how

how does one , " become happy " , ? . . .

Hi wiretwister. I can't be sure what will make you happy, but I do have some suggestions that help keep me happy, or make me happy again after struggles.

* Put the past pain in the past and shut the door. If you need to process it in order to do that, process it and then kick it out of your life.

* Don't torture yourself about "could haves", "should haves", "would haves". That's a waste of time. Concentrate instead on what you can enjoy today (in the moment) and what you can enjoy tomorrow.

* Savor the simple things in life and don't get too hung up on achieving really huge stuff. Even if we have no friends or no family, we still have many beautiful things around us to appreciate and savor (nature, music, the lovely things that we can enjoy using our senses, something we can contribute to in even a small way).

* Seek out humor as often as possible, laugh at yourself as often as possible, smile at people and many will smile back.

* Be curious about interesting things. Read about them. Explore them.

* Reach out to others. Do something nice for others, however small.

* Dance in whatever way you moves you. Dance is not just moving the body, though it can be. Dance is whatever we do to be creative and express ourselves.

* Be determined to let crap go in one ear and out the other, or bounce off you as if you are wearing a Teflon suit. Care, but only about stuff that is for the good of all and yourself.

* Do what you've got to do to be well. Hope is a true thing because it always exists if you keep believing in it.

We all have the power to make a difference in this world. For ourselves and for others or what we believe in. Again, even the smallest things are worth gold.

Sometimes when I feel ill, trapped, or in other ways quite distressed, I search for words and phrases that I can get some level of pleasure or relief from uttering. My recent invention has been the made up word “Shkuhbuh!” It’s difficult to explain exactly why I say it, or how I came up with it, but I’ve uttered it a lot lately and always with great passion. It’s my new grunt of relief or discharge of frustration or exertion. The word has even recently turned into a phrase, of sorts. Now it’s sometimes “Huh Shkuhbuh, Hah hah HAH!”

I used to do a similar thing as above with more of a gibberish. I’d wave my arms in the air and do a little dance and exclaim “Hu bee dubby rarer ack ack doopity doo doo frrrr frrr POP! Huh huh huh huh ARGGGGHHHHH!” or something along those lines. I remember my pet parrot often witnessing that display and seeing his eyes pin with great excitement. Truth is, it was pretty exciting! It got our hearts beating fast. I often felt a touch of elation, and am sure he did, too. Yea, I could have kicked something or punched a pillow, but somehow this, deep from the gut major-league exclamation, did me even more good and mostly left me laughing, or at least smiling for a bit.

It is a well-known fact that when we are in great distress, with stress levels rising to near explosion, that perhaps instead of an anger tirade or feelings of fist in the gut frustration, we just let it all go with more of a odd ball jubilation.

You can sometimes cry…which can be good. You can sometimes scream…which has it’s time and place. But other times, we need to see things as if they are absolutely absurd.
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Throughout my life, I have often been blamed for many misdeeds. I guess having been the youngest child in my family, that is understandable. Truth is, sometimes I was and am a naughty gal. Hubby has often drawn my attention to that fact, more times than I could ever count. But once when hubby blamed me for something one more time than I could handle, I told him the following story:

“When I was a child, my siblings passed blame on me for almost EVERYTHING. Again, often times I was the culprit. Then one particular day, my mother came to me with an angry look and said “Did you do ‘such and such?!?!'”

To that I sighed, exasperated by the hundreds of accusations, and said “Mom…Ya know, if I did even HALF the number of things I’ve been accused of over the years, I must really be quite AMAAAAAAZING!” I think I was only 8 at that time.

I guess that exclamation rang true enough, and my mom began to laugh. And I began to laugh.

Well, sometimes it is all just so amazing! The heaven, the hell, the pain, and all the moments in between. Isn’t it also kind of strange how when we laugh our very hardest, we tend to cry the hardest, too?

All of the above is not just when I do or don't do something naughty. Sometimes it's when I look at life, the things I've been through, stuff I've lost, crap I've been through. Damn! Sometimes it's so extremely bad...that it's AMAZING! And to that, I can cry, I can roll up in a ball and die, or....I can laugh.

I tossed “ happy “ out of my vocabulary. I kept expecting to feel so happy but ... life was so complicated and overwhelming and it just didn’t fit.

For me now it’s about being “content”

I’m content I have a husband who loves me even when I’m having a Horrible day physically, mentally or I’m just be a freaking jerk and having a tantrum

I’m content because I have a great GP,Pdoc and T.

I’m content because I have food and a roof over my head.

I’m content that I worked so hard in T to get through such evil things that I have suffered with since 5 years old.

My daughter on a Christmas trip to Florida 6 years ago had bought me a ticket to Universal studios. We are Harry Potter nerds , yes I have a wand now. Those hours running around that park , drinking Butter Beer and buying overpriced things like a chocolate frog, which is in a drawer with my personal Wand. That was a day of amazement beyond even happiness . I honestly felt zero pain..

The next 4 days I paid for it, barely about to get from hotel bed to bathroom

That day was pure “adrenaline happiness” Of course it’s impossible to feel that, daily

So I think what trips up a lot of people that have Bipolar is our Hypo/manic make life so colorful, it’s like colors sing to us , we are feeling Amazing , we often jump head first into a hobby whether it’s start writing a book or we are going to be a famous painter, we can drive fast because our brains are going so fast ... adrenaline is a true naturally induced drug.

How can be compare a normal average day of go to work , raise kids, chores , eat meals and mowing our yards. Those are so ....b o r i n g.. compared to hypo.

We naturally produces hypo , its a pure high. Of course we want more , but for most hypo goes manic which goes straight into hell and often crushing depression.

So I prefer to live life feeling content

Can you think of some times when you were truly happy? Can you go there in your mind still? Think of the types of thoughts you had. Remember what it felt like emotionally. Consider how it felt in your body. Try to take yourself there as if you could time travel and sit with that energy as much as possible even though your current situation isn't offering happiness. Pulse out happy vibes remembering those times or even imagining something you think might make you happy in the future.

Then set your intent to experience that same state again in the now. Believe you are worthy and capable of happiness. Try not to hold a specific picture in mind and just wait for an experience with the same feel to roll around.

Sometimes it helps to just be with someone who is experiencing happiness for a while. You can entrain with them and they can help shift you into that energy. You need to be open to it though. A lot of times we are blocked and standing in our own way.

Happiness and all emotions come and go. The more open you are the more it can flow in and the more it can build over time. Sometimes we are just in a season of our life that is difficult. There's nothing wrong with this and we can be happy that it won't last forever. Every little bit helps and it is better if we can hold gratitude in our hearts when what we desire does come along even if it is fleeting.

I can have an " enjoyable time , , , I can share pleasurable experiences . . . . " , but deep down inside I don't feel anything , it is all just a fleeting memory , isn't happiness suppost to last , at least more than just a fleeting moment . . . life is such a struggle . . . why does it need to be so hard. . . . more to the point why does my brain make it so hard . . .

Happy is not a very meaningful feeling to me, because what is it, really? Happy is a simple emotion for little kids...happy on a holiday, happy at a birthday party. It's a sugary feeling.

For adults to seek happy...seems like an inevitable disappointment. I mean, sure. Adults can have happy moments. But to "be happy", I dunno about that one. There's so much more than just happy.

I like to use words that are less superficial and have more density to them. How do I feel successful? When am I content? Is it important for me to feel peaceful; if it is, how can I increase peaceful feelings in my life? What is joy?

So yeah. I think of "happy" as a simple word, it's okay, but there are so many more ways to feel the best I can feel.

Just my belief... But nothing truly lasts. It is all just a moment. A moment can be anything we create. A string of happy moments or one happy moment moving into something else. There is no 'supposed to'.

It doesn't have to be hard although our perception often is that it is. I've had pure joy flow through in the darkest of times and deep despair appear when it should be easy to be happy. We can either flow with the energy around us, or force it. Either way is fine as long as we remain humble and know that sometimes all we can do is be, surrender and allow.

Happiness can be a theme or pattern over time, that is a wonderful goal, but is is an unlikely constant. My opinion is that it would leave us quite limited. It is only through fear and hate that I learned to appreciate and truly know love. I learned forgiveness amd mercy through the experience of mistake and humility.

We often view emotions that feel uncomfortable as bad. That can be true, but we can also view them as catalysts for expansion and knowingness beyond our current means. We can hold gratitude for the experience and it helps to lessen the blow.

Perhaps you are experiencing winter. It may be cold and dark and lifeless, but the seed is there. Give it time to grow. Spring is just around the corner.

I am successful by world standards , but I don't feel so , . . .

content , I do not seek any material things , or anything I do not have , I have no desire for anything , is that to be content . . . then I am . . .

peace will only come when I breath my last , of that I am sure . . .

joy , to me joy and happyness would be the same . . .

I like how @BirdDancer said to find happiness "in all the lovely things we can feel with our senses." I feel that means to be happy being human and to take joy in what we can see, hear, taste, touch and smell. That's why my dog makes me so happy, because she appeals to all my senses. Yes, i DO taste her when i give her love-bites!

I also feel that we should be happy about our human intelligence. It really is a magical thing!

Outstanding suggestions! ! Thank you for posting this.

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Originally Posted by wiretwister I am successful by world standards , but I don't feel so , . . . . .

Actually, being successful by world standards isn't exactly what I meant (although I think that's fine). I meant feeling successful about your own life, about who you are to yourself, when not compared with anyone else.

due to very strong beliefs in my youth countered with knowledge obtained later I will never be able to be successful in my own eyes , ( sorry but I will not be more specific on this forum ) , this struggle within myself haunts me and probably always will , tried to address this with T's but have never been " successful ", it is almost a primal struggle . . .

Can you step out of the whole picture of success and just take it one moment at a time? You just successfully communicated with Beth. You are successfully breathing at the moment. Maybe you successfully cared for your body and ate breakfast today.

Holding a perfected image of ourself can give us a goal to reach, but it can also foster a sense of unworthiness and a belief we will never find it even though we can be perfect just as we are. In truth, we are successfully creating our lives constantly. Just focusing on the now can help when a loftier ideal feels a million miles away.

I've experienced you as successful in a number of ways. Several posts that cared for and uplifted the group come to mind.

I got on the right track by getting rid of all the toxic people in my life and if a new one pops up I won't deal with them.

The weather was glorious at the dog park. My goofball terrier had a blast there. My favorite water aerobics instructor did fast self defense moves that were wise and empowering. Tho it’s hard for me to be social, I moved forward on planning trips to places I’m going to write about. My son is excited about doing one of those trips to see most of our family when he had refused previously. We re reading my stories to my grandsons as I write them.I’m going to try to meet people at writers groups that could be easier to relate to than wildly facebooking, no time for an uninterrupted conversation types.
On a roll and I don’t give a whit if this is a mixed episode - woo hoo, I’m going to enjoy the ride and make it work for me, grabbing all the good stuff and dodging the downers!!!!! Yes Bird and Fern, that’s it exactly!

Cristina said what I had planned on saying. I don't seek to be happy, I try to obtain contentment. I remember clearly the first time I felt contentment, I was about 9, it was summer and I was standing on the edge of a field of corn. It was a mild sunny day in Minnesota. The corn was about knee high and it was dry. The dirt was clomped together and hard under my bare feet. I just felt peaceful.