[bpcyclist]

So, was lying in bed praying last night, praying to have a less negative view of the galaxy. I freely admit to really struggling with thoughts that center around feeling and believing that a fairly significant part of my country's population of adults are just not good people. No real need for details, but I think it comes from a number of places--having been cheated on repeatedly, embezzled from, abandoned when I got really sick, discriminated against, and horrifically abused and tortured by a police department for two years. Sure it's more than that, but that's a start.

Anyway, as I was lying there last night and reflecting on how forcing myself to go for a ten-minute walk, despite my paranoia, had really lifted me--mostly because of the beautiful song of a little bird--it occurred to me that this was possibly all my doing. Why, I wondered, did I spend time thinking about these painful things and my, admittedly, rather firm belief that a sizable percentage of my country's people are just ethically and morally bereft, if not, outright evil, when I could be thinking about how wonderful it was to scuba dive in Fiji? Or how happy our absolutely awesome rose garden makes me? Or the squeals of happy toddlers at the playground? Or the fact that I had such wonderful times with my kids when they were little? Or how fortunate I am to be able to write? etc.

In short, why do I not focus more on these positives? Why am I so disturbed and angry about what I believe is misconduct when I see it? I'm not perfect, I have done some rotten things.


Anyway, was just wondering how other people balance out or make sense of these things. It would be so nice to be able to spend more time reflecting on the birds and the happy toddlers. I just need to figure out how to do that and to focus less on the evil I see all around us.

[Fuzzybear]

“A less negative view of the galaxy”

this, imo, is a great aspiration

I think I understand what you mean about the feeling that a significant proportion of the adult population are not good people . Maybe try reframing that, some of those who appear not to be good people are struggling people, struggling to survive or thrive. A therapist irl (quite a while ago) said I had “too many defences” ... .. what does that mean? Did it mean she found me “too difficult” to understand? Did it mean I was “too resistant” to what she was trying to do in the therapy. I do not think she was a “bad” person.. I didn’t get to know her. “good” or “bad”..

One thing I find helps me personally sometimes is finding the “grey” in people. Even if someone appears to be ...? They probably have some or more “redeeming qualities”..

I hope some of this is helpful or relevant, if not that is ok too

Love and respect to all sentient beings

[TishaBuv]

It’s hard to not think about the bad that was done to you. It’s only natural that you will sometimes. When you are doing pleasant things, like taking a walk, better thoughts will come to you. So do more pleasant things.

bpcyclist, you're far from being alone in your current feelings about the people of the world. I do want to say, however, that there are many people out there that are not only fighting the negative aspects of the world situation, but even the status quo that has kept progress from happening. Or at least keeps it from happening in a fast enough manner. I won't go much into politics, but looking at what's happening on what may be seen as "the positive side", is quite encouraging. People are learning...slowly, but surely. Those who never really knew and continue not to know, are just slower in the learning process. It's a shame that it can take hardship for people to learn lessons, but that is often the reality. I've had to learn a lot of hard lessons, but in a way I'm almost grateful for them, so that I did eventually learn.

Now I'm going to focus on something wonderful you wrote about. Birds! Hubby and I have been spending every halfway nice day outside. [We've had a lot of rain!] I have observed that this horrible pandemic has made nature seem happier. Yes, all those polluting people who take up too much room in the habitat are finally giving the wildlife and plant life a little break. The trees and plants seem happier. It's true that the birds do, too. Without jet aircraft and so much traffic, we've heard birdsong that we otherwise rarely would. Maybe this pandemic will set the precedent for more people to work from home, spending more time with their families, keeping traffic lighter, burning less polluting fuels, and therefore helping preserve or improve the environment. Why don't we learn to create something positive from this?

I definitely have my rageful times in the day, but I also try to pursue pleasure, as well. Humor is quite important to me. I like to be silly, play word games, playfully tease, sing, dance. I try to push myself to see the positives by deliberately looking for them. They are out there. Many many!

[fern46]

This is an interesting point of reflection. I don't have any answers. I can only provide what I've tried during similar moments of contemplation.

First, I believe wholeheartedly in trying to focus on the side of things I wish to experience more. I believe we entrain with the types of thoughts we dwell upon and in turn we tend to experience more of the same as a result. However, and this is a big however.... I no longer think reprogramming my perspective is enough. Pushing my truth away has led me to repress things. Those repressed things always have a way of returning and the more I push them down, the harder they hit me when I return. They have somewhat of an elastic quality about them.

Lately I've been working with this more and more. When an aspect of myself surfaces and I do not like it, that is a red flag that I need to dig deeper. Every pattern of thought or experience has a root. Root systems are multifacted and complex and sometimes need to be viewed in stages. So first, I might ask myself why do I feel the way I do? What has occurred to create it? I go back in time as far as I can looking for experiences with the same theme. Next, I ask myself what role did I play? Sometimes I've played multiple roles. So for example, if I have a fear of a certain type of person I might see that there are times when I was hurt by them or when I hurt that type of person or when I was that type of person. I try not to get too literal and look for a match in the essence of intent.

Next, I ask myself how have I expanded as a result of these experiences. What did I learn from all of the roles I played? Then I forgive myself for playing the parts I played and I forgive others for their roles. I hold compassion for the experiences they have had that led them to hurt me. I forgive myself for what led me to my own foolishness.

Next, I set an intent. I set a desire to loop through the experience again, but greet it with acceptance over negativity and fear. When it comes around I try my best to remember that and welcome the pieces of myself I do not like so much back into my heart. I also welcome into my heart whoever is playing the other roles in the experience. I ask for forgiveness for judging them and thank them for teaching me. I do this quietly and internally.

Then I try to navigate together to the place I want to end up. Its the difference between negativity surfacing and dissociating from it and integrating it and moving forward together. It is hard to move when you leave bits and pieces of yourself anchoring you to experiences you don't want to deal with. We create them for a reason... I do not believe that the universe is so random or cruel that we are perpetually offered meaningless experiences in pain. I respect those who do believe that, but it is not my path. So I shift my behavior and whatever happens happens. If it comes up again I repeat the steps and keep doing my new thing until eventually the entire experience just kinda morphs to a better place.

Outside of all that I set an intent as often as possible to experience whatever is within my highest possible good each day. I practice gratitude daily and I ask for guidance from above as well as from those here who have infinite wisdom to offer. When I don't like where I am I ask for the wisdom to know what force to apply to shift it. When I feel guilty, I confess and forgive. When I am angry, I seek out a laugh. When I am too excited, I seek out the calm. I'm not always balanced and that isn't the goal. The spectrum of experience has a ton to offer. I just want to be able to drive and go where I please when a change is needed. That feeling of choice in the moment is what helps me to feel neutral.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

“A less negative view of the galaxy”

this, imo, is a great aspiration

I think I understand what you mean about the feeling that a significant proportion of the adult population are not good people . Maybe try reframing that, some of those who appear not to be good people are struggling people, struggling to survive or thrive. A therapist irl (quite a while ago) said I had “too many defences” ... .. what does that mean? Did it mean she found me “too difficult” to understand? Did it mean I was “too resistant” to what she was trying to do in the therapy. I do not think she was a “bad” person.. I didn’t get to know her. “good” or “bad”..

One thing I find helps me personally sometimes is finding the “grey” in people. Even if someone appears to be ...? They probably have some or more “redeeming qualities”..

I hope some of this is helpful or relevant, if not that is ok too

Love and respect to all sentient beings

Thank you, Fuzzy. I like that idea of finding the grey. I will try to sit with that.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

It’s hard to not think about the bad that was done to you. It’s only natural that you will sometimes. When you are doing pleasant things, like taking a walk, better thoughts will come to you. So do more pleasant things.

That is a very good idea, TishaBuv--thanks!!

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by fern46

This is an interesting point of reflection. I don't have any answers. I can only provide what I've tried during similar moments of contemplation.

First, I believe wholeheartedly in trying to focus on the side of things I wish to experience more. I believe we entrain with the types of thoughts we dwell upon and in turn we tend to experience more of the same as a result. However, and this is a big however.... I no longer think reprogramming my perspective is enough. Pushing my truth away has led me to repress things. Those repressed things always have a way of returning and the more I push them down, the harder they hit me when I return. They have somewhat of an elastic quality about them.

Lately I've been working with this more and more. When an aspect of myself surfaces and I do not like it, that is a red flag that I need to dig deeper. Every pattern of thought or experience has a root. Root systems are multifacted and complex and sometimes need to be viewed in stages. So first, I might ask myself why do I feel the way I do? What has occurred to create it? I go back in time as far as I can looking for experiences with the same theme. Next, I ask myself what role did I play? Sometimes I've played multiple roles. So for example, if I have a fear of a certain type of person I might see that there are times when I was hurt by them or when I hurt that type of person or when I was that type of person. I try not to get too literal and look for a match in the essence of intent.

Next, I ask myself how have I expanded as a result of these experiences. What did I learn from all of the roles I played? Then I forgive myself for playing the parts I played and I forgive others for their roles. I hold compassion for the experiences they have had that led them to hurt me. I forgive myself for what led me to my own foolishness.

Next, I set an intent. I set a desire to loop through the experience again, but greet it with acceptance over negativity and fear. When it comes around I try my best to remember that and welcome the pieces of myself I do not like so much back into my heart. I also welcome into my heart whoever is playing the other roles in the experience. I ask for forgiveness for judging them and thank them for teaching me. I do this quietly and internally.

Then I try to navigate together to the place I want to end up. Its the difference between negativity surfacing and dissociating from it and integrating it and moving forward together. It is hard to move when you leave bits and pieces of yourself anchoring you to experiences you don't want to deal with. We create them for a reason... I do not believe that the universe is so random or cruel that we are perpetually offered meaningless experiences in pain. I respect those who do believe that, but it is not my path. So I shift my behavior and whatever happens happens. If it comes up again I repeat the steps and keep doing my new thing until eventually the entire experience just kinda morphs to a better place.

Outside of all that I set an intent as often as possible to experience whatever is within my highest possible good each day. I practice gratitude daily and I ask for guidance from above as well as from those here who have infinite wisdom to offer. When I don't like where I am I ask for the wisdom to know what force to apply to shift it. When I feel guilty, I confess and forgive. When I am angry, I seek out a laugh. When I am too excited, I seek out the calm. I'm not always balanced and that isn't the goal. The spectrum of experience has a ton to offer. I just want to be able to drive and go where I please when a change is needed. That feeling of choice in the moment is what helps me to feel neutral.

Fascinating. I especially like the parts about integration. I think that is really what I am aiming for. Trying to somehow incorporate these experiences into a whole me that can actually function in the world and not be bitter and angry as frequently. It is a lot of work for me, because those negative loop neural pathways are so hard-wired in my brain. I need to make more, happy, new ones.


Thank you so much for sharing how you do this, fern--I really appreciate it!

[Sometimes psychotic]

Selective focus. Just like using a camera. Which looks better?


These are the same tree. Looking at number two looks more natural without the house in the background. If I point my camera at the good parts I get better images. You just need to do the same with your mind. Avoid going where you see too much bad.

[fern46]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

Fascinating. I especially like the parts about integration. I think that is really what I am aiming for. Trying to somehow incorporate these experiences into a whole me that can actually function in the world and not be bitter and angry as frequently. It is a lot of work for me, because those negative loop neural pathways are so hard-wired in my brain. I need to make more, happy, new ones.


Thank you so much for sharing how you do this, fern--I really appreciate it!

Its new for me, but I have moved out of fear and anger more easily with this approach. Its funny you mentioned the neural pathways. Thats a huge reason why I'm going about it this way. I dug into neurology and blended it with what I know about computer programming and system design. So finding the root cause is like getting into the source code of a program and learning how it functions. Once you see the patterns, you can then redesign them because they all run on the same operating system. You. You are in this case the designer, the operating system, the program, the programmer, the quality control guy and the end user.

So... Let's say your brain goes from point A to Z instantly when a particular trigger comes along. The neural connections between source and target are well connected and travelled often like a superhighway. Anytime you hit point C you jump to Z. If you hit point Q you jump to Z. Its the fastest route. You brain knows if you hit a letter, jump to Z.

The process of going back to the root cause is like going back to point A and stopping the jump to Z. You then set up a new pathway and new destinations. Now you go from A then on to 1, 2, 3 and end up at 7 which is your new preference. Next time you go to A and then to alpha, delta, zeta and then eventually 7. You teach your brain 7 is happening whether it prefers that path or not. All similar triggers go to 7. Next time you go to A or to Q or whatever similar trigger point you then go to I, then II, then III and then back to 7. Eventually your brain starts to just take you straight to 7 because it is faster after doing the work to build the highway.

I realize that sounds kinda nutty, but hopefully you vibe with something difficult to explain

[Sometimes psychotic]

I feel like I should clarify....so for example I go grocery shopping early in the morning I avoid the crowds and don’t see people with kids...so I avoid the kids yelling or the parents yelling at the kids.

I don’t watch the local news, instead I read the news so I can be selective to the good.

My Instagram is filled with flowers, birds and trees.

If you avoid the most negative things it’s a lot easier to be positive about people.

If you see all of the darkness it’s very hard to remain positive.

I think I’m also helped by having kind of a meh memory, I have a tendency to forget stuff after six months or so I have my photos to remember by and that’s already selective.

Another alternative is the meditation of a tree dropping leaves in the river. As each leaf drops you see it flowing gently downstream. Attach each thought you have to a leaf and watch it flow gently downstream. The goal is to passively watch your thoughts float away. You don’t judge whether they are negative or positive just watch them pass by, it’s very zen and you can apply it to any thought you’re having. It doesn’t magically spiral you into the positive but it takes the negative into neutral territory.

[fern46]

Originally Posted by Sometimes psychotic

I feel like I should clarify....so for example I go grocery shopping early in the morning I avoid the crowds and don’t see people with kids...so I avoid the kids yelling or the parents yelling at the kids.

I don’t watch the local news, instead I read the news so I can be selective to the good.

My Instagram is filled with flowers, birds and trees.

If you avoid the most negative things it’s a lot easier to be positive about people.

If you see all of the darkness it’s very hard to remain positive.

I think I’m also helped by having kind of a meh memory, I have a tendency to forget stuff after six months or so I have my photos to remember by and that’s already selective.

Another alternative is the meditation of a tree dropping leaves in the river. As each leaf drops you see it flowing gently downstream. Attach each thought you have to a leaf and watch it flow gently downstream. The goal is to passively watch your thoughts float away. You don’t judge whether they are negative or positive just watch them pass by, it’s very zen and you can apply it to any thought you’re having. It doesn’t magically spiral you into the positive but it takes the negative into neutral territory.

I thought your metaphor was eloquent and spot on.

[Sometimes psychotic]

Originally Posted by fern46

I thought your metaphor was eloquent and spot on.

Thanks fern....I just thought it wasn’t very instructive...sometimes things are best spelled out for clarity, sometimes they aren’t, it can be hard to tell on the Internet because you can’t see an immediate response.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

bpcyclist, you're far from being alone in your current feelings about the people of the world. I do want to say, however, that there are many people out there that are not only fighting the negative aspects of the world situation, but even the status quo that has kept progress from happening. Or at least keeps it from happening in a fast enough manner. I won't go much into politics, but looking at what's happening on what may be seen as "the positive side", is quite encouraging. People are learning...slowly, but surely. Those who never really knew and continue not to know, are just slower in the learning process. It's a shame that it can take hardship for people to learn lessons, but that is often the reality. I've had to learn a lot of hard lessons, but in a way I'm almost grateful for them, so that I did eventually learn.

Now I'm going to focus on something wonderful you wrote about. Birds! Hubby and I have been spending every halfway nice day outside. [We've had a lot of rain!] I have observed that this horrible pandemic has made nature seem happier. Yes, all those polluting people who take up too much room in the habitat are finally giving the wildlife and plant life a little break. The trees and plants seem happier. It's true that the birds do, too. Without jet aircraft and so much traffic, we've heard birdsong that we otherwise rarely would. Maybe this pandemic will set the precedent for more people to work from home, spending more time with their families, keeping traffic lighter, burning less polluting fuels, and therefore helping preserve or improve the environment. Why don't we learn to create something positive from this?

I definitely have my rageful times in the day, but I also try to pursue pleasure, as well. Humor is quite important to me. I like to be silly, play word games, playfully tease, sing, dance. I try to push myself to see the positives by deliberately looking for them. They are out there. Many many!

Thanks for pointing out the positive side of things, BirdDancer. You are right. I think I could focus more on the positive side and less on the people who are not open to any kind of education. It is very difficult to learn something new if you believe you already know everything there is to know in the universe.

My mother was a huge bird person. My senior year of high school, we took a week school trip to the Malheur National Bird Refuge in southeast Oregon, toward Nevada. It was absolutely unbelievable. I'll never forget it it as long as I live. My favorites were the wrens and other reed-dwellers. The way they would try to hide with their beaks straight up in the air, saying: "I'm a reed! I'm reed! I'm not a bird!"

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Sometimes psychotic

Selective focus. Just like using a camera. Which looks better?


These are the same tree. Looking at number two looks more natural without the house in the background. If I point my camera at the good parts I get better images. You just need to do the same with your mind. Avoid going where you see too much bad.

Just beautiful. Tulip tree?

[bpcyclist]

Exactly. Exactly.

[Fuzzybear]

I agree. Avoid going where there is too much bad....

[Sometimes psychotic]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

Just beautiful. Tulip tree?

Magnolia

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Sometimes psychotic

I feel like I should clarify....so for example I go grocery shopping early in the morning I avoid the crowds and don’t see people with kids...so I avoid the kids yelling or the parents yelling at the kids.

I don’t watch the local news, instead I read the news so I can be selective to the good.

My Instagram is filled with flowers, birds and trees.

If you avoid the most negative things it’s a lot easier to be positive about people.

If you see all of the darkness it’s very hard to remain positive.

I think I’m also helped by having kind of a meh memory, I have a tendency to forget stuff after six months or so I have my photos to remember by and that’s already selective.

Another alternative is the meditation of a tree dropping leaves in the river. As each leaf drops you see it flowing gently downstream. Attach each thought you have to a leaf and watch it flow gently downstream. The goal is to passively watch your thoughts float away. You don’t judge whether they are negative or positive just watch them pass by, it’s very zen and you can apply it to any thought you’re having. It doesn’t magically spiral you into the positive but it takes the negative into neutral territory.

Okay, I get all this and I do this, much of the time. I use a kind of Buddhist, non-attachment type approach.


So, great. But what about the moral imperative not to stand by idly while clearly evil actions occur? For example, had the United States not entered the war against both Germany and Japan, respectively and for very different reasons, well, far, far, far more evil and suffering would have befallen planet earth and its inhabitants. Had I been around then and elected not to involve myself because it caused me stress and discomfort and pain and unhappiness, well, I do not believe that would have been the right choice in the grand scheme of the universe.

So, what I am saying is that, just for myself, totally focusing on my own mental health well-being may not actually always be the morally correct decision. Which I find quite difficult. Sometimes, pain is required in order to do the right thing. Child birth and child rearing are painful, often, but we don't abandon our kids when they are misbehaving, because that would be wrong. Doing 7 years of brutal residency was extremely painful, but it had to be done in order to save lives that otherwise would likely have been lost. Etc.

[fern46]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

Okay, I get all this and I do this, much of the time. I use a kind of Buddhist, non-attachment type approach.


So, great. But what about the moral imperative not to stand by idly while clearly evil actions occur? For example, had the United States not entered the war against both Germany and Japan, respectively and for very different reasons, well, far, far, far more evil and suffering would have befallen planet earth and its inhabitants. Had I been around then and elected not to involve myself because it caused me stress and discomfort and pain and unhappiness, well, I do not believe that would have been the right choice in the grand scheme of the universe.

So, what I am saying is that, just for myself, totally focusing on my own mental health well-being may not actually always be the morally correct decision. Which I find quite difficult. Sometimes, pain is required in order to do the right thing. Child birth and child rearing are painful, often, but we don't abandon our kids when they are misbehaving, because that would be wrong. Doing 7 years of brutal residency was extremely painful, but it had to be done in order to save lives that otherwise would likely have been lost. Etc.

You didn't ask me... But I think there's no morally superior road. I think if we feel compelled to take action against something we must recognize that an equal and opposite reaction is coming our way. Is that worth it? That depends wholly upon your internal value structure. So like you said, you may be signing up for pain. Pain sometimes leads to what we feel is the greater good and it adds value to our experience. It is a choice.

Someone choosing not to engage in something that is painful doesn't make them bad or inferior. It just means they choose not to expand along that particular pathway.

So in your war example, me judging the actions of others as not right for me is one thing. Me standing in their way and applying force against them is another. If I apply the force, I must do it with the knowing it will generate a counter force. If I let them proceed without restraint on my part I can know they will eventually be met with a counter force even if I do not sign up to supply it. Maybe I'm ok with that. Maybe not. If someone were to attack my family I'd probably jump right in despite the consequences. It would be pain that I sign up for willingly.

I think the goal is to have clarity about where you want to go, how you want to get there and what to do if you decide it isn't for you and you wish to go someplace else.

Be a hero if you want to be a hero. That can be an awesome and worthwhile adventure. Just be prepared to dance with the villain. I got in deep with that once on a moral high road. It knocked me flat on my face and left me rethinking my feeling I had a right to judge the actions of what I thought was my opponent... I'd probably be willing to mix it up with them again, but I'd take a wildly different approach.