Struggling

I have been having a hard time since leaving the hospital. I am afraid I will lose my job. My pdoc and T are pushing me to try and get disability. I have been fighting them for three years on it but am now considering it. Of course it is like a quarter of the money I make now. My wife is worried about that. All she cares about is our lifestyle not my health. I don’t know what to do. My pdoc thinks I qualify because of the years I have been struggling and amount of medications I have tried. I worry but I don’t care about money anymore. We have enough. A lot less since the market crash but still enough. So do I need to quit my job first before applying for disability? That scares me to lose my safety net but I understand why I would need to.

Possibly. But try applying without doing so. I worked full time and had applied they approved me about the time i got fired.

Hi Crook. I resisted applying for SSDI for a long time, but my situation was a little different than yours. In between attempts to return to work, I was on short and then long-term private disability while in the psych hospital and the PHPs/IOPs. I don't even remember how many attempts I made to return to work. That period is fuzzy in my mind.

I have heard of others, besides Aviza, who applied and were approved while working. I have no further information beyond that.

Your wife's attitude is surely not uncommon. I can understand her fear and discomfort at the thought of adjusting lifestyle. Have you had some family meetings that included her at your pdoc and tdoc? It might be a good idea.

Unfortunately, I think men in your position may often receive a bit more resistance from spouses than women in your position (with exceptions). Some may not like me writing that, but it's what I have observed. It is unfair. I don't think I would be that resistant (I'm a woman) if my husband was in your position, but then again I have no kids and would be OK living in a studio apartment. Or even temporarily a tent. My husband would not be as much. I'm sure your situation would not be even close to that bad!

I would NEVER wish what I have on my husband, but if I was the well one, we would likely do better with me as the working one. I made more money before the * hit the fan and had career growth ahead of me. But, life is life. Marriage vows include (or used to) "in sickness and in health". Not everyone takes their vows that seriously, but many do. I know limits to this vary, justifiably. Your wife may just need some time to process this situation a bit more.

My marriage ended up being further strengthened because of the challenges. I hope yours will be, too.

I have seen People that are working and receive it if they are missing lots of work for IP or being written up at work because of missing shifts or poor quality of work. and I have seen people turned down because they actually have a job no matter if its hanging on by a thread or not

I agree with Bird Dancer that your wife needs to go to an appt or 2 so she can hear from a professional what is going on and hopefully she will realize that you are really struggling and its dangerous for you to continue working right now.

There is no harm in applying , Its really not a complicated process, you fill out some paperwork, there is a section where you can write the struggles you have and included are papers to sign so they request your medical records. Alot of people are turned down when first apply, many are approved first go around also.. If not then you need to appeal.. the time for a decision can vary from state to state depending on back log, I do feel with the corona virus might have more people applying..

I hope your wife can really see your struggle and become more supportive

Thanks everyone for your support. I should have mentioned I am also a woman and in a lesbian marriage not that it really matters. All the advice is still good. I used to be the bread winner until my work suffered and I stopped getting raises. I have had a rough 6 years. I am scared to apply but I think I have a good chance. I even lost my security clearance because of mental health and that only happens to about 1% of people. Like I have said my pdoc and T have been trying for three years to get me to do this.

I'm sorry for my incorrect and automatic assumption. You have likely indicated you were a female in the past, but I missed it or forgot. My memory isn't always good.

All the best in making this significant decision. We're here to support you.

It’s all good. Just clarifying. It doesn’t bother me.

All the best.

I am so sorry you are in this difficult position, Crook. But I am so glad you seem to have enough to survive on--that is fantastic!!

I agree that bringing your spouse to some appointments could provide some important insight for her. I hope that can happen. And I certainly hope your disability claim is approved soon.

You have struggled valiantly for a long time. You certainly deserve whatever benefits you can obtain. We are all here for you.

Had a guy on the crisis line breathing really heavy into the phone which was annoying and he told me to just breathe and I will feel better. If it was that easy I wouldn’t need to call them. That call only lasted 3 minutes. Any longer and I probably would have cussed him out.

EEEK that is creepy. Have you tried Text lines?

Yeah but the one I used to do I got yelled at for doing it on consecutive days. They now have a warning posted that you can only do it once every 48 hours.

That's unfortunate. I can imagine the textline has limited volunteers and a lot of people with heightened anxiety over the coronavirus are probably texting in, so it kinda makes sense during this crisis. There is only so much you can do about that.

Was it Crisis Textline that you tried, it was it a different one? If it was not Crisis Textline, I encourage you to give that one a shot.

There are also a few sites where you can do a chat in your browser. I forget which ones do that, but I can try to look them up again if you're interested.

Yikes thats a shame there is a limit, maybe its right now like Blue said about Corona.. Maybe there is another line, certainly they are all not the same company .

When will you talk to your T next?

Trying out a new T Monday and my current T Wednesday.

Good that will certainly help you

It was the 741-741 one. It was months ago before whole corona thing. I did an online chat once and they called the cops.

Sorry to hear that. The Crisis Textline must be understaffed in general, I guess. I know it is frustrating though.

I do not blame you for not trusting online chats, especially since hospitals are getting slammed with coronavirus nowadays. They are a Petri dish.

Is there no mobile crisis team near you? Or a crisis center?

I wish I had more ideas, but I do not. I hope that seeing both Ts will help you.

The crisis center isn’t seeing people in person just phone calls. It is a crazy time.

Yes, it is definitely a crazy time.

Do you think you'll be safe from now until tomorrow when you talk to your new T?

Yeah my wife has my pills. Lowering my dose of risperdal has helped. I am trying to nap to pass the time. Also doing some work I should have done last week.

I'm happy to hear that you're staying safe and using naps/work to help.

What is your plan with your therapist situation? Are you thinking about switching from your current T to this new one, or are you planning on keeping both?

If you can afford it, I wonder if it may be beneficial to keep both Ts for a while because of your situation. Plus, you will always get two different perspectives and probably lots of advice/support since it's typically difficult to see the same therapist multiple times a week. I think you said your current T wants to do "support therapy," which may still be helpful. Then your other T can do a different kind of therapy.

Had a guy on my nice little quiet bike ride early this morning call me an ******e (socially inappropriate term for a human backside) as he blew through a red light for zero reason. Long story short, for some reason today, it just was not okay. Caught up to him. He refused to clarify his remarks for me, but did call me a psycho. I told him, after watching him blow through 8 stoplights with no helmet and no taillight--both required by law, that he was the reason people hate cyclists. That he had no right to be verbally abusing citizens out of for a nice pleasant morning ride. He called me a psycho again. Then, I told him what I really thought. Colorful language was employed, I do believe.

He blew through another dangerous intersection and I let him go. Took me 3 miles to calm down. I decided to make the most of my last 15 miles and greeted every single cyclist and runner with a cheerful "Good Morning!" Every last one replied happily and in a cheerful tone. And I felt better.

Mean people suck.

Right now I am just trying out the new one to see what it is like. I used to see mine twice a week but had to stop when I changed jobs. So once a week has been hard. Not sure if I will keep both it might get too confusing. The new one is more of a trauma therapist so that could be good. I have never directly focused on my trauma.

Sorry your bike ride was ruined by that jerk. People are idiots. That is why I avoid most of them.

Even after a double shot energy drink this morning I still took a nap. Haven’t down that in days because I have been too restless.