Bipolar Check-in #40

It infuriates me when I hear that people call others ugly! You are not ugly! I hate the word and feel it's use is too often used strictly in an abusive way that makes no sense.

It is my strong assumption that it is your brother who truly has significant self-esteem issues and self anger. He is surely not ugly, either, but his behavior is ill.

Unfortunately, my brother-in-law has been verbally abusive to my sister and nephews far too often during their whole time together. He used that "ugly" bit on my youngest nephew. When my nephew, in confidence, told me his father said that to him I could have died and confess that I yelled the contradiction in reaction. I tried to explain that it is my brother-in-law's being ill that brought out that word. Really, my brother-in-law likely heard something comparable from his father. That's part of the tragedy relating to the utterance of such wrong things.

I am so sorry!

My pdoc gave up and has told me to find an audible book ( a boring one) so someone can bore me into sleep.

The good news is, I am finally getting quite close to the number of hours you have been getting! (Without sleeping aids, that is.)

Did you have insomnia before you'd started on Mirapex?
I have always had some degree of sleep disturbance. I also have some degree of apnea,: so, in my case, it is not all Mirapex.

My best to you and to yours!

I am sorry I'd missed you last night. I hope you are feeling better now.

Hi Ukylu!
Welcome (back?) to the BP thread!
I see you have been a member for awhile now.

I am sorry you have been having difficulties.

So glad you've joined us!
I hope to see you around!

No I didn't have problems before the Mirapex. The issue is that I'm feeling a little better on Mirapex so I'd like to keep it if at all possible.

I feel better than I have in 2 years. It's not perfect because I feel half good and half had but it's an improvement over being badly depressed.

I'm going to find out if I can go a little higher on zopiclone.

Thanks WC. All the best to you

I am sorry your brother treats you this way! I agree with BirdDancer, it's abusive!
Sometimes, we grow up in abusive environments and we do not realize our behaviors, or the behaviors of others around us are abusive.

You might be very surprised by which behaviors are considered "abusive," I know I was!

I invite you to take a look!

CONTROL AND POWER WHEEL:
Wheels - Domestic Abuse Intervention Programs

My brothers tormented me while I was growing up, telling me I was fat and ugly. I believed them. I've looked back at pictures and I was truly neither! Yet, I grew up with a horrible complex because of what they'd constantly told me.

I encourage you to take a look at the link. I have found it very helpful to realize that the behaviors (of others toward me) that upset me, are quite often truly abusive. The "wheels" in the link have validated my experiences for years now.

I hope you can find a way to maybe show your brother that his behavior is abusive?

I hope you can find a way to stay away from him until he promises to stop abusing you!

I finally built my printer table, so that's good. I put my printer on it and put supplies on its shelves (e.g., rolls of tape, pens, extra paper, etc.). I also ordered a 3 shelf bookcase off Amazon that was kinda expensive, but it looks nice and has 343 reviews with a 4.7 out of 5 star rating, so I figured it'd be good. I'm gonna build it when it (hopefully) comes on Monday and start organizing further -- although I'm not 100% convinced it'll be a Monday delivery, as Amazon has been having crappy delays.

I would continue organizing, but right now, I don't quite have the space to make everything as organized as I like. I mean, I can stack things on shelves neatly and put things in drawers neatly, but I want to space things out. I don't want everything crammed together. I like stuff to "breathe," or so to speak.

Anyways, mood is pretty good. I think I'm finally done recovering from a short bout of depression, preceded by a short bout of hypomania. A med increase helped with the depression fairly quickly.

My parents want to come over in 3 weeks. They know my apartment is a mess, and they want me to set a goal of getting it cleaned within 3 weeks. Realistically, though, I only have 2 weeks to do so, as I'm going on a short trip before Christmas.

Blue, am happy you built your printer table. I know you will be glad when your other furniture comes in next week.
Good luck organizing! and have a good day.
bizi

Well, I guess so far, it's been a pretty good weekend for me. Other than Friday night for a bit, my voices have been pretty quiet, Paranoia under decent control. No viz. hallucinations in awhile. Just better, which I am so grateful for. I really needed a break from the terror. Not going to discuss sleep, because my mother told me if I didn't have something nice to say, I shouldn't say anything at all.

Weather here remains just weird. It is normally raining without a break this time of year down here and snowing like mad in the mountains an hour away. But the forecast today is for 0% chance of rain and same for tomorrow. It's so strange. Not complaining, though, if this continues, we will once again be dealing with totally out of control forest fires come May. It simply must rain. A lot.

Going to try to get out and take a few pictures this afternoon. I have developed an interest in photography recently, even though I know nothing and have zero talent. But it's fun for me, so I will see what I can find to take some pictures of later on. I like to find funny street signs and other signs and photograph them. Some of them are ridiculous and funny (like the Slug Crossing one).

Sending support and safe hugs to those struggling. Have a nice day, everyone!

I wonder if there's a way to get insurance to cover fish oil? I guess it would have to be prescription strength fish oil at that point and prescribed? Yeah so expensive, but I least I found it buy one get one at CVS so now I have to commit because I have two large bottles. Got the gummies because I am terrible at swallowing large pills and that is another reason I don't follow through with it. I'm like ugh I don't feel like half choking on a pill right now so I just won't take it haha.

And yeah oh my gosh they were the cutest!! I want a puppy now (not going to get one though lol).

Just got back from visiting with M. Getting out of the house and out of town plus seeing her has given me a new lease in life. I was spiraling down again. I feel positive and motivated now. Just what the doctor ordered. We need to do that more often.

I’m going to ask to see my therapist weekly until the crying fits are gone and the sleep improves.

I fell getting in the shower this morning, lol, and have a hematoma the size of my fist. It hurts like the dickens to walk on.

I hope everyone has a peaceful Sunday.

I am doing well. I woke up and feel fine. It is a gloomy day here though. I hope the weather brightens up but realize we need rain.

I seem to be settling into an every other night sleep routine. Last night was my not sleeping night. So today my eyes are itching like crazy. My cat knows when I'm not sleeping, he joins me in bed staring at me till I look at him. I think he wants to know why I'm laying in the dark if I'm not sleeping. Arrogant cat! Right now he's laying on my legs fast asleep!

I am grateful you have been able to get out to see M.
I am sorry you have fallen and have gotten hurt
I have had some close calls lately. Yikes!

I hope you can get some time to rest; you have had many demands on you lately.

The every other night routine seems to be mine as well right now.

Cats can be such great companions.
I tend to be a "dog person," yet my sister has several cats and tells some truly amazing stories. I might have a cat in the future. Never say never.

I forget... did you return to Ambien?

My primary care doc had ordered a med called: Belsomra for me. It came into the pharmacy and they'd called me to tell me it costs $184.00/month!
No can do!

My pdoc was upset that he had ordered it. She says the higher dose of Belsomra is what is usually needed in order ot sleep and it leaves people very sedated during the day.

Oh well! I have a friend who uses a phone APP called "calm." She has someone read her Jack and the Beanstalk every night and she never makes it to the end of the story.

I need to look for an audible book to see if this might help me to sleep.

I hope you are having a good day!

Good job!
It's a start and I find a start fuels further progression toward goals!
I have been throwing stuff out! It feels great to lighten the load.!

My living space use to be so Zen. I am making it Zen again!

We are lucky to have some space to ourselves, with the freedom to do as we wish! Might as well go all out and make it into a healing space!

Love YA!

It's tough to afford the supplements which can sometimes be helpful.

I can get my fish oil covered if I use an HSA account ot pay for it.
Yes, the prescription strength is very expensive.

I have had good luck getting high quality fish oil from both Vitamin Shoppe and Vitacost. I am not sure as to how their prices compare to CVS. I know I find my local CVS almost always the most expensive store in the area..

Vitamin Shoppe offers fish oil under their name and it is very pure. It is much less expensive than name brands. Even so, I do realize it is impossible for many to fit any supplements into their budgets, which saddens me.

Love to All!

I think I'm mixed. Lots of anxiety but also euphoria.

Not sleeping and disrupting my plans make for an irritating mood. Just leave me alone it's Sunday! I had to go get mum meds and the pharmacy she uses is rediculous. One person is yapping away and the rest of the staff are walking around doing nothing. Finally a staff called up somebody waiting and then started serving those in line. Finally got mum's prescription and went to get the meatballs and the shrimp. Paid for it and was on my way out and that same lady was still yapping away and another long line was forming cause they weren't serving the second line. I'm in a really bad mood.

Kind of wondering if I'm getting a little depressed. Have been emotional the past few days and wanting to curl into a ball and just lay under the covers and sleep forever.. Not really sure why. But I'm coping by playing games and reading, just kind of escaping