[Copper Koda]

I just had about a 4 month stint of mania. I really messed up and cheated on my husband of 22 years. First time and worse thing ever. I was too ashamed and afraid to tell my husband and he found out by finding things in my phone. My husband is trying to understand everything and he is very hurt. He is choosing to stay with me. He keeps asking me to write him letters about our future together and whatever else. I gave him 3 letters in a month including a very nice love letter but it isn't enough. He brings it up every day why haven't I wrote more... Over and over. I feel so pressured. I feel overwhelmed by his neediness. If I write a letter I need a quiet place with no interruptions to my train of thought. I also have been dealing with the trauma I caused and getting started on meds regularly only within the last month.
I just needed to vent somewhere.

[Victoria'smom]

I suggest going to couples therapy and both have an individual therapist.

[Skeezyks]

Hello Copper Koda: I see this is your first post here on PC. Welcome to Psych Central. One additional forum, here on PC, that may be of interest to you would be the Relationships & Communication forum. Here's a link:

https://psychcentralforums.com/relat...communication/

And then here's a link to an article, from Psych Central's archives, by our host Dr. John Grohol, Psy.D. on the subject of bipolar disorder plus a link to a blog titled: "Surviving Infidelity" that you may find to be of interest:

Bipolar Disorder: Symptoms, Types & Treatments | Psych Central

Surviving Infidelity | A blog about moving on from infidelity in your relationship

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

[~Christina]

I’d say couples counseling also.

He will either fully forgive you or not, if he cant then he will likely think about it and you will feel it’s always hanging over you.

Love letters are a beautiful thing, I like that idea, but those can’t be forced.

Go easy on yourself

[fern46]

Hey Copper Koda. I wanted to offer my empathy as I know how hard it can be to find normalcy again after a manic episode. I traumatized my husband during mine.

I agree with Christina. Go easy on yourself. Don't do anything that doesn't feel genuine. Your husband is looking for trust and faith through your letter writing and that is a fool's errand. I can see why he feels as he does, but it will not fix the situation. Write when it feels genuine and then spend time together when you can. Connect on every level possible if you feel inclined to do so.

The most important part is for you to learn how to manage future episodes. Understand warning signs and develop strategies to get help when you need it. Show your husband you're doing the work to avoid this in the future. That speaks volumes in comparison to a letter. Therapy is a great idea for both of you.

Med adjustment takes time. You're in good company if you have questions. There is a subforum here called Bipolar Treatments that you may find helpful.

Welcome, and I hope you find your experience here to be helpful and supportive.

[downandlonely]

I'm sorry you're going through this. I agree with what others have said. Therapy will help and also time as you get adjusted to the meds.

[Copper Koda]

Thank you all for the advice and encouragement. We are in therapy together and individual. Wednesday will be our 3rd appointment and I cannot wait! Hugs to all.

[*Beth*]

Without any hesitation: couples counseling and individual.