[wildflowerchild25]

I know this isn’t the anxiety forum but I think this is related to bipolar as well so hopefully it doesn’t get moved.

So as I’ve been mentioning in the check in i am continuously getting more and more anxious. It has increased to daily panic attack (which I honestly don’t think I’ve ever had) and sickening anxiety for most of the day. I believe it’s work related as I have a student who is getting increasingly unstable and potentially violent. My team has my back but I’m still often alone with him in peer separation. I have a walkie on me at all times so I can call for stat assistance or even a Morgan stat if I need to and I know they would show up ASAP, but he’s big enough that I won’t be able to hold him by myself. The best I’ll be able to do is get out of his way and/or deflect punches/dodge objects.

Supposedly he wasnt even supposed to come back without psychiatric clearance but there was a miscommunication between the social worker, his boss, and the parent. We can’t contact the parent right now because our communication system was hacked (the entire company across the whole county, not just us) so their Is no email contact and no way to make phone calls out. Admin has said we cannot use our school gmail or personal phones for contact.

I know this is what I signed up for and honestly it’s still the best job I’ve ever had, but with my own mental health issues it seems to be destabilizing me. I’m not depressed or mixed/manic, just crippling anxiety. I really feel increasingly out of control.

I have a pdoc appt on Tuesday, I plan on asking for a benzo for the panic attacks and maybe something else to help me longer term (dunno what that would be though). In the meantime I am looking for suggest on how to manage this for at least the next five days. I don’t want to take time off, I only have one day of PTO saved up. I do plan on contacting HR when email is up and running again. This hospital network has an employee assistance program that might be able to help.

I cannot do anything that focuses on my breathing, it just makes me panic more. There are no thoughts attached to the anxiety so I can’t do CBT to confront them or even DBT. I did do yoga yesterday and it helped but sitting on the floor wrecked my back so I have to rest a couple of days.

What techniques do you all use? Maybe progressive muscle relaxation? I’m not sure what I can do at work though. If I’m dealing with my student I must be alert so I can’t focus on an object or do grounding exercises until I’m alone.

I’m open to any and all suggestions!!!

[bpcyclist]

Is there any time to meditate quietly for maybe, five minutes?

[wildflowerchild25]

I mean, maybe? I do have A half hour lunch break that I always spend in my car so I can be away from all the noise. My therapist recommended happy not perfect, they have short meditations on things like that. Maybe I should try that during my break to recenter myself.

I might also ask for coverage for five or ten minutes so I can take a brisk walk around the parking lot.

[fern46]

So sorry you're feeling this way. Anxiety is incredibly uncomfortable.

It sounds like the worst case scenario is help comes quickly and the boy will be removed. That isn't great, but it is survivable. It is doable. At least you don't have to fear the unknown.

I learned this technique in IP. It helps to calm you and focus your thoughts on something else. Maybe you could try it during short breaks?

Five-Finger Relaxation Technique | Human Resources | Nebraska.

[wildflowerchild25]

Ooh that looks very helpful! You’re right, I’m not too worried about violence because I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t come at me in the sense of attacking me with punches/kicks. I think if anything it would flying objects, and he’s not strong enough to throw anything like a desk.

It’s just wearing. And honestly he reminds me of me in the way he talks and what he shares with me about his thoughts and feelings. I remember feeling all those things at one point or another very vividly and he could be triggering my memories of those horrible times in my life.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

I mean, maybe? I do have A half hour lunch break that I always spend in my car so I can be away from all the noise. My therapist recommended happy not perfect, they have short meditations on things like that. Maybe I should try that during my break to recenter myself.

I might also ask for coverage for five or ten minutes so I can take a brisk walk around the parking lot.

Meditation has massive comforting and healing properties, neurochemically. It grows happy brain tissue and connections, releases calming molecule of peace and love. On and on. All, totally, supergeekily, scientifically proven. Might be worth the investment.

[*Beth*]

I'm repeating myself from check-in, but I believe that you know there is a chance you could be physically harmed. I think your anxiety, at least what it sounds like to me, is the result of a fight-or-flight response. Most of the time anxiety needs to be treated because it's unrealistic. Sometimes anxiety is telling us we really are in danger and need to be distanced from the dangerous situation.

If someone is going to hit you on the head with a hammer I wouldn't tell you how to cope with the anxiety of knowing the hammer is coming down, I'd tell you not to be there for the hammering.

I'm sorry if this isn't much help, but I am truly concerned about your safety and I think you are, too.

[fern46]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

Ooh that looks very helpful! You’re right, I’m not too worried about violence because I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t come at me in the sense of attacking me with punches/kicks. I think if anything it would flying objects, and he’s not strong enough to throw anything like a desk.

It’s just wearing. And honestly he reminds me of me in the way he talks and what he shares with me about his thoughts and feelings. I remember feeling all those things at one point or another very vividly and he could be triggering my memories of those horrible times in my life.

That's very insightful. You got through those times though and you've grown into such a beautiful hearted person. I imagine perhaps there might be something from your personal experience that can really help this boy at some point. Triggers suck, but we can also see them like alarm clocks just letting us know to pay attention. Maybe that's all this is, an alert to let you know there's something in him like you. If that's true he could also overcome it one day.

I don't want to discount what you're feeling. It's very real. Perhaps there are just alternate perspectives to blend in that help things feel a bit less alarming.

I hope today is better for you.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by fern46

So sorry you're feeling this way. Anxiety is incredibly uncomfortable.

It sounds like the worst case scenario is help comes quickly and the boy will be removed. That isn't great, but it is survivable. It is doable. At least you don't have to fear the unknown.

I learned this technique in IP. It helps to calm you and focus your thoughts on something else. Maybe you could try it during short breaks?

Five-Finger Relaxation Technique | Human Resources | Nebraska.

How brilliant! Neurochemically,? Genius. Just genius. Kinda like EMDR.

[Coolbreeze74]

Originally Posted by fern46

So sorry you're feeling this way. Anxiety is incredibly uncomfortable.

It sounds like the worst case scenario is help comes quickly and the boy will be removed. That isn't great, but it is survivable. It is doable. At least you don't have to fear the unknown.

I learned this technique in IP. It helps to calm you and focus your thoughts on something else. Maybe you could try it during short breaks?

Five-Finger Relaxation Technique | Human Resources | Nebraska.

I'm going to try that next time I have a panic attack! What a cool technique...

What helps me is counting by 10s to 200, counting by 2s to 100. I then repeat it over and over. My panic attacks last for 4-6, hours so its beyond terrifying. Also focusing on one object and describing every detail of it in my head. I always have lavender the essential oil on me. I bought 2 things of it, so I keep one in my purse. Smelling it helps a little. I feel for you anxiety is awful...

[Crazy Hitch]

I’m sorry you’re going through this. I don’t have advice. I taught at a school for students with emotional and behaviour issues a few years back and it eventually made me manic.

It’s really important that you find yourself a good support structure at your school. A buddy a peer whoever you can debrief with after this student displays undesirable behaviours.

You got this!