[yellow_fleurs]

I thought it might be a good topic to discuss: our struggles and successes with self compassion, or our plans to be more self compassionate. How do you practice self compassion?

[downandlonely]

I try to treat myself like a friend. I don't insult my friends and make them feel bad, so I shouldn't do that to myself either.

[yellow_fleurs]

That's a great way to think about it. I am very kind to my friends, but often mean to myself. I am getting better, though. My therapist has displayed compassion to me, which helps I think.

[downandlonely]

Glad you have a good therapist to help you practice compassion

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by downandlonely

I try to treat myself like a friend. I don't insult my friends and make them feel bad, so I shouldn't do that to myself either.

I like that!

Funny, I was just sitting and looking out the window, thinking about how hard I am on myself, planning to speak with my therapist about it tomorrow. For example, if I don't get certain chores done on a given day I mentally beat myself up. But why? I have raised my kiddos, my husband lives in his own home. It's just me and the cats. Stuff will get done! So what if I take 1 day...or 2 and just do things I enjoy?

I need to drop the guilt.

[USMCBIPOLAR7]

I used to beat myself up when I couldn’t function well and now that I focus on health as my # 1 concern I feel I treat myself better and focus more on progress and less on perfection.

[fern46]

I tend to view things through a value based lens
I often ask myself 'what is the value for myself and others in doing this activity?' Sometimes there is value in spending some time reminding myself that I've made a mistake. Sometimes there is value in processing the anger I feel toward myself. Sometimes there is value in letting myself experience shame. These activities usually serve as emotional reminders to avoid repeating the actions that led me to that place.

However, staying in that state usually creates a negative value situation. It leaves me feeling worse than I started. I usually recognize that and then shift focus to something else like planning next steps to create better outcomes in the future or set right whatever it is that I did wrong. My time is typically better spent in a future focused state.

I think the trick is to recognize when self compassion would have a higher value than self loathing. We can do the work to try to recognize when we are processing thoughts of either state and then actively shift into a thought pattern that better serves our needs. There are times when too much self compassion can keep us from making important changes we need to make in our lives.

As with all things, balance is key. Knowing where you are and what kind of thoughts and feelings you need to apply to shift to where you want to go is key. If you are a fan of physics, this application of various thoughts and feelings to create motion might resonate with you. We are discussing 'e motions', are we not?

[Merlin]

I’m trying to focus on what I can learn from my mistakes and then forgiving myself. I think both steps are important. I’m also spoiling myself a little to help me get out of the everyday depression that results when things go wrong.

[Fuzzybear]

I too try to concentrate on what I can learn from my mistakes. I don't beat up, bully or insult others, so I deserve the same kindness.