[OliverB]

If this is bipolar, I had my first episode at 12yo.

When did you have yours? Where you normal as a child?

[Sometimes psychotic]

36 years old.....I was still weird as a kid, just not bp......

[bpcyclist]

Cannot give you an age really, but early childhood. Less than 8 years old for sure.

[*Beth*]

I remember feeling anger, and ruminating over the anger, when I was as young as 4 years old. I couldn't stop my mind from getting stuck in one gear. I also remember being extremely sensitive to such things as daylight changes and how they effected my moods when I was that young.

By the time I was 8 I was suffering badly from depression, anxiety, and episodes of what I now know were mania.

[Fuzzybear]

Maybe 20. I was not ''normal'' as a cub, I was ''always'' anxious. Grrrrr

I know that 14 years old, something was quite amiss with me. That was when I was prescribed my first psychotropic medication, for anxiety (buspirone). At 15, my mental health deteriorated even more. I was experiencing extreme mental anguish, and I remember for the first time thinking that something was seriously wrong with my mental health. I remember scanning books in the library on the subject. I decided that maybe I had schizophrenia? I'm not quite sure why I picked that diagnosis. My guess is that racing thoughts confused me. That thinking was not normal. Then there's a long story that follows that. As for typical symptoms of bipolar disorder, I did experience reduced need for sleep, pressured voluminous loud speech, ranting, anger outbursts, periods of elation and some disinhibition, more anxiety, depression, and a "Star of the Show Syndrome", as I like to call it. I've had these frequently throughout my life. Perhaps a lot to criticize about my behavior, and yet it can stand out in a positive way, too.

I'm not sure if I had any bipolar symptoms before 14/15. I can say that I was a very independent, driven, and passionate child. Sometimes rebellious. I daydreamed a lot, was incredibly fearless and independent. I would dance and feel like my dance was inspired by God, and that it brought me close to God. I could dance to music that I heard only in my head. I felt capable of anything and in touch with things that I doubted other kids my age could comprehend. Some kids have heroes they see on TV. This may sound grandiose, but I remember my fantasy hero being me, but not me. She had my name, but we were a bit separate. She was the BirdDancer I strove to be. She was all powerful and greatly admired. I wanted to be her someday very much. All of this likely started as young as maybe 6, 7 or 8 years old. Whether or not that was bipolar disorder then, I don't know.

There were times in my life when I thought I became that "great" BirdDancer. Other times, I felt that I fell short. Expectations for myself were always very high. When I didn't meet them, it really hurt.

[OliverB]

Thank you all for sharing your stories 🤗

[~Christina]

I wasn't diagnosed until age 43 but looking back it explained so much of my life. In Therapy we traced it back to age 6. But no one diagnosed a child as Bipolar back then. Even most all Pdocs are unwilling to diagnose anyone under 18 .. Sure they can go ahead and help find meds that can help with symptoms.. Bipolar isnt a label anyone wants unless they truly have it as it can effect your ability to do get/certain jobs etc..

[MobiusPsyche]

I had childhood depression for sure but it wasn't diagnosed or acknowledged back then. At least not by my working class parents. I was always a quiet, odd child.

My depression was first diagnosed when I was sixteen, which I probably had my first mixed episode around age eighteen.

[Moose72]

I've always been creative. My aunt thought I was special- different. As a teen a couple times I burst out shouting very loudly at a family member. This is totally out of character for me. Also as a teen I sometimes would hear voices. I heard someone calling my name. I thought it was my sister so I went to her bedroom- it was next to mine- and woke her up and asked if she was calling my name. Of course she was not. In high school the choir was at choir camp. One day the director took me aside after the rehearsal and proceded to berate me for basically being a show off. But it was about someone getting dumped because of how he acted. The whole time I was crying and 110% confused and shocked! Last year I asked a fellow choir member from those days if he knew about that and he said yes a lot of people were spying on us that day.

At 16 I saw my first psychiatrist. He said I was a "normal teenager". No diagnosis. At 25 I suffered from depression during pregnancy. My ob prescribed antidepressants. After each pregnancy I had post partum depression. After my youngest was born I was giving my daughter, age, 2, a shower.

Possible trigger:

As I was washing her hair I saw my hands crushing her skull breaking it open. It was very vivid!

I reported this to my current pdoc and she just said I had post partum depression.

When I was 25 I got yelled at by my female choir director - of an all-female choir!- for bringing my new baby to rehearsal. She too berated me and I ended up crying again. This may sound like I cry a lit but I really don't- my best friend says I'm pretty stoic for a female.

At about 28, I was in the bathroom and looked out the window. I saw orange rectangles out in the sky! I thought they were spaceships! I even looked back in the bathroom but they werent there! They were still in the sky. I asked my husband if he saw them and he said no.

Right before I was diagnosed,I went for a walk. I was having derealization and all the colors were ultra vivid. I alsosaw a little girl on a porch but she disappeared right before my eyes!

This was all before I was diagnosed. I wasn't diagnosed until I was 33.

Depression started when I was 13-ish I think. Psychosis and Mania at 16. Diagnosis at 17.