[imaginethat]

The fear of getting fired has colored everything I do at work. I look for evidence that I'll soon be fired. Any little thing I do wrong is a cause for alarm. I know it's not possible to be perfect, but I have this idea that if I'm not nearly perfect, I'll be fired.

It stems from my mom's extreme fear of being fired even though she never has. If I tell her something about work, she twists it to mean that I'll get fired. It's hard hearing that come from the one person in your life who is supposed to be supportive. It also stems from the fact that one time I was suddenly forced to resign and the employer couldn't give me a good reason why.

My manager sent me a long list of things I've done wrong over the past six months. It scared the sh** out of me. I asked her if my job is in jeopardy and she said "No, I don't think so. I'm not getting ready to put you on corrective action." That answer "I don't think so" wasn't definitive enough for me. Now I'm paying uber attention to everything I do and wondering if it's good enough.

What should I do? My therapist only made the situation worse. She suggested that my manager is keeping a paper trail by sending me this email! Do you believe that! She probably wasn't thinking well at the time. Still, it hurt.

[bpcyclist]

All managers keep paper trails. It is part of their job. If you are working on the items and issues she pointed out, there really isn't much more you can do. If you think being let go is a realistic thing, maybe you should just have a look around at other jobs, just so you know what is out there.

What I learned from being discriminated against at my job when they found out I was sick is, once they start making serious noie about performance issues, it is really best to have a plan you can fall back on. Just my own take from my life. Might not apply to you.

Hang in there!

[Bipolarchic14]

You also want to document things. For example when you look at the email if you see anything that looks like it’s not correct, you want to make sure to stand up for yourself. I’ve had my employer criticize me during reviews and not have any specific examples and I push back when something like that happens. I’ve actually gone to HR to dispute a review!

[imaginethat]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

All managers keep paper trails. It is part of their job. If you are working on the items and issues she pointed out, there really isn't much more you can do. If you think being let go is a realistic thing, maybe you should just have a look around at other jobs, just so you know what is out there.

What I learned from being discriminated against at my job when they found out I was sick is, once they start making serious noie about performance issues, it is really best to have a plan you can fall back on. Just my own take from my life. Might not apply to you.

Hang in there!

Where I live, there are few jobs in my field. I really don't want to change professions. I'd have to find a company who would let me work at home.

[imaginethat]

Originally Posted by Bipolarchic14

You also want to document things. For example when you look at the email if you see anything that looks like it’s not correct, you want to make sure to stand up for yourself. I’ve had my employer criticize me during reviews and not have any specific examples and I push back when something like that happens. I’ve actually gone to HR to dispute a review!

Yep, great idea. Thanks.

[TunedOut]

Originally Posted by imaginethat

The fear of getting fired has colored everything I do at work. I look for evidence that I'll soon be fired. Any little thing I do wrong is a cause for alarm. I know it's not possible to be perfect, but I have this idea that if I'm not nearly perfect, I'll be fired.

Most corporations today keep a "prefiring" paper trail on all. They pull it out when they are planning to let people go (business downtowns, mergers, reorganizations implementing new CEOs vision/costcutting measures, etc.) If you are part of a union and possibly in some states, the paper trail does matter. I work in a state where companies can fire you anytime. When cutbacks are needed, I have seen people with perfect records let go along with those of us who struggled in some area at work. Unless you have done something truly wrong, the paper trail matters very little in the grand scheme of things. It is only one small piece of the puzzle concerning who ends up keeping their job and who is let go. Try to look at your job as a learning experience. Even if you are let go someday, the skills you are learning usually lead to other opportunities down the line. Both my husband and I have been rehired by employers who let us go from the company but then brought us back months or years later in other positions. It is just not in your control. Acceptance of this will help you enjoy your job more.

[Bipolarchic14]

Something else I would like to add, I’m also accepting to criticism. If there’s really an area that I need to work on, I will discuss it with my manager and we will come up with a plan to correct it. If you do something like that you want to make sure that you document that as well. I met with Bob Smith on June 21st at 11 am to discuss my talk time....We ultimately decided I am building too much rapport and I should work to minimize that. any witness? This meeting was witnessed by... If a manager is doing something wrong document that too. I had to do that for a former manager who thought it to be acceptable to stand quite literally an inch from me a sarcastically whisper stuff in my ear while I was training people. He quickly discovered it wasn’t.

[fern46]

Try to look at the value in your fear. What is it doing for you? If it motivated you to work harder and better, I would say hold on to a healthy amount of fear. In your case, it sounds like a distraction that keeps you lost in ruminating thought patterns that are affecting your performance.

Many people believe we create what we focus on the most. I believe there is some truth to that. If you are constantly generating the belief you will be fired, eventually you will find yourself on a path that will allow you to have what you focus on the most.

I think you would be better served to redirect your energy into something that can work for you. A strategic approach to better performance can help. Here are a few steps I can think of conceptually. You'd want to make this your own though and do something that works best for you.

First, limit your discussions about work with your mother. She is projecting onto you and it fuels your rumination. You need to be able to separate your siutation and feelings from hers. You might need to distance yourself. Also, a candid discussion with her about how her comments affect you would be great. Maybe you two could work on this together. You could even consider asking your therapist to work with both of you on coping skills in a family session.

Next, you need to shift those thought patterns and the feelings that come with them. In order to shift a pattern, you need to see how it works. Maybe keep a journal of when these thought/feelings are triggered and how often and what triggers them.

Next, devise a thought/feeling pattern to use to shift the negative one when it happens. So let's say a coworker makes a remark about your work and it triggers you, allow the negative thoughts to surface. Tell yourself you accept the thoughts and recognize them as a pattern. Forgive yourself for it and then tell yourself you are now going to redirect your thoughts to something more valuable. Then imagine things going well at work. Visualize success. Imagine yourself doing the kind of work you know you can when you are focused.

Finally, go over that list. For each item, sit with the fear a bit and accept it. Love yourself through it and then let the fear go. Develop a strategy to remediate each item.

If you screwed up, imagine yourself being successful next time. Walk yourself through each step you need to take over and over so next time you do that task your mind and body are trained to respond.

If an item represents an education issue, invest some time learning what you need to know instead of fearing what you do not know. Go above and beyond.

Finally, if there is something you aren't great at, be honest with yourself and accept it and then make a plan to get better. Find a mentor at work and ask to shadow them. Practice. Whatever. The goal is to demonstrate effort toward improvement and to give yourself the knowing you are focusing on what you can control rather than inviting your fear to materialize because you dwell on it and it affects your performance. Just try not to run from the list because it scares you. Be brave and face it.

The only other thing I can think of is to spend time getting your resume together and looking around to see what is available. If you do get let go, and that could happen even if you are a top performer, what you can control is how you respond and how well prepared you are. You might spend less time in fear if you feel prepared.

All of the above requires effort, but just do it incrementally. Worry and missteps at work also require a lot of effort, but they generate very little value except for a costly lesson in learning to control your thoughts. You can pick that lesson up now. Don't wait.

[Crook32]

Originally Posted by imaginethat

Where I live, there are few jobs in my field. I really don't want to change professions. I'd have to find a company who would let me work at home.

I had a similar situation as you at work. Ever since I got my first job I was paranoid about getting fired. Then 17 years later my bosses started the process. Though instead of firing me because they were worried about getting sued they bullied and harassed me for 3 years. They withheld raises. But everything they did was my word against theirs. So I started looking for a new job but because I am in a small field it took me 3 years to find a job.

I wish I could have sued them but it was five against one and I had no proof. Now I have ptsd from the experience and it affects my new job. So I recommend documenting everything because it might put them on their heels if they know you are keeping notes. Look for a new job because it could take awhile to find one. Do not let it go on as long as I did. It is not worth it. I would have quit that job long ago if I knew what the aftermath would be. My boss actually said to me “It is unfair to the others that you are still working here”.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Crook32

I had a similar situation as you at work. Ever since I got my first job I was paranoid about getting fired. Then 17 years later my bosses started the process. Though instead of firing me because they were worried about getting sued they bullied and harassed me for 3 years. They withheld raises. But everything they did was my word against theirs. So I started looking for a new job but because I am in a small field it took me 3 years to find a job.

I wish I could have sued them but it was five against one and I had no proof. Now I have ptsd from the experience and it affects my new job. So I recommend documenting everything because it might put them on their heels if they know you are keeping notes. Look for a new job because it could take awhile to find one. Do not let it go on as long as I did. It is not worth it. I would have quit that job long ago if I knew what the aftermath would be. My boss actually said to me “It is unfair to the others that you are still working here”.

This is kind of what I was getting at. Thanks for sharing this, Crook. For me, the harrassment started slowly and built over time. I did all the things one is supposed to do in such situations, kept detailed notes and emails and so on. Documentation. Photos, even, in my case. But in the end, what I learned from all this is that, working at a place in which I must battle to keep my job is not any fun at all. I just left and started my own thing. I should have done it much earlier, as that new business really took off, once I was no longer constrained ny these morally bereft morons. Point is, the OP may well keep their own job, but it might not be a very siupportive work environment all the time, if they are, in fact, working to slowly push them out. But maybe they aren't doing this at all! Maybe there is nothing to it. I hope that is the case.

[xRavenx]

I'm sorry that you are going through this. I can see why some of this stems from your past job experience. It is triggering when you have problems with the next job. So remember that this job is different and focus on the fact that you were told that your job is not in jeopardy. Also, no one is perfect, and everyone makes mistakes on the job. I wish your therapist was more helpful. It was insensitive for her to say that and to make that assumption. I relate to the fact that my past job experience was terrible, and it has affected me when I made mistakes on the next job. I get extremely anxious when I make mistakes, but I just try to remind myself that it doesn't mean worst-case-scenario is going to happen (and it hasn't yet). So try to catch yourself when you are thinking the worst and remind yourself that nobody told you that your job is at risk. Please hang in there!

[imaginethat]

Originally Posted by TunedOut

Most corporations today keep a "prefiring" paper trail on all. They pull it out when they are planning to let people go (business downtowns, mergers, reorganizations implementing new CEOs vision/costcutting measures, etc.) If you are part of a union and possibly in some states, the paper trail does matter. I work in a state where companies can fire you anytime. When cutbacks are needed, I have seen people with perfect records let go along with those of us who struggled in some area at work. Unless you have done something truly wrong, the paper trail matters very little in the grand scheme of things. It is only one small piece of the puzzle concerning who ends up keeping their job and who is let go. Try to look at your job as a learning experience. Even if you are let go someday, the skills you are learning usually lead to other opportunities down the line. Both my husband and I have been rehired by employers who let us go from the company but then brought us back months or years later in other positions. It is just not in your control. Acceptance of this will help you enjoy your job more.

You're right about the value of gaining experience and increasing the opportunity of finding another job. That's a healthy way to look at it.

[imaginethat]

Originally Posted by xRavenx

I'm sorry that you are going through this. I can see why some of this stems from your past job experience. It is triggering when you have problems with the next job. So remember that this job is different and focus on the fact that you were told that your job is not in jeopardy. Also, no one is perfect, and everyone makes mistakes on the job. I wish your therapist was more helpful. It was insensitive for her to say that and to make that assumption. I relate to the fact that my past job experience was terrible, and it has affected me when I made mistakes on the next job. I get extremely anxious when I make mistakes, but I just try to remind myself that it doesn't mean worst-case-scenario is going to happen (and it hasn't yet). So try to catch yourself when you are thinking the worst and remind yourself that nobody told you that your job is at risk. Please hang in there!

I'll try to remember that. And it will probably take a while for me to believe it.