Advice on brushing off mental illness

Hey guys!

There's this guy I like (feeling a teen, but I'm getting close to 30). He's cool, but the other day I was trying to talk to him about my mental issues and he was brushing it off /quasi-joking about it. Kinda hurt my feelings but I don't know how to bring it up to him. He just didn't seem to get how bad things used to be/can be.

Has this happened to you? What would you do?

Curious to know what you think. Should add that I'm a pretty sensitive person and sometimes I don't stick up for myself enough because I'm more concerned about the other person's feelings than my own.

Hi clydeblack. I'm sorry you didn't get the attention and response you were looking for from this guy you like. I have no idea why he acted that way, but I'm definitely not surprised, at all. Obviously, I don't know exactly why he acted as he did, but some possible guesses would be:

* He's immature. Yes, guys even around 30 years old can sometimes act less mature than women that age. Obviously, there are many exceptions.

and/or

* He was a little caught off guard by the seriousness of your conversation, and maybe he has never had to discuss such a rather deep and serious topic. How long have you been together or been friends? Perhaps the serious topic of you having a mental illness seemed too soon for him. That is not a criticism of him or you. Some people may find such conversations "too soon". Perhaps bring it up again later in the relationship and he will respond a bit differently. It's even possible that he went home and googled a little bit about your mental issues, to learn more. Maybe even he'll bring it up to you before you bring it up again.

Hi BirdDancer,

Thanks for your response, I really appreciate it.

We've only known each other for a few months and he is a bit younger than me so maybe it's a bit of both.

It's true that it could have been abrupt. He was a little condescending about it, but maybe he didn't know what to say. I kind of felt like he wanted me to stop talking and he just went about it by making fun of it. It's not the first time I've brought something up and he brushed it off, but I'll try not to take it personally. I'm just used to people close to me laughing at or shutting down my problems and then they're surprised when I'm calling from the ER... anyway that escalated haha.

I have learned since being a small child to have very low expectations for people who have never lived with or suffered from a serious mental illness. It used to frustrate me and sometimes hurt me when a response from someone would be callous or indifferent. As both someone who grew up with schizophrenia all around her and someone with her own severe illnesses, I came to the conclusion that the only people who really need to understand my history and my illnesses are my psychiatrist, my therapist, and me. If anyone else turns out to have empathy, that's an unexpected gift. I've long since stopped looking for external support that's not clinical.

Maybe that sounds depressing, but its realistic. It has saved me a lot of pain and disappointment.

I've gotten disappointing reactions the few times i've confided in people about my bipolar. I think it's because people don't know what to say and they just want to have a good time and everyone is in their own little world. I'm sorry you can't connect with this guy re bipolar. That's disappointing. You sound charming!

Are you sure he was trying to brush it off and not to normalize it so you felt better about it?

Yeah, that's a good point but he was kind of making fun of it and just checking his phone while interrupting me and laughing. Can definitely tell the difference. I mean it's not a huge deal in the end, I just regretted telling him private information. Thanks for your input though.