Distorted self image?

BipolarWolf · Oct 26, 2019, 01:49 PM

I will be 45 in a couple days. Often I view myself much older than I am. I feel 60 something. Meds take their toll on me and I have limited want or desire for physical exercise. I get fatigued easily these days. My mind exhausts me with my version of being bipolar. It's difficult sometimes to for me to know what image is the real me.

If you were to think about your age, does it match your minds age? are you younger or even older? There are many times where I view myself as a child still also. I mean that in the sense that my cognitive abilities are that of a child.

I don't mean this as the typical "you're only as old as -blah blah blah"
I mean this purely from a bipolar or even bpd view.

How about you?

Skeezyks · Oct 26, 2019, 02:18 PM

I'm 71! It's difficult to imagine.

And, even writing it, I'm not sure I really believe it. I often have to remind myself I'm not a 20-something anymore... or even younger.

However my body does help with that. It reminds me regularly how old I really am.

03:40 PM

Hi BipolarWolf. I understand fully what you are writing about. I will say that when you start to feel better, your self image may change in a positive way. Kinda like a new lease on life.

I remember after the five worst years of my illness ended, things felt really great for a while. I was in my early 40s then, but could have sworn I was 29 in spirit and energy. I even looked in the mirror and thought I was younger again! I was hot s**t!

I had a couple rough years again, then settled into a comparatively peaceful place. I'm a few years older than you, but definitely don't feel old. I'm cognitively fine now, though had experienced some impairment in the past from episodes/meds/sedation. I feel much wiser and more sensible than ever, nowadays. That does show aging, but it's a positive thing about getting older. It's satisfying.

I may well have challenges ahead again, but I'll worry about them if/when they come. I'm trying to enjoy what I can in the present. The more I do that, the less I even think about being one age or another, having more gray hairs, being a bit chunkier, or whatever.

Keep working at becoming stable and lessening side effects. Keep helping your brain to heal. Work hard at savoring simple pleasures.

fern46 · Oct 26, 2019, 03:16 PM

I'm 38. I'm not really sure how to think about my age from a bipolar perspective other than to know I'm like an infant fumbling around at times.

In general though I tend to feel old or young depending on the nature of the activity. If I'm experiencing joy and being playful I feel young. I feel this a lot when I am with my kids. Other times when I am with them I am called upon to leverage my wisdom as a parent. This makes me feel older, but not in a bad way. There are also times when they plain wear me down and I feel old in a declining kind of way.

The same is true for my experiences with adults. There are times when I feel young and free and others when I feel seasoned and others when I feel left behind.

My body and my energy tends to flow with my mind. I am starting to feel aches and pains more regularly than when I was younger. However, in the right mindset I have all the energy I need to keep up with my young ones. Amytime I feel too old to do something I think about Jack LaLanne. That guy was ancient and still busting out chin ups like they were a walk in the park!

*Beth* · Oct 26, 2019, 05:21 PM

The entire concept of age is confusing to me. I'm 56, look younger and feel younger. Yet I have some physical challenges that I assume are age-related (knee pain & general chronic pain, for example). But if I didn't have metabolic syndrome from antipsychotics I would surely be thin like I always was before.Therefore, I wouldn't have the physical problems related to weight-gain.

I guess what I'm saying is that I look younger than I am, but meds have caused me to feel older than I am. I hate it.