[LadyShadow]

Hello everyone,

Some of you guys might remember me. I haven't been around for a while.

I don't want to make this a religious post or anything - but I think God might be punishing me for boasting and showing off because I thought I received everything I ever wanted.

I wanted 4 things in life by the time I reached 40 - a wonderful job, a nice apartment, a brand new car, and an amazing husband and love of my life.

Up until a month ago, I thought I received all four things.

Then the pain happened, the destruction happened, the drugs happened and I am spiraling down a very dangerous rabbit hole with no way out and my wedding a month away.

All I am asking for is that you close your eyes and find me in your soul for a minute or two - I have always been deeply emotional and right now my heart is so broken and I feel I have no way out.

I wish when dreams came true they didn't come with a "punishment" clause in which you get everything you want in life but there is a price for it - the price being your heart and peace of mind. I don't know if its all the crap I've been through the past month or the depressive side of my bipolar that's coming out, but I feel an aching in my chest after sleeping for almost 36 hours because I just couldn't get out of bed.

This is the worst feeling in the world because just last year was my rollercoaster hospitalization and all I ever wanted was to be happy - then my happiness was granted but the price for it is my sanity.

I know this was a very ambiguous post, please forgive me for that - I don't want to get into specifics only because I don't know if it would be allowed by moderators.

All I ask is you close your eyes and virtually hold my hand right now because I could really use a friend and I have none right now, and I couldn't be more alone.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by LadyShadow

Hello everyone,

Some of you guys might remember me. I haven't been around for a while.

I don't want to make this a religious post or anything - but I think God might be punishing me for boasting and showing off because I thought I received everything I ever wanted.

I wanted 4 things in life by the time I reached 40 - a wonderful job, a nice apartment, a brand new car, and an amazing husband and love of my life.

Up until a month ago, I thought I received all four things.

Then the pain happened, the destruction happened, the drugs happened and I am spiraling down a very dangerous rabbit hole with no way out and my wedding a month away.

All I am asking for is that you close your eyes and find me in your soul for a minute or two - I have always been deeply emotional and right now my heart is so broken and I feel I have no way out.

I wish when dreams came true they didn't come with a "punishment" clause in which you get everything you want in life but there is a price for it - the price being your heart and peace of mind. I don't know if its all the crap I've been through the past month or the depressive side of my bipolar that's coming out, but I feel an aching in my chest after sleeping for almost 36 hours because I just couldn't get out of bed.

This is the worst feeling in the world because just last year was my rollercoaster hospitalization and all I ever wanted was to be happy - then my happiness was granted but the price for it is my sanity.

I know this was a very ambiguous post, please forgive me for that - I don't want to get into specifics only because I don't know if it would be allowed by moderators.

All I ask is you close your eyes and virtually hold my hand right now because I could really use a friend and I have none right now, and I couldn't be more alone.

I am so sorry you are hurting, LadyShadow. It is a bit hard to know how to react without knowing the situation, but I will just say that, at the point in life when I "had everything I had ever wanted," I was by far the most umhappy I have or had ever been. Bar none. Sometimes you get there and it just isn't what you dreamed it would be.

Sending you strength and support!! I hope you feel better soon!

[LadyShadow]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

I am so sorry you are hurting, LadyShadow. It is a bit hard to know how to react without knowing the situation, but I will just say that, at the point in life when I "had everything I had ever wanted," I was by far the most umhappy I have or had ever been. Bar none. Sometimes you get there and it just isn't what you dreamed it would be.

Sending you strength and support!! I hope you feel better soon!

You know what bpcyclist - that is so true. I feel like I made it, but it wasn't at all what I expected it to be or turn out. Well yes, it is because it was really good for a while till the drugs took him over and sucked me in too. Thank you so much for your words - I honestly don't know what to do, all I know it hurts really badly.

I am happy to see you back and reaching out to us, LadyShadow! I'm sorry you are going through this painful period. My hand is here for yours to help you get back to a better place.

What you desire seems reasonable to me. It's not too much.

[bpcyclist]

Have you ever benefited from AA or NA or anything like that? Any support group type deal? Maybe that could possibly help you out, to be with other people in a simiar situation. It has always helped me.

[Standup2me]

All I can do is send thoughts of peace and calm your way. You have a lot of people here praying for you.

Oh, Lady Shadow, I'm so sorry you're suffering so. And glad you are reaching out here. As you work through this (yes, through -- I believe you will triumph), you can know that people from all over the place are pulling for you! I hope you can feel that envelope you whenever you need it. Much and strength to you.

Oh, and yes, I remember you.

[swimmingly]

Hi Lady Shadow, I'm new here so I don't have the pleasure of knowing you from before but I wanted to let you know that I will be keeping you in my thoughts as you fight and win through this. Feel our positive energy coming your way!

[Nammu]

* holds lady shadow's hand*