[imaginethat]

How do you know when it's time to get your sister out of your life?

My sister is the most hateful, defensive, sensitive, mean person I've ever known. I see no reason to have a relationship with her because she causes me so much anguish and mental distress.

I've tried having a relationship with her for decades. Every time, the same BS happens. I think it's time to sever ties with her. However, my mom disagrees and thinks I should put up with my toxic sister's behavior because, after all, she's my sister. I told her I wouldn't accept ANYONE in my life who treated me like that. She simply doesn't understand. The thing is that my sister treats her like s$#te and she appears to accept it.

Is this a case where I really should keep my sister in my life and forgive her behavior? I don't understand why I should be treated more poorly by my sister than a regular person off the street or any of my friends.

[sarahsweets]

I think a lot of times when it involves families we think we should put up with more than we actually should. In fact our family is who we should put up with toxicity the least! Other family members then try to guilt us into staying in the toxic relationship because of their own issues. Remember it is your mothers issues it is not your issues. I’m guessing you’ve had discussions in arguments with your sister before about all of this. With that in mind I would suggest you give her a final ultimatum.

No more of the toxic behavior nastiness and childishness. Tell her if she continues to do that you will no longer take her calls, communicate with her, social media anything with her, or have any sort of relationship with her ever again. Make sure she understands the seriousness of this she may not and she may continue right then in there with her toxic behavior but is important to state exactly what you were looking for. The minute she reverts back to that behavior tell her that you warned her, that you told her how you wanted to be treated, and that she wasn’t treating you that way, and then tell her this is the last time you will speak to her. I know it’s not easy to book the trend with your sister and family members. But it is your mental health and your very soul that is being harmed. And don’t let anyone tell you differently. It’s very hard to let go of family members but imagine the peace you will have when you do.

[Trippin2.0]

I have a "brother" I haven't spoken to in years. Completely toxic person and I don't entertain toxicity.

I have a sister who I'm the process of freezing out, but that was mostly instigated by her and I have zero problem with playing along.

I don't by that whole BS of family forever blah blah blah, toxic is toxic no matter how we are related and toxic people get booted out of my life.

Then again I find it easier than most people I know to cut people off completely... I have a "the world is a black and white problem"

I would not put up with your sister were I in your shoes, you deserve better.... Just saying.

[Fuzzybear]

I have a (half) ''brother'' who cut me out completely. I think he has severe NPD. He didn't even know me. I guess I do see him as ''all black'' now or close to that. I was only ever kind to him. Grrrrrrrrrrrr

I wouldn't put up with your sister as things are. But I'm not sure that I would cut her out completely. If she is not willing to change though.. maybe I would.

[bpcyclist]

Have not spoken to my brother in 10 yrs. Love him so much. Totally forgive him. Maybe a miracle could happen. Gonna write him again. He never replies.

[fern46]

If you allow the relationship to continue you can push back hard and demand better, or adjust your expectations so that her behavior does not affect you so deeply. Both options have pros and cons.

As for cutting someone out, that is a very difficult road. You'll always wonder what would be if you had stayed in the relationship and you'll always feel a void. It is very difficult for other family members as well. Sometimes this is the best way given the alternatives.

An alternative would be to let your sister know you need a break. Explain to her that her behavior is undesirable and that you need time away to get perspective.

If you go either of the routes that pushes her away for some time, try to do it with grace and mercy. Tearing her down on the way out won't serve anyone and a peaceful exit makes it easier to come back together in the future in the event things change.

It is incredibly difficult to know which decision is best. I would sit with each option for a day or so and imagine it were true. If it feels wrong, it's wrong. If you can live with it, it may be a viable option.

I wish you the best with this. I know personally how difficult this can be.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by fern46

If you allow the relationship to continue you can push back hard and demand better, or adjust your expectations so that her behavior does not affect you so deeply. Both options have pros and cons.

As for cutting someone out, that is a very difficult road. You'll always wonder what would be if you had stayed in the relationship and you'll always feel a void. It is very difficult for other family members as well. Sometimes this is the best way given the alternatives.

An alternative would be to let your sister know you need a break. Explain to her that her behavior is undesirable and that you need time away to get perspective.

If you go either of the routes that pushes her away for some time, try to do it with grace and mercy. Tearing her down on the way out won't serve anyone and a peaceful exit makes it easier to come back together in the future in the event things change.

It is incredibly difficult to know which decision is best. I would sit with each option for a day or so and imagine it were true. If it feels wrong, it's wrong. If you can live with it, it may be a viable option.

I wish you the best with this. I know personally how difficult this can be.

Good post. I rarely cut anyone out. They all cut me out. I am not sure why (except I was a bear cub and they are all humans )

[bpcyclist]

Stick with us, Fuzzy.

[imaginethat]

Thanks everyone for sharing your stories. We have all dealt with a lot. Now though I feel like I have some good ideas.

It's comforting that I'm not the only one with this issue, but I wish we didn't have to go through it.