Bipolar check-in #42

Really sorry you are dealing with all this, BirdDancer. Nightmares for me just rob sleep of all its healing qualities. I hope your day turns around today. Maybe you could try to do something fun? I don't know you that well, so I am not sure what that might be. Plan and cook something fun?

Sending you calm and a quiet mind today...

Well, not manic, psychotic, or suicidal this afternoon, so for me, doing quite well. Got a sweet note from one of our newspaper's columnists, who is absolutely hilarious. She wrote a piece about why Meghan and Harry should move to Eastern Oregon and run a cattle ranch. Too funny. I just sent her a short email thanking her for making me laugh, which is very, very hard to do--maybe lithium, maybe just my illness, I dunno. Anyway, I just don't laugh anymore.

But I lauaghed out loud at what Lizzy wrote. Repeatedly. And I told her so. She told me what I sent her was one of the nicest emails she has ever gotten.

Okay so I woke up feeling pretty dreadful. In addition to the hormone stuff I always complain about (sorry!) I had the flu shot yesterday (a little late in the game, I know) and it left me feeling extra tired and achy, although getting the flu would make me feel a lot worse of course. I made myself meet up with a friend and we ate lunch at her place and painted. After lunch I took some ibuprofen and honestly it helped a lot, between that and hanging out with a friend I feel pretty much fine now. So, I question if either inflammation was making me feel physically and mentally unwell or if maybe just the fact that I was feeling unwell made me feel depressed. It is also quite sunny today which probably further helped my mood. I do have another outside project I have to work on and I am not sure I can handle it within the time frame I have, so we shall see how that goes. Trying not to stress out too much over it.

I hope everyone had a nice weekend. I'll be going back to check in on everyone's posts shortly.

Running the dishwasher. N2 says she'll have a housewarming once the place looks good. Lol im sure its crazy right after she moved everything. Gotta do a small grocery trip soon. We are out of garbage bags and milk and almost out of dishwasher powder.

I'm so glad youre doing better! Good luck on your project.

Around, I guess.

Just checking in. Not much to report. Still doing well, though I do have some trouble getting out of bed in the mornings. Ex-bf has been visiting once a week. It's.... for lack of a better way to put it... complicated. I have mixed feelings, though it is fun hanging out. The pedestal is a fun place to be, but alas, I know it's not the whole picture. Sigh.

Work is going well. I love my job (not at every moment of course, lol).

You defiantly not “ yourself” overall is your sleep being disturbed all mostly nightly or each night at the point?

I know your last Pdoc visit he decided to leave your meds alone which I think is good at times, but maybe now it is time for a increase or a decrease I know that’s helped you in the past.

I do think it’s time to be very proactive about your current state of mind.

Has there been a uptick in you having to be more involved in your Dads care ? Or calling or seeing him ? Or just the thought knocks you sideways.

Running away is a very common reaction when we are just not feeling right. We either want to hide in bed or get out of town.

When do you see your Pdoc? If it’s not in the next couple days I’d certainly call and get in sooner, probably just seeing him will soothe you a bit. Next appt with T ??

I personally would get in with both this week. Get this straightened out much sooner rather than later when you could possibly get worse.

Do you feel safe about your husband going back to work tomorrow? How will being alone effect you ?

I’m worried for you and just want to see you back stable and enjoying your daily life again.

I’m always around for you

I hate this for you maybe you two just need a bit of space and some time and things will settle and your relationship can be healthy again

YAY for sleep !!!

Glad you got help with a budget I think we all need one regardless of our income low or high.

New boots for you and from N2 ?? That’s a good sign for sure

I’m so glad that you had a kinda surprise going out !

Hopefully there will be no problem getting that paper in a bit late.

I’m sure you will make it to church next week

Hopefully your remote start will be installed quicker than expected.

I have managed in the past and needed to interview seems like hundreds of people. A bit of padding here and tell I had no trouble with but sometimes people just don’t know when to quit and just be eager to learn.

I hate you have this job to do :sadhug;

I also felt a bit achey a few years ago after my flu shot but I’d rather have that than full blown flu, it’s killed so many already this season.

I’m glad your day perked up. I had gray damp day here , I think the sun is due back tomorrow!

Ahh lovely a housewarming party sounds great.. maybe you could write out some of your family favorite recipes as a gift ? Would be something inexpensive yet personal ??

I must also get out tomorrow to get meds and a few other non food items. But the bottom of my driveway still looks like a damn lake! I have a Pdoc appt tomorrow so I’m probably going to just have to floor it and zoom through it and hope for the best lol oh the joys of winter!!!!!

So happy your doing well. I’m sure things are complicated with him, but you know what you will and will not accept in your life any longer. I’m
especially glad your job is still going well

Thanks.

The good thing is that my boss said it's okay if I don't like anybody. lol.

I guess I am just fed up with people blatantly lying. I know that people get nervous and screw up, so I give them some leeway, but they just don't know anything, except for ONE guy.

Also, some idiot manager at my work said to me, "if you don't want to hire them, send them to me." I told him why he wouldn't want them, but he insists that people "need a chance to learn." Uh, no. If you hire someone who lied on their resume, you are rewarding the lying! And who knows what else they lied about! I do not want to get in trouble for forwarding a liar's resume to a manager.

Christina

I'll be OK by myself tomorrow, I think. Luckily, I see my therapist every Tuesday, so that wait won't be long. As for my psychiatrist, that appointment isn't for a little over 2 weeks. I'll see how things go. Very often, my mood is worse during the work week (with hubby at work) than on the weekends. If it becomes concerning, I will call pdoc before my next appointment. He knew I was a bit depressed the last time, but I was also very agitated and irritable. I think he assumed mixed features, which was likely right. The questions always are: Lower the Seroquel XR (to elevate mood a bit) or increase it (to lessen agitation and maybe increase mood)?

My nightmares have been the last few days. Prior to that, they were a while ago. I hope tonight is a good sleep.

I have not seen my dad since Christmas day. I attempted to call him about four days ago and he brushed me off telling me he couldn't hear me, and goodbye. Truth is likely that he didn't want to talk at the time. He is more eager to talk to cronies and strangers than his own immediate family. When I've visited him, he barely pays attention to me. That's not uncommon for him. He's always been a self-absorbed type of person who gives little. Maybe some money, but nothing more significant. I told my psychiatrist that I love my dad, but don't like him much. That's where guilt comes in, but I can't change a 78 year old man. My siblings feel the exact same way as me. Our mother was very different than our father.

Relationships require reciprocity. I have that with my husband.

And BAM! Panic attack. Haven't had one in quite some time. Forgot just how awful they are! Was closing at work and couldn't remember how to fix a small discrepancy. And there I went -- off to the races! What a dumb thing. Not like it's that big of a deal! Yet here I am, half an hour later with my heart still in my throat and trying to breathe.

Breathe, dammit!

They were hers but she rarely wore them. Good thing they ran small.

Well maybe your manager will hire a fool and learn the hard way ? You can sit back and snicker ? lol

It’s really good you have such insight into your current feelings but can look back and see other times when you have felt off.

I’m sorry things are so difficult with your Dad by I’m glad you can see the whole picture, it’s not You !

Oh how awful. I swear panic attack just pounce on us out of no where.

I hope it will soon fade totally away

Well today is the 2 year mark of us moving back home from that disaster of living in Florida for 8 months.

Of course so many negative things happened there. I’m not really giving that stuff more than a quick glance mentally

I’m focusing more on getting back home and unpacking and it all went right back into place. Such a whole feeling.

I remember how our dogs were just unhappy in Florida. Seeing them jumping out of the truck and running around. Running full blast across our acreage barking like fools. Flying up the steps sliding into the washer and literally long jumping into there beds, panting and eyes glowing

I think it was 23 degrees in the house, but I felt finally able to breath, my body finally felt able to relax.

I’m glad we did go back for 8 months tho or my husband would have always wondered “what if”

My husband and I both grew up in Florida and it’s will always be “ a home “ but this?

This is “our home”

Is everyone welcome to post here?
I’ve been feeling really terrible. Can’t stop the intrusive and racing thoughts. Depressed and restless. Took seroquel, but the thoughts continue. SI and SH thoughts. Im in no imminent danger. I can’t keep my mind on what I’m doing. My wife’s understanding only extends so far. After so many years, I still don’t think she understands the depth and reality of what I live with. Or maybe she just gets burned out.

I don’t really have anyone I can talk to in a completely transparent way. I’ve been thinking about finding a therapist for that. Who knows. Upped lithium, but that will take days to build up in my system. Took way too many Xanax last week and I’m running low. Been trying to go easy on them, but they’re the only thing that help quickly.

I’m sick and I know it. I wish I got a little more understanding at home. Apologies for the long post.