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#1
May 30, 2020, 11:59 AM
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I am exhausted, I feel worthless, stupid, I do not enjoy anything anymore, I want peace, I want to die, but I cannot stop doing things, I have sold old stuff, bougth a bunch of plants and other stuff including an aquarium. Tomorrow I am getting the fishes and Next week a Cat.
I need to rest but I cannot stop the thoughts and actions. I feel so frustrated and angry I wanted to jump un front of a car because the traffic light was red. I cannot stop feeling so many extreme emotions at the same time for no reason. So many urges So many thoughts i cannot think clearly by myself. I talked to my therapist by phone bc I was SUI, he asked me if I wanted to go IP or go to the clinic (I was to tired to walk there), I said no. He told me to go to the clinic Next Tuesday (they are doing phone sesions since the COVID). I promised him I would be there and I will. ITS ALWAYS THE SAME ROLLER COASTER TWICE A YEAR APs dont work I do not want to Live all my Life like this. I feel like a fraud, I must be OK. I do not know if going to the clinic on tuesday. I shouldnt if I am a fraud. I am afraid of letting my T know my agitation, he just knows about the depression. I am not talkative and always look calm, very very calm.
__________________
Crazy, inside and aside Meds: bye bye meds CPTSD and some sort of depression and weird perceptions "Outwardly: dumbly, I shamble about, a thing that could never have been known as human, a
thing whose shape is so alien a travesty that humanity becomes more obscene for the vague resemblance." I have no mouth and I must scream -Harlan Ellison- |
 Anonymous46341, bizi, unicornlady
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 bizi
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#2
May 30, 2020, 12:54 PM
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I wish I wasn’t ............because of ****
I wish you well 
__________________
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| OliverB
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#3
May 30, 2020, 01:42 PM
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I'm right there with you Oliver B...
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| OliverB
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#4
May 31, 2020, 10:12 AM
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Be as honest as possible with every one. that is my advice to you.
(((((HUGS)))))) bizi lies hurt you..... I need to do the same thing.
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lamictal 2x a day haldol 2x a day cogentin 2x a day klonipin , 1mg at night, fish oil coq10 multi vit,, vit c, at noon, tumeric, caffeine Remeron at night, zyprexa, requip2-4mg |
| OliverB
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#5
May 31, 2020, 10:19 AM
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Quote:
It is so difficult to be honest, but lets try!
__________________
Crazy, inside and aside Meds: bye bye meds CPTSD and some sort of depression and weird perceptions "Outwardly: dumbly, I shamble about, a thing that could never have been known as human, a
thing whose shape is so alien a travesty that humanity becomes more obscene for the vague resemblance." I have no mouth and I must scream -Harlan Ellison- |
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#6
Jun 03, 2020, 04:00 AM
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I wonder if It is worth to live having these issues most of the time.
__________________
Crazy, inside and aside Meds: bye bye meds CPTSD and some sort of depression and weird perceptions "Outwardly: dumbly, I shamble about, a thing that could never have been known as human, a
thing whose shape is so alien a travesty that humanity becomes more obscene for the vague resemblance." I have no mouth and I must scream -Harlan Ellison- |
| bpcyclist
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| bpcyclist
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#7
Jun 03, 2020, 10:42 AM
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One of the cruelties of this illness is hope robbery. When we are really struggling, we often cannot see that there is another side to ever get to. But there is. There always is. Our illness, your illness, is preventing you from accurately viewing this. So, it is no wonder it can be so difficult.
You cannot give up. Press on. Do what little things you can. Try for a little walk. Maybe seeing a dog or some flowers will lift you a tad. What about a med adjustment.pdoc consultation? Sending you strength!!!!!!!! And support!!!!! Hang in there!!!!!
__________________
When I was a kid, my parents moved a lot, but I always found them--Rodney Dangerfield |
| OliverB
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#8
Jun 03, 2020, 04:41 PM
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I do not want to spend my whole life taking meds. Next appointment with doc (therapist) is in 3 weeks.
__________________
Crazy, inside and aside Meds: bye bye meds CPTSD and some sort of depression and weird perceptions "Outwardly: dumbly, I shamble about, a thing that could never have been known as human, a
thing whose shape is so alien a travesty that humanity becomes more obscene for the vague resemblance." I have no mouth and I must scream -Harlan Ellison- |
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