In hospital - would love support

Do you think you need a higher level of care? At times I've needed to be in the more acute ward.

The thought of being locked up terrifies me. It would add to my trauma. Still, it may get to that if things don’t improve. I am being reviewed later today. This hospital has no locked ward. I would be sent to the state hospital which is an awful place. Thanks though.

do what ever you need to do to be safe.
(((((HUGS)))))
Glad your nurse knows you.
bizi

Saw my pdoc. As Clonazepam and Seroquel only work for a short period of time then my anxiety is worse than before he has put me on Haloperidol, and increased the Seroquel. Still freaking out, just in a calmer way.

Had to cancel my T appointment for tomorrow as my pdoc believes I’m not safe to be outside the hospital. He is right. Things are still getting worse. I need it to turn around soon.

It sounds like your pdoc is in your corner.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

Hey, Wander, so very sorry you are struggling like this. Here is to hoping they soon come up with a med combo that really works for you.

I got really sick about ten years ago and they sent me to our state hospital. I was there for a very long time. I was quite scared at first, but as it turned out, the care I received there was quite good, I think. Not sure what state you are in, but just wanted to briefly say that, while they seem to get a very bad rap, not all state hospitals are a nightmare. Some are actually pretty good.

Hope today is a better day for you!!

Wander, I want you to know that I'm praying for you right now. I understand how scared you are. Please know that you are COURAGEOUS and STRONG. I know this because it takes tremendous strength and bravery to make arrangements to go inpatient. You DID this, and by doing so you saved a life. Your life. You are very inspiring! Please keep fighting. I know it's so very difficult, but it won't always feel this way. The darkness will finally lift and you will see the light again. Please remember that.

I'm sorry to hear you're struggling so much, Wander. I hope this hospitalization helps you out as much as possible, and you made the right choice by going.

Thanks. I’m in Australia. I have private insurance so am able to go to this private hospital. The state hospital that has a locked ward is notorious for bad experiences, or worse. Although, I have met a few people who found it helpful. I just wish someone would build a private hospital with a locked ward. I guess that might still be a difficult place to be. So far I’m safe with the nurses checking on me every thirty minutes, and are easily accessible to reach out to in between if necessary.

On another note. I had heaps of PRN Seroquel 50 mg a time, Clonazepam 3 mg, and Haloperidol 5 mg. I should be unconscious. I feel wired, but I’m going to try and sleep now as it’s midnight.

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I haven’t read any responses or updates but I just want to say I’m so happy you are safe in the hospital! That’s right where you need to be. You can try to challenge thoughts that you know were lies in the past. If you do that, hopefully you can become well sooner. I wish you a speedy recovery! All my love!

Good morning Wander. I am sending well wishes and positive thoughts that today will be a better day. How'd you sleep?

When I have been a disaster I get put on heavy meds to literally knock me out but despite them it often takes 3-4 days before I finally crash and sleep for 12-14 hours then we would begin to actually start working on finding a combo of meds that help balance me out.

I’m glad your in a safe place with professionals to help you

Thanks Fern. Last night I slept three hours then was awake for hours then had a half hour nap before waking up at 6 am. This was with Seroquel and Haloperidol before bed. Maybe I will be able to have a short nap this afternoon. So far today is better than this time yesterday. I still feel awful but maybe today will be a better day. Only 9.30 am here.

I'm glad to hear today is going a bit better than yesterday. I think a nap in a few hours sounds like a great goal. I hope it works out and if not, I hope the day is as restful as possible for you.

Thanks Christina. It has been 2.5 days in here. The meds offered no help yesterday. I was way to terrified and wound up. Today I’m a little calmer so far, but I feel the terror creeping back. Haloperidol was introduced last night. It seems to be helping. I can only take it for a few days though as it makes my vision blurry after a few days on it. I’m still not sleeping well. Hopefully I will crash tonight. As you’ve experienced I think I need days of meds, and coping skills, to bring my anxiety and panic down. Then hopefully it will stay calm and I can go home.

Day three of hospital. Yesterday was awful. I nearly ran away I was so scared (no trigger, just the PTSD). Instead my pdoc drugged me heavily. This morning I had 5 mg of haloperidol and it has helped. Unfortunately, it’s wearing off and I can’t take it again till tonight. I can take Seroquel though, but am scared of the weight gain. I know, vain me choosing to risk my life over a few pounds/kg.

We are in the middle of a heat wave. I have no air-con at home so being IP with air-con is a plus. On the downside no swims in the ocean. I asked my parents not to visit me for a few days as my pdoc recommended as they are big triggers. They are also beautiful people so I feel bad keeping them away. My Dad didn’t care but my Mum was a bit put out. She lives to help others. She didn’t get angry though and accepted it.

Hmmm ... now my anxiety is shooting up. The drugs have worn off I think. Thanks for reading my rant. I’m trying to participate in other threads but still struggle with what to say much of the time. Now I need to find ways of passing the time in here. Know I care about all of you and sincerity hope things improve for those suffering so much.

Any thoughts on how you can pass the time? Is there anything available like coloring or art if you enjoy that kind of thing? Anything structured like groups there? I hope your anxiety gets better. I am sorry you were feeling so scared.

Personally I do not want visitors while I’m IP. I am there because it’s not safe for me to be home. It’s total “ me time” since we don’t get a cell signal at home one of the techs usually let me use there cell to text my husband letting him know I’m ok.

Try not to “ actively think about “ getting out” I have been IP from 3 days to 17 days. The first few times I kept thinking oh I’ll be out in 3-4 days which I’d push for but in reality I wasnt ready and I left and was right back in a mess with in days and right back to being unsafe.

So now if I go I leave it up to them to decide when I’m okay to leave.

I never got blurry vision from Haldol but I do from Thorazine. Proves how meds all effect is differently.

Hopefully tonight you will finally get some very deep sleep

To pass time I am reading books when able, surfing the net, especially for funny videos, and looking into what units I may sign up for university next year. I couldn't study now but I am hoping to be better by the time uni starts late February. There are relaxation and yoga classes. I can't do some of the yoga moves due to my hip. The are also CBT classes but I have been to them many, many times. I am also much more anxious around groups. My pdoc suggested doing relaxation classes so I might find out when it is on as it is only one a week I think. Oh, and I hate colouring in lol. Thanks for your response.

Thanks Christina. I do have a tendency to get cabin fever, and convince my pdoc I’m safe to go home when I’m not. I’ve been IP way too many times so I hate being here, and want to be home. The longest I’ve been IP was two months. Even my pdoc’s (not including current one) has no idea how to help. I was also homeless and living on couches with my then hubby. I think over the last 10 years I have spent a total round one year IP. This is not my happy place. It is my safe place. Well, when I’m not paranoid.

I see your replies in a couple of threads. They are.very supportive and insightful. Just continue to speak your truth. If it doesn't resonate with the original poster it might help someone else. You're doing a great job. Thank you for your contributions!

I'm glad you are getting a little break from your parents. If they truly understood how their presence affects you I don't think they would hesitate to stay away.

Much love to you today. Your strength is inspiring.

I pass the time by reading (if able), researching subjects that interest me, positive self talk and self soothing, listening to music, and meditation. They have CBT structured groups, but I’ve been to them dozens of times in the last ten years. I didn’t even find it helpful then. What I plan to go to is relaxation and yoga classes. I’m not a crafty person, but I am creative. If they will let me I may bring my guitar in. I also take photos of stuff and edit them. To be honest though the last few days I barely been able to get out of bed due to anxiety. I also chat to the nurses when needed.

Oh wander! I'm so glad you made the decision to go ip. You are loved and wanted! I hope that you can find some hope. I'm rooting for you. lots of love! Xxx