[downersgoup]

I'm struggling right now with what I guess is a depressive episode (it's funny how I'll sometimes still be in denial about it), and I'm just bleh. Feeling awful. Angry, hopeless, empty. I've snapped at my partner, and I feel as if there's nothing to look forward to at all. I know this is just temporary, but man does it feel real.

[*Beth*]

I'm sorry, dg. What is your situation as far as mental health treatment?

[bpcyclist]

And when was last med tweak?

[Fuzzybear]

How is your self care? As in exercise, diet, communication with thoughtful others, (do you have friends you can vent to, online or other?) alcohol consumption (if any) I'm sorry, depression sucks. I hope you feel better soon.

Do you have a therapist?

Thanks for posting!

[Bugtussel]

I can't give you all the valuable tips and resources the above posters can. But what I can tell you is I am with you in feeling this way. Three weeks ago I was a productive joyful person. In the weeks since then I have slipped down in to the depression so that ADL are a challenge. Hope you can find some relief soon.

Hear ya, downersgoup. You're not alone. I hope things start to look up for you soon.

[downersgoup]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

And when was last med tweak?

I spoke to my psych about a week ago. I recently got off citalopram with her supervision, and it's been a mixed bag. Less feelings of flatness, but the dread and despair are definitely back. The lamotrigine helps to keep it from reaching the depths, but it still interferes with my daily routine. She's also recommended that I titrate up to 400mg of seroquel each day so as to get the therapeutic dose for depression, and that I should consider switching to lithium over lamotrigine. I don't know. This process is very exhausting right now, and I feel as if I've been in the hole for some time, even though it's only been about 2 weeks at this point. I also really need to quit smoking weed, which has been my only recreational substance for almost 6 months now. *shrug*

[downersgoup]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

How is your self care? As in exercise, diet, communication with thoughtful others, (do you have friends you can vent to, online or other?) alcohol consumption (if any) I'm sorry, depression sucks. I hope you feel better soon.

Do you have a therapist?

Thanks for posting!

Thanks Fuzzybear. I talk to my mom on the phone fairly regularly, but I definitely do need to diversify my support network. I feel bad for my partner needing to hear about it all the time. I do have a therapist, and a psych, and I'm trying to get into better eating habits. I kicked drinking about 6 months ago, but I've continued with pretty heavy cannabis use, and I'm planning on quitting that as well. Sometimes I get the urge to just burn my whole life down and start over, but I've done that so many times now that I know it isn't the right move.

[kedzz]

i know the feeling fam !!... just keep on keeping on and put god first

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by downersgoup

Sometimes I get the urge to just burn my whole life down and start over, but I've done that so many times now that I know it isn't the right move.

Interesting thought. What exactly do you mean by "burning down" your life?

[downersgoup]

I mean ending friendships, quitting jobs I like, breaking up with a partner, moving across the country, etc. Stability or consistency have never been my strong suits.

[*Beth*]

I'll just throw out that 2 years ago, after an IP stint, I was so severely depressed that I fairly begged my pdoc for ECT. She suggested we try 1 more antidepressant. I did, it is Pristiq, and it's been a miracle. Lamictal never helped my depression. Maybe give lithium a try for a few months, see how it is?

As for weed... I've always lived in NorCal, weed is everywhere and more-or-less legal now. I've had a number of friends with mental illnesses who smoke or consume weed regularly. I have never seen it benefit anyone's mind. It causes roller coaster moods and is not a good mix with psych meds.

I've also seen so-called "normal" people who were into weed become nutcases eventually. I know that's not a popular statement, but I am serious. I don't know whether the two people I have in mind had underlying mental illness, or what. But they were habitual weed this, weed that, and they both ended up very messed up. No other substances involved.


I believe that mj has a place for certain medical conditions. In my experience, it does not treat mental illness well. A few years ago I was smoking it now and then, trying to induce sleep, and I completely stopped because of the serious disorientation/mood swings it caused. Plus, ZzzQuil worked better for sleep

[bpcyclist]

Weed clearly is a cause of autism, which should give pause. Also, 30 percent of people whose first psychotic episode occurs while using mj go on to full-blown schizophrenia.

I am with Beth.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

Weed clearly is a cause of autism, which should give pause. Also, 30 percent of people whose first psychotic episode occurs while using mj go on to full-blown schizophrenia.

I am with Beth.

Yeah, this guy I knew...he grew weed and smoked it regularly. He was "normal", then at some point he began behaving a bit strangely, saying things that didn't fit the situation. Kept smoking because he said he felt anxious. Had a thing against big pharma and believed weed was The Answer to good mental health.

So I don't know what happened; I assume he had a propensity toward schizophrenia. But he was right around 30, job, life. Never had any mental health issues except anxiety. All of a sudden he just plain cracked up. Full-on schizophrenic, went IP. As soon as he got out he stopped meds, went back to weed. Don't know whatever happened to him, but I doubt it was too good.

[downersgoup]

Yeah, I've definitely noticed a difference in my mood stability since removing weed from the equation. Granted, it's only been a couple days, but doing my dishes no longer seems like an impossible task.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by downersgoup

Yeah, I've definitely noticed a difference in my mood stability since removing weed from the equation. Granted, it's only been a couple days, but doing my dishes no longer seems like an impossible task.

Hopefully a return to feeling motivated. Great!