Bipolar check-in #42

Here's the new check in

I posted the link on the last one and will request the mod closes it. Thanks for starting the new one

I got my disability review papers in the mail today.

I filled it out but I'm incredibly anxious about it.

What if I misread a question? What if I accidentally lied? Etc etc

I know how you feel. I was like that when I applied for disability. I had my mom help me. I'd say just take a breather and trust yourself. Maybe, you could also ask someone you know to help you with a certain question that you're unsure of?

I hope all goes well.

I was reviewed last year , it was a simple form but I also was worried I screwed up so I had my husband read it, so I made a copy and mailed it out. I got a response about 6-8 weeks later saying no more info was needed and my benefits will continue.

Try not to overstress, yeah I know how hard that is dealing with ssa

Thanks!!!

Well all the storms are gone. We had some very hard rain and thunderstorms for a long time... came in waves ,lots of really nasty winds.

The bottom of our long driveway looks like a lake, I feel we will be stuck for a few days. It’s all country roads people just don’t have concrete or asphalt drives, it’s usually churt and gravel.

My dog always gets very scared during storms like this, he have a snug fitting coat , I put that on him it fitting like the Thunder jackets they sell for dogs and it helped but I let him sneak up on the bed next to me until the worse passed , my husband luckily sleeps so deep he didn’t have a clue.

We love and spoil our dogs but we do not let them up on our bed. They have 6 big comfy doggie beds all around the house they can pick from. Plus they each weigh over 60 lbs. they would take over the bed lol

Anyone have any fun plans this weekend?

BirdDancer , how are you holding up ?? Were you able to sleep better last night with out that scary stuff again?!!

Hi Christina. You're so sweet how you so often follow up on us here.

I'm in one of those states of mind where a "How are you?" from many people would bring a response of "I'm OK", but really I am still in a downswing.

I had an awful night sleep last night. One nightmare after another. I've been struggling with guilt, lately. I've been wanting my husband and myself to runaway together.

Really sorry you are dealing with all this, BirdDancer. Nightmares for me just rob sleep of all its healing qualities. I hope your day turns around today. Maybe you could try to do something fun? I don't know you that well, so I am not sure what that might be. Plan and cook something fun?

Sending you calm and a quiet mind today...

You defiantly not “ yourself” overall is your sleep being disturbed all mostly nightly or each night at the point?

I know your last Pdoc visit he decided to leave your meds alone which I think is good at times, but maybe now it is time for a increase or a decrease I know that’s helped you in the past.

I do think it’s time to be very proactive about your current state of mind.

Has there been a uptick in you having to be more involved in your Dads care ? Or calling or seeing him ? Or just the thought knocks you sideways.

Running away is a very common reaction when we are just not feeling right. We either want to hide in bed or get out of town.

When do you see your Pdoc? If it’s not in the next couple days I’d certainly call and get in sooner, probably just seeing him will soothe you a bit. Next appt with T ??

I personally would get in with both this week. Get this straightened out much sooner rather than later when you could possibly get worse.

Do you feel safe about your husband going back to work tomorrow? How will being alone effect you ?

I’m worried for you and just want to see you back stable and enjoying your daily life again.

I’m always around for you

Christina

I'll be OK by myself tomorrow, I think. Luckily, I see my therapist every Tuesday, so that wait won't be long. As for my psychiatrist, that appointment isn't for a little over 2 weeks. I'll see how things go. Very often, my mood is worse during the work week (with hubby at work) than on the weekends. If it becomes concerning, I will call pdoc before my next appointment. He knew I was a bit depressed the last time, but I was also very agitated and irritable. I think he assumed mixed features, which was likely right. The questions always are: Lower the Seroquel XR (to elevate mood a bit) or increase it (to lessen agitation and maybe increase mood)?

My nightmares have been the last few days. Prior to that, they were a while ago. I hope tonight is a good sleep.

I have not seen my dad since Christmas day. I attempted to call him about four days ago and he brushed me off telling me he couldn't hear me, and goodbye. Truth is likely that he didn't want to talk at the time. He is more eager to talk to cronies and strangers than his own immediate family. When I've visited him, he barely pays attention to me. That's not uncommon for him. He's always been a self-absorbed type of person who gives little. Maybe some money, but nothing more significant. I told my psychiatrist that I love my dad, but don't like him much. That's where guilt comes in, but I can't change a 78 year old man. My siblings feel the exact same way as me. Our mother was very different than our father.

Relationships require reciprocity. I have that with my husband.

It’s really good you have such insight into your current feelings but can look back and see other times when you have felt off.

I’m sorry things are so difficult with your Dad by I’m glad you can see the whole picture, it’s not You !

No fun plans this weekend. I was supposed to go to a retreat at Church this weekend but we've got kind of bad weather and I don't drive in freezing rain or snow if I can help it. My book club is starting up again this upcoming week so I'm looking forward to that.

Sad. I saw a pic of the kid down the street who was shot & killed Thursday evening. He looked like a sweet guy, 20 years old.


Besides that I'm agonizingly lonely. My husband says he will finally speak with our daughter about her lack of communication with me. I absolutely don't understand her behavior and I truly feel like I'm on the edge of losing my sanity over it.

I spent time at the library looking up cars. Nissans mostly and found some likely one to check out. I'm looking mostly at nissans and Kia's as consumers magazine says they're reliable cars and affordable. Don't want to do Honda as it's the most stolen car. I really want a red car but there's other things more important than the color. The Best Buy and silver, ugh. Silver and white are hard to see in Minnesota.

I have a Nissan Altima and hands down the best car I have ever owned new or used. Good gas mileage, Comfortable for long drives, bigger truck than it looks and we need that with our trips. My husband keeps it maintained it’s 180,000 miles right now and still drives like new.. I plan to drive this until the wheels literally fall off and then I will get another Nissan.

Very good cars

Skiing and partying this weekend! Hell yeah! So excited! I've been dying to go skiing for the past month but I was looking for cheap tickets and tomorrow night $20 instead of like $80

Saw my pdoc today too, we're dropping the antidepressant with permission to go back on it if I get depressed. She also approved of me taking Ativan PRN instead of scheduled. It was a good appointment.

Sounds like a fine time indeed! I hope you have a wonderful time.

I’ve been completely exhausted all week. Not sure why as I’ve been getting adequate sleep. Work was rough a couple of days because my student was acting up terribly. He will be leaving at the end of next week and I will be getting the other student in the classroom. He is autistic and perseverates on the negative. He has screaming tantrums too. But I think I will be able to deal with him because he doesn’t scream at people, just screams in general.

It was so nice out today. Sixty eight and sunny. For NJ, that’s unusual in January. We went to the park for about an hour and a half. It was nice being outside.

Tomorrow my son has a birthday party to go to. It’s supposed to be warm again but rainy. So I guess I’ll just sit in the mall (the party is at a virtual gaming place in the mall) with some Starbucks for an hour and a half.

Hopefully I’ll have some more energy next week!