disappointed when I told him we might not be able to go trick or treating. I think we will be able to go now. He is going to be a skeleton from fortnite (even though he doesn’t play fortnite). It was the only skeleton costume I could find. I’m not good at making costumes, I don’t have to patience for it. I’m not dressing up. I don’t like it.


One highlight of my day - I went to the bank to deposit the rent check and there was a full grown man dressed in a chicken suit sitting waiting to be seen. LOL! I’m glad some people get into Halloween!

Checking in today. I’m doing okay and the pain is under control. I’m stable right now? I need to get some interesting things going on in my life. I will look into fall and winter activities...for right now I’m going to start back at the YMCA bright and early tomorrow morning. I’m hoping water aerobics and the hot tub helps.


My time on another thread that has meant a great deal to me has come to an end. Just like when good friends choose to leave PC...it’s bittersweet. It’s hard letting go sometimes.


Happy Halloween to all who celebrate it.


Warm wishes to all for a peaceful Thursday and hugs to those that are struggling.

I'm sick with a cold. I'm feeling cold and everything hurts.

I'm drinking water, taking Tylenol and trying to rest although I am working from home.

Im feeling undone lately. I think i was anxious yesterday and though things have passed I still feel the leftover. Im at my mom's having dinner. Theres pie for dessert!

Hi, all. Today I'm pretty much washed out, empty, and at the same time full of potential energy. Energy I can't seem to direct anywhere. Mary seems a bit exasperated with me, but is still supportive and concerned about my hollow behavior. Mixed episodes are pure hell.


Four weeks ago I had a complete meltdown, possibly the worst I've ever had. I'll spare you details, but it came on suddenly, and my pdoc was so concerned she called me and got me in the next day, an unheard of event at the VA. She got me an appointment with a new tdoc the same week, also unheard of. She and she have seen me three times each since then, with more sessions already scheduled for the next few months. I'm just cruising on auto-pilot right now, with fluoxetine/Prozac added to the mix.


Had a sleep study last night. Pdoc and I discussed the possibility that I could also be narcoleptic, as if I need a new complication. She asked me a slew of questions then scheduled me for a sleep study. Well, something got mixed up, since I was given a sleep study for sleep apnea. Will be seeing her in 4 days, I guess we'll start over


I hope everyone has a calm and enjoyable Halloween, sorry for being so verbose. (<< Does that look anything like a jack-o-lantern on your screen?)

Hope everyone is having a better day than me.

I’m in a bit of a funk - don’t know if it’s the beginning of an episode or because of my med screw-up or just a reaction to the situational stuff going on in my life. Probably a mix of all three??

Yesterday I went out for lunch with my sisters and parents for my sister’s birthday. It was hard to go out and I was in tears after they all left but I managed to be ‘normal’ while everyone was around. I must have faked it well - even the sister that works in mental health said I was in the best frame of mind for years. Huh!??

I can’t go out for a walk as the city is shrouded in bushfire smoke. Oh well. Hopefully tomorrow is better. I might take a PRN and curl up in front of the TV.

It sucks to feel that way, out of sorts
Maybe Blog about it ? Get itout if your head??? Pie??? Ohhhhh what kind ??

I slept all day, just started a new antidepressant so maybe that's why.