[dshantel]

Been off my meds for a bit now. Maybe a little over a month. Still taking my anxiety meds every now and then. Anyways I was doing fine until recently. Almost 2 years ago my husband and I came to a compromise that I could have a girlfriend. I came out as poly and wanted to be able to explore naturally occurring feelings for others. At the time the only people I had naturally occurring feelings for were men. There were 2. I had to let then go and it was painful. Anyways since then everything has been fine. Until recently. I met someone and we have clicked really well. It's guy and I know he's like the forbidden fruit. Anyways if you remember from everything in the past my husband isn't very affectionate. He gets annoyed at me a lot for trying to be affectionate. I've been really struggling the past week feeling lonely and just not good. And I have no one to talk to. This person that I'm not even allowed to talk to has kind of been there. I met him at a cuddle party awhile ago. Today my mind has just not been in a good place. Not understanding why my husband doesn't care to attend to my needs. And I really want to see my therapist but I still have about a week until my appointment and I might have to reschedule and I'm just trying so hard not feel any of this. And it doesn't help that paranoia is creeping in.

[bizi]

Maybe a good cry would help?
I am sorry that your husband is unaffectionate.

I want to hear about your cuddle party. How did you find out about it?
Sounds exciting!
bizi

[dshantel]

Originally Posted by bizi

Maybe a good cry would help?
I am sorry that your husband is unaffectionate.

I want to hear about your cuddle party. How did you find out about it?
Sounds exciting!
bizi

I'm typically on the lookout for stuff like that on Facebook. There's a place here that throws all kinds of events for people who are more into spiritual holistic stuff and the message therapist that works there puts together a cuddle party every now and then. And because I'm such a physical person, I go. It's really fun and a great way to make new friends. You also learn a lot about consent and boundaries and being able to say no and accept no.

[*Beth*]

I'm sorry you're having a rough time right now. Being starved for attention and affection from a spouse is so very painful.

Why do you have to reschedule with your therapist? It sounds like you really need to talk about what your going through.

I have to confess that I had to read about polyamory after seeing your initial post. I guess that makes me a bit of an out of the loop middle-aged female coot.

I feel for you needing more affection from an unaffectionate spouse. Though my husband is affectionate, our sexual life together has long since disappeared due to his erectile dysfunction and unwillingness to do alternatives. Maybe if I was older it wouldn't be such an issue, but I'm 13 years his junior.

Are there valuable things you still get from your relationship with your husband? Beyond just financial and simple companionship? I do hope you can get what is missing elsewhere, if it is crucial to your happiness.

I don't have official "second relationships", but I do have a major emotional attachment to another man. It is a forbidden type, but it never crosses a line that makes it damaging to anyone. I don't think. There is no physical affection involved, but there is emotional affection, and likely on both ends. I get the latter from my husband, but extra helps make up for the deficit in other ways.

I actually do get plenty of platonic physical affection. A few men downtown hug me every time I see them. My husband knows all of this and accepts it without any feelings of being threatened.

Once my husband, in an emotional state, said I could go further in seeking sex outside of marriage. I don't really want to, though. Not that I don't miss it, but my love and connection with my hubby makes such a pursuit unappealing.

How do you really feel about your husband? I don't expect an answer.

[bpcyclist]

Interesting reading all this. I was having marriage issues many moons ago and a wise woman friend informed me that, "...if she isn't getting it from you, she's getting it somewhere else."

That friend was referring to sex, but I think it applies to anything the person considers important in the relationship--including affection. So, I don't judge you one bit for trying to fulfill a human need.

[sophiebunny]

I'm sorry. This post should have come with a trigger warning. Those of us who have been sexually abused and exploited may find this content extremely triggering. I do. If you want to post things like this, fine. Just do it with a trigger warning so those of us who can be harmed are warned.

[*Beth*]

Perhaps polyamory works for some people; it didn't work for me. I mean, I had some fascinating adventures and found out a great lot about myself and some other people, but when all was said and done...well, a lot of people ended up being badly hurt and scarred.

[dshantel]

Originally Posted by BethRags

I'm sorry you're having a rough time right now. Being starved for attention and affection from a spouse is so very painful.

Why do you have to reschedule with your therapist? It sounds like you really need to talk about what your going through.

I have to reschedule because I work that day at the time that I'm supposed to go. I'm hoping she can just see me before work.

[dshantel]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

I have to confess that I had to read about polyamory after seeing your initial post. I guess that makes me a bit of an out of the loop middle-aged female coot.


I feel for you needing more affection from an unaffectionate spouse. Though my husband is affectionate, our sexual life together has long since disappeared due to his erectile dysfunction and unwillingness to do alternatives. Maybe if I was older it wouldn't be such an issue, but I'm 13 years his junior.


Are there valuable things you still get from your relationship with your husband? Beyond just financial and simple companionship? I do hope you can get what is missing elsewhere, if it is crucial to your happiness.


I don't have official "second relationships", but I do have a major emotional attachment to another man. It is a forbidden type, but it never crosses a line that makes it damaging to anyone. I don't think. There is no physical affection involved, but there is emotional affection, and likely on both ends. I get the latter from my husband, but extra helps make up for the deficit in other ways.


I actually do get plenty of platonic physical affection. A few men downtown hug me every time I see them. My husband knows all of this and accepts it without any feelings of being threatened.


Once my husband, in an emotional state, said I could go further in seeking sex outside of marriage. I don't really want to, though. Not that I don't miss it, but my love and connection with my hubby makes such a pursuit unappealing.


How do you really feel about your husband? I don't expect an answer.

I absolutely love my husband. Things can definitely be difficult but I can't imagine being without him. There are things we do together that I greatly enjoy. I enjoy spending time with him. There's just a lack of physical affection and having feelings for someone else does not diminish what I have with him or how I feel about him.

[dshantel]

Originally Posted by sheltiemom2007

I'm sorry. This post should have come with a trigger warning. Those of us who have been sexually abused and exploited may find this content extremely triggering. I do. If you want to post things like this, fine. Just do it with a trigger warning so those of us who can be harmed are warned.

I'm sorry my post was triggering for you. I didn't realize I wrote anything that would be considered triggering.

[Fuzzybear]

I'm feeling like crying right now too. Sending hugs

[bizi]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

I'm feeling like crying right now too. Sending hugs

I am sorry you are sad.
((((((HUGS))))))
bizi