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  #1  
Old May 30, 2020, 11:59 AM
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OliverB OliverB is offline
Grand Poohbah
 
Member Since: Jun 2014
Location: Wonderland-Everyoneland
Posts: 1,533
I am exhausted, I feel worthless, stupid, I do not enjoy anything anymore, I want peace, I want to die, but I cannot stop doing things, I have sold old stuff, bougth a bunch of plants and other stuff including an aquarium. Tomorrow I am getting the fishes and Next week a Cat.

I need to rest but I cannot stop the thoughts and actions. I feel so frustrated and angry I wanted to jump un front of a car because the traffic light was red.

I cannot stop feeling so many extreme emotions at the same time for no reason.

So many urges
So many thoughts i cannot think clearly by myself.

I talked to my therapist by phone bc I was SUI, he asked me if I wanted to go IP or go to the clinic (I was to tired to walk there), I said no. He told me to go to the clinic Next Tuesday (they are doing phone sesions since the COVID). I promised him I would be there and I will.

ITS ALWAYS THE SAME ROLLER COASTER TWICE A YEAR

APs dont work

I do not want to Live all my Life like this.

I feel like a fraud, I must be OK. I do not know if going to the clinic on tuesday. I shouldnt if I am a fraud. I am afraid of letting my T know my agitation, he just knows about the depression.

I am not talkative and always look calm, very very calm.
__________________
Crazy, inside and aside

Meds: bye bye meds
CPTSD and some sort of depression and weird perceptions

"Outwardly: dumbly, I shamble about, a thing that could never have been known as human, a
thing whose shape is so alien a travesty that humanity becomes more obscene for the vague resemblance."
I have no mouth and I must scream -Harlan Ellison-
Hugs from:
Anonymous46341, bizi, unicornlady
Thanks for this!
bizi

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  #2  
Old May 30, 2020, 12:54 PM
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Fuzzybear Fuzzybear is offline
Wisest Elder Ever
 
Member Since: Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,637
I wish I wasn’t ............because of ****

I wish you well
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Thanks for this!
OliverB
  #3  
Old May 30, 2020, 01:42 PM
Anonymous41462
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Posts: n/a
I'm right there with you Oliver B...
Thanks for this!
OliverB
  #4  
Old May 31, 2020, 10:12 AM
bizi's Avatar
bizi bizi is offline
Bizi is bizi
 
Member Since: Nov 2005
Location: cajun country
Posts: 11,082
Be as honest as possible with every one. that is my advice to you.
(((((HUGS))))))
bizi
lies hurt you.....
I need to do the same thing.
__________________
lamictal 2x a day
haldol 2x a day
cogentin 2x a day
klonipin , 1mg at night,
fish oil coq10
multi vit,, vit c, at noon, tumeric, caffeine
Remeron at night,
zyprexa,
requip2-4mg





Thanks for this!
OliverB
  #5  
Old May 31, 2020, 10:19 AM
OliverB's Avatar
OliverB OliverB is offline
Grand Poohbah
 
Member Since: Jun 2014
Location: Wonderland-Everyoneland
Posts: 1,533
Quote:
Originally Posted by bizi View Post
Be as honest as possible with every one. that is my advice to you.
(((((HUGS))))))
bizi
lies hurt you.....
I need to do the same thing.

It is so difficult to be honest, but lets try!
__________________
Crazy, inside and aside

Meds: bye bye meds
CPTSD and some sort of depression and weird perceptions

"Outwardly: dumbly, I shamble about, a thing that could never have been known as human, a
thing whose shape is so alien a travesty that humanity becomes more obscene for the vague resemblance."
I have no mouth and I must scream -Harlan Ellison-
  #6  
Old Jun 03, 2020, 04:00 AM
OliverB's Avatar
OliverB OliverB is offline
Grand Poohbah
 
Member Since: Jun 2014
Location: Wonderland-Everyoneland
Posts: 1,533
I wonder if It is worth to live having these issues most of the time.
__________________
Crazy, inside and aside

Meds: bye bye meds
CPTSD and some sort of depression and weird perceptions

"Outwardly: dumbly, I shamble about, a thing that could never have been known as human, a
thing whose shape is so alien a travesty that humanity becomes more obscene for the vague resemblance."
I have no mouth and I must scream -Harlan Ellison-
Hugs from:
bpcyclist
Thanks for this!
bpcyclist
  #7  
Old Jun 03, 2020, 10:42 AM
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bpcyclist bpcyclist is offline
Legendary
 
Member Since: Sep 2019
Location: Portland
Posts: 12,681
One of the cruelties of this illness is hope robbery. When we are really struggling, we often cannot see that there is another side to ever get to. But there is. There always is. Our illness, your illness, is preventing you from accurately viewing this. So, it is no wonder it can be so difficult.

You cannot give up. Press on. Do what little things you can. Try for a little walk. Maybe seeing a dog or some flowers will lift you a tad. What about a med adjustment.pdoc consultation?

Sending you strength!!!!!!!! And support!!!!! Hang in there!!!!!
__________________
When I was a kid, my parents moved a lot, but I always found them--Rodney Dangerfield
Thanks for this!
OliverB
  #8  
Old Jun 03, 2020, 04:41 PM
OliverB's Avatar
OliverB OliverB is offline
Grand Poohbah
 
Member Since: Jun 2014
Location: Wonderland-Everyoneland
Posts: 1,533
I do not want to spend my whole life taking meds. Next appointment with doc (therapist) is in 3 weeks.
__________________
Crazy, inside and aside

Meds: bye bye meds
CPTSD and some sort of depression and weird perceptions

"Outwardly: dumbly, I shamble about, a thing that could never have been known as human, a
thing whose shape is so alien a travesty that humanity becomes more obscene for the vague resemblance."
I have no mouth and I must scream -Harlan Ellison-
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