I feel like I get on the wrong side of people

My anxiety and mood have been particularly bad lately . some of the causes I can’t do much about Believe me, I’ve tried

I sometimes feel like I get on the wrong side of people, in particular people who I feel are using a group of people for their own self aggrandisation (sp)

There has been something of a “trail of destruction” in my wake due to this

Often I just passively take the beating these people dish out

Other times I feel so hurt and angry by what feels like cruel manipulation and often exclusion that I react. And then inevitably, I am judged as “a bad person” and/or discarded.

I also have a hard time knowing how best to deal with people who show a lack of empathy but show a lot of empathy and thought towards others

I suppose this hurts so much because of my “disturbed childhood”

Any kind thoughts and insights are much appreciated.

I feel like I’m running out of reasons to stay on this planet
I feel like much more cruelty or scary things might blow me away (it’s as if this whole world screams too loudly for me

Maybe I’m “just too weak for this world” as humans are after all about survival, and as all my abusers have pointed out, I’m not the most “useful” individual in the world

respect to all, thanks for reading and please be kind