[xRavenx]

A big sign for me that I am getting manic is when I get obsessive or occasionally fanatical over something specific. Sometimes it's related to writing about a fantasy world that I create, and I get overly consumed by it to the point where I feel detached from reality. Other times, it's over a particular hobby, band, fandom, or (less commonly) through shopping.

It takes up too much time, energy, and sometimes money devoted to whatever it is I'm obsessing over. It's as if I always have to go to the extreme. I wish it were different, because I become so disconnected from not only my surroundings, but from people in general. Plus, eventually, I burn out, although sometimes I get overly attached to certain activities when depressed in order to provide me with comfort. Sometimes I feel odd as a result of this behavior and get embarrassed talking about it with my therapist.

Does anyone else relate to becoming overly involved in a certain activity during mania/hypomania/episodes?

[Victoria'smom]

My last hypomania I started creating a curriculum and a blog. It got so bad I stopped understand English. Even now weeks after I'm still having issues understand and communicating.

[bpcyclist]

This is all very familiar.

[Nammu]

Yup. I usually go to extremes with saving trees and other environmental stuff.

Once i got consumed by a grand renovation of my entire home including knocking down all the walls. I was on the Home Depot site day and night. Only the long delay between committing to the project and the actual work starting saved me. My hypomania burnt out and i came back down to Earth and realized how foolish it all was. I was able to cancel with no penalties and get my money back.

That's about the only time a single really big project has devoured me tho. Usually during hypomanias i get several small projects going at once so the potential for disaster is less. I'm sure your therapist has heard it a thousand times. As long as there are no permanent financial repercussions i think of it as somewhat of a vacation or more staycation. It's nice to take a break and have passions.

I got passionate about free public transit last Fall. I felt ashamed about getting so fervent about it for a while after but now it doesn't bother me, except for the meeting i had with my city councilor and the nonsense emails i sent after. I made a nuisance of myself. But like your therapist, i'm sure my city councilor deals with all sorts of zealous people so i try not to worry. I'll be fine as long as i don't have to see him and i don't anticipate ever having to.

Depression is boring but no one can say hypo/mania is not interesting! BIPOLAR: It's not all bad.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by whatever2013

Once i got consumed by a grand renovation of my entire home including knocking down all the walls. I was on the Home Depot site day and night. Only the long delay between committing to the project and the actual work starting saved me. My hypomania burnt out and i came back down to Earth and realized how foolish it all was. I was able to cancel with no penalties and get my money back.

That's about the only time a single really big project has devoured me tho. Usually during hypomanias i get several small projects going at once so the potential for disaster is less. I'm sure your therapist has heard it a thousand times. As long as there are no permanent financial repercussions i think of it as somewhat of a vacation or more staycation. It's nice to take a break and have passions.

I got passionate about free public transit last Fall. I felt ashamed about getting so fervent about it for a while after but now it doesn't bother me, except for the meeting i had with my city councilor and the nonsense emails i sent after. I made a nuisance of myself. But like your therapist, i'm sure my city councilor deals with all sorts of zealous people so i try not to worry. I'll be fine as long as i don't have to see him and i don't anticipate ever having to.

Depression is boring but no one can say hypo/mania is not interesting! BIPOLAR: It's not all bad.

Uh, boy...

xRavenx, I'm so glad you started a thread on this topic! I was thinking about this bipolar symptom just yesterday. I agree with the other posters above that many people with bipolar disorder can relate to this. Increase in goal/project directed activities is literally a symptom in the DSM-5 for bipolar disorder. I definitely experienced this symptom many times in my life. In fact, it was one of my more common ones. I have sometimes referred to the tunnel vision type focus as "hyperfocus", though that word is generally exclusively used for ADHD, or sometimes OCD. But I think simply referring to it with different words doesn't make it a different symptom. I realize that bipolar episodes can sometimes also cause symptoms where we can't focus. Like what rapid thinking might do. Or picturing ourselves racing around like chickens with our heads cut off, one second thinking about one thing, another seemingly four things at the same time.

Towards the end of my time at my last job, I was completely overwhelmed by the work I had to do. A huge part of that was my own fault. I had proposed a number of projects to improve communications for the company. Because they were all my ideas, I was tasked with implementing them (design, cooperation with IT, management of staff under me, content writing). It became like a tidal wave that overcame me. And that was right after another behemoth project I had completed. How one person could do so much is mind-boggling, when looking back! The extreme amount of information I memorized and utilized, the creative effort it took, the speed in which I implemented it It was like a race of a century for me, both psychologically and physically. Ideas, numbers, words, facts, strategies, typing, and images shooting around in my mind and out through my fingers, like sparks and explosions. And yet, there was still a central goal and I wouldn't and couldn't stop until I reached it.

It's no wonder that many people with bipolar disorder become unable to finish huge projects, especially if other responsibilities are assumed, as well. The mountain is too high. Extreme insanity fully set in. Eventual panic, mental overheating/spontaneous combustion. Avalanche. Screaming. Violence or self-harm. Fall into deep depression.

@bpcyclist: You wrote, "Uh, boy... " in response to my post. What is your meaning? As the Canadian philosopher Mark Kingfisher says, "If you don't say what you mean, you'll mean what i say." Right now i can't imagine anything good. Please explain.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by whatever2013

@bpcyclist: You wrote, "Uh, boy... " in response to my post. What is your meaning? As the Canadian philosopher Mark Kingfisher says, "If you don't say what you mean, you'll mean what i say." Right now i can't imagine anything good. Please explain.

Oh, sorry, watever. You just got me thinking about how I have glamorized my mania in the past, about how fabulous it was and is and, I guess, in a way, it is, of course, we all know this. And yet, it is also just so incredibly, staggeringly dangerous. At least for me, it has been. Always, incredible danger. I really should have died long ago from this illness. So, you took me down that rather painful memory lane of mine. All me, of course, not your stuff at all. Just me. Sorry for the opacity.

[fern46]

'It's no wonder that many people with bipolar disorder become unable to finish huge projects, especially if other responsibilities are assumed, as well. The mountain is too high. Extreme insanity fully set in. Eventual panic, mental overheating/spontaneous combustion. Avalanche. Screaming. Violence or self-harm.'

^^^^^^^ This

I am fairly ambitious in general. I'm known for my productivity and ability to multitask. Before I had my breakdown I was extremely caught up in an effort that there was no way possible for me to 'fix' despite my attempts to 'save' everyone involved. The hero complex was a major fail. I am no hero.

Luckily I did not suffer major depression afterward, but there was a huge mess to clean up, tons of shame to wade through, lots to learn, and many changes to make.

Some people call what I experienced 'the dark night of the soul'. My hyperfocus led me to it or at least blinded me such that I couldn't see it coming. The project of self transformation that resulted from it may just be my best work yet though. Who knows... Life is essentially one big project. This phase feels more rewarding and healthier than the last.

I think there is a lot of good that can come from these tendencies when we learn to channel and throttle them properly. We are so very passionate. That can be a gift to ourselves and the world when we learn to harness it for good and not destruction. It can be good when we can see the difference between real change that adds value and the dysfunction of the ego.

xRavenx, you have nothing to be embarassed about, but if you need a place to talk about this regularly, this is a good one. You're amongst friends that truly get it. Thanks for the thread.

[fern46]

Originally Posted by whatever2013

@bpcyclist: You wrote, "Uh, boy... " in response to my post. What is your meaning? As the Canadian philosopher Mark Kingfisher says, "If you don't say what you mean, you'll mean what i say." Right now i can't imagine anything good. Please explain.

Thanks for just asking instead of accusing or assuming. Very cool of you!

@fern46: Thanks Fern! It does take a bit of courage. This is the second time i have asked for clarification here and i did it once IRL and i have to say all three times it worked out great!

[*Beth*]

Absolutely. My insanely goal-directed activity almost always has to do with anger-fueled action. For example, I believe I have an amazing insight on how to make the world a better and more intellectually aware place, and go to extremes to prove that my mission is one everyone must understand.

I'm working hard, with meds and therapy, to recognize the start of such a destructive episode, step away from it, and stop it before it gets rolling.