Crazy Hitch - High school teacher

Good luck today at your psych appointment! Let me know how it goes Not sure if I told you how disappointed I was with my daughter's appointment. No meds. And my ex-husband I think has relayed the message incorrectly. Diagnosed as being hypomanic but not bipolar. Like what the heck. How are you one and not the other!

Awww bows for your daughter! That's what little girls are great for! My daughter used to put on her fairy princess outfit when she was much younger when we were going out to the store. It didn't bother me. Once she made me Dora the Explorer necklace with big Dora charms and made me wear it to the store. Not like I didn't get a lot of stares but oh well she was probably dressed up in one of her favourite outfits.

Yes our paid time here is really good for pregnancy / once you've had your baby. 50% of my pay came from my employer and the gap was paid by centrelink so I got 6 months off without noticing a dent in my pay check. I took off 7 months but I really noticed that last month with no salary. I did quite a few jobs on AirTasker. Mostly writing resumes for people so it was the odd job here and the odd job there.

I didn't see the star either but I saw some pictures on Facebook. Looked good actually. Would have been nice if your husband asked you to go check it out.

One of my students gave me a really nice travel coffee mug that keeps it pretty hot too that I use in my car. When I arrive at work at 7:30am an hour later it's still hot - if I have any left that is!

Ha yep religion seems to be a common theme. Gifted would be about the word I would use to describe it as well! My old psychologist a few years back told me that when she was doing practice in a psych ward there were 2 people there who believed they were Jesus. Lol yup.

Awwww sorry to hear about your dogs. Oh flees are the worst once you get them! I had an infestation once years back but fortunately managed to keep it under control. I don't know when last I took my small dog to the park but the labrador goes to the park with my partner every now and again. When I moved home after my ex and I divorced I originally had 3 dogs but rehomed one because I just couldn't take care of 3 pets. I still think about her often and I feel so bad having done it but it was the right decision. Your decision was the right decision at the time too.

I've signed up to watch this documentary called Unsinkable the Secret to bouncing back that I'm going to be watching pretty soon. I'll let you know if it's any good I don't know! Here's the link and I hope it's not a scam but it seems legit. You have to sign up with a time that you want to watch it

UNSINKABLE: The Secret to Bouncing Back

Hope your day went okay

Good morning! It might be that by the time you read this. It’s 7:40am here. I had about the same amount of sleep but no stomach pains thankfully. I was up after almost 2 hours of sleep then I got about 3 1/2 hours. After that it’s always very light sleep or being awake. Then I’m fully awake until I decide to check my phone. You are the main person I chat with online. I have a best friend that we check in with each other here and there but I know I wear her out with my illness and then I have a cousin who also checks in with me but we don’t talk all the time. She’s busy with work and her family. I do talk to my mom almost everyday. She’s been the best person in my life that never gets tired of listening. She’s still in a depression too so we are there for each other. I still don’t know how she does it.... years without BP and never on meds!

He wasn’t wearing the ring again! 😢 I just don’t know how to bring it up.... ask him where it is or why he took it off or ask if he lost it. Maybe if he lost it? It just breaks my heart that he would take it off days before Christmas.... he could have waited at least!! So I ended up buying him a battery charger for his car. He was talking about getting one. I just hope I bought the right one. I may still do the frame and have him open it up before the kids get here. I asked his daughter and she said she doesn’t know how he will react. She also said we need alone time and she could watch the baby but I don’t know if that will help. She’s sweet... she also said we could do something for Valentine’s Day... he won’t even go to bass pro shop which is a hunting store he loves... I tried to go with him a couple of days ago since they have this aquarium with big fish that our daughter loves..... but he said no. I can’t remember what my oldest daughter said about the frame. I guess it can’t hurt too much. I just want him to know that I’m still the same person I was back then. I think he just doesn’t feel that way anymore. He used to do anything for me and I had my way a lot. He spoiled me so much and I did do a lot for him too but I don’t know if I did enough. So I try really hard to do more now and I’m not sure if it annoys him or what. My life is just so frustrating....

Lol I know how it is trying to text when the little one won’t let you. Mine tells me to put it down or tries to grab it so I don’t really get a chance to much when she’s awake! Yup I have to scroll back and forth to re-read the message to respond! I have an apple X plus but the screen is still much smaller than my mac.

Poor baby! My little one throws tantrums also! I know how it is. Her head bumps are usually from being clumsy though. I’m sure she’s had some bruises from fits too!

Lol their eating habits sound similar! She used to try and eat anything. She loved avocado and now wont touch it! If she doesn’t like something she spits it out or won’t even try it. I think some of her diet changed after I went to the hospital. My mom and me weren’t there to cook different foods and my husband said she would eat what he made so he mostly gave her chicken nuggets and fries! I never gave her fast food before that and now that’s what she prefers, but mostly just fries now!

Aww she just cuddled up on my arm. She passed out before 8pm last night so she will probably be up soon.

So they ended up accidentally scheduling me with the nurse again instead of the psych so they had to reschedule it! I’m just glad I’m not feeling too low right now. Even my daughters said I was laughing and seemed better so that made me feel better. My step daughter also said her boyfriend also noticed that I seemed better. That was one of my wishes that I could get back into the holiday spirit.... I was able to get all of my baby’s gifts and wrap them. I saw my husband look at the gifts but he didn’t say anything. In the past he always said something and picked them up and asked who they were for. He just walked past them like he didn’t care or pretended not to notice.

Hmm hypomanic? Is that what your husband said or the dr? Yea that doesn’t exist by itself that I know of... basically what goes up must come down. Speaking of I meant to ask you. After your last manic episode did you go through a depression or did the meds prevent it?

Aww the Dora the Explorer necklace sounds sweet!! I know you must have had fun with your daughter and bows! I know I did with my first and my baby... I just need to get back into it!!

Oh wow that’s some good time off!!! I know most countries give lots more time than the US!! It’s all about getting back to work here... even when someone dies they only give 3 days!

Yea I thought he was going to ask me.... but he keeps distancing himself more and more from me.... it’s going to be odd Christmas Day also because I’m pretty sure he didn’t get anything for me.... which I really don’t care but it will be the first time in 10 years....

That’s so nice of your student! I got a coffee cup one year! This year I got one gift from a student, I totally did not expect anything this year, it was a 20 dollar gift card to Target. Not sure if you have them in Australia but it’s a store my older daughter works at...

Lol there was a guy at the hospital I was at that said he was Jesus. He said God was revealing these scrolls to him. Before he started saying all that I played volleyball with him and he seemed normal... but then he started preaching to everyone.. I told him it wasn’t true. Every time he tried to tell me something i counteracted it and I wouldn’t listen like the other patients did. He got mad and walked away. He couldn’t convince me lol!

Thank you! Yea I think my dogs went to some good homes so that’s what brings me relief about it!

How was the documentary? I started watching Virgin River a series on Netflix. It’s ok, just keeps me from thinking too much!

My wiggle worm is about to wake up and I need to go the the bathroom (aka toilet) and get some coffee! Chat soon!

Hi Nao! Christmas eve here. You might not hear from me for a day or so because I'll be at my partner's folks tomorrow. I've got my eldest 2 coming over for a pancake breakfast in the morning and they'll be at my place later on this evening. Going to use them as an excuse to leave his folks place a bit early. Sigh. I miss my own parents Christmas traditions where my dad would cook so must roast meat you'd have leftovers for a week! They used to have a swimming pool so we'd spend the day by the pool just feasting on barbecues and Christmas pudding and my mother makes the most devine christmas cake that's to die for! His folks are very "proper" and always use the finest of cutlery for every occasion. I'm surprised my son hasn't broken something by now! Even though I've been pretty good with my diet tomorrow it's going to have to go out the window. No ways am I making a bunch of pancakes and not having one with Nutella and bananas and whipped cream inside!

I went shopping with my eldest 2 for Christmas earlier and we honestly couldn't find anything. My son wanted a pair of these expensive runners (he does a lot of running and cycling) but low and behold none of the stores had his size. My ex husband and I have gone halves on a hair straightener for my daughter that she wanted (we never do gift sharing so that's a first since the divorce) and then she chose a top. So nothing elaborate. I also bought her a bath gift set from one of my students that runs her own business. My son isn't phased that he's not getting anything Christmas day he told me to just put it towards his 21st that's coming up in February.

That documentary is good if you want to listen to the first 1 hour and 15 minutes. After that it's just her selling her program. Knew there had to be a catch in there somewhere. I watched a few spinoff YouTube videos on rewiring the conscious mind to control our negative thoughts - actually more of the science behind it to stop the intrusive thoughts. It was good yesterday but I'm having a lot of unwanted thoughts today. It's like a record player stuck on repeat that plays throughout the day in my mind. Like can I actually go back to work next year - as in will I cope. I know I shouldn't think like that. Fortunately I've made an appointment with my psychologist on 4th January. I've had to bite the bullet with the fees and I'm just going to have to pay it. I only go back to work 27 January but my brain feels like such a mess. So many triggers there and even though the ex principal is gone there are just so many reminders and I need my psychologist's help on how to deal with it otherwise I'll land up being a basket case.

It's really good that you can speak to your mother. I don't speak to mine about the "tough" stuff and she has no idea what I've been through this year.

Awww no he still has the ring off If you want to you can ask him but the thing is you might not hear the answer you want to hear so maybe wait until right after Christmas. If you can cope a few more days. Just does seem strange that in the midst of everything going on in your relationship suddenly the ring disappears. Good idea about the battery I like it and wow if you can take up the babysitting offer so the 2 of you can go out I'd say go for it!

It's good that people are noticing the change in your mood. If others see it that's a definite positive sign. My psychiatrist always asks me how my relationship is and if my partner says anything about my mood. Actually my partner told me earlier I'm in "one of those moods" because I'm pissed off that yesterday he went shopping for his folks, brother, nieces etc and only came back with gift vouchers for everyone from the same store. Grrrrr. 4 hours and he couldn't pick a gift. So when I was at the store today looking for my kids i had to get his folks gifts. Just annoys me.

During my manic episode 2015 yes I hit severe depression and I mean severe to the point of being as dysfunctional as I was during my mania to being dysfunctional with depression. This time around I've had bad days with intrusive thoughts but not full blown depression no. My mood is still a bit wonky. A bit up a bit down. I don't think I'm totally "stable" but certainly a lot more stable than the last few months.

Okay my Mac is literally having toys thrown all over it and he keeps grabbing the screen! Have a super duper Christmas Eve and I'll let you know how my Christmas Day went in my next post As they say eat drink and be merry!

Hello my wonderful friend! Merry Christmas! I’ve been so busy the last couple of days! I hope you had a wonderful Christmas with family!! Mine was good. My oldest daughter and her boyfriend plus my 2 step daughters, another boyfriend, granddaughter, husband, and my 2 year old all celebrated Christmas morning with breakfast burritos and gifts. I had a better time than I expected and felt more in the Christmas spirit than I thought I would. I ended up giving the frame and card with to my husband Christmas Eve. It didn’t change anything between us sadly... we talked for about 2 or 3 hours. He said he didn’t take the frame when he moved out because he thought it didn’t mean anything to him since I had told him we should have only been friends and never got married. I told him I wanted to remind him if when I did give him that frame and that was me and I did love him. He said he’s struggling with understanding who he is and what he wants. He does have a temper and he said he had to learn how to deal with it so he could be a better husband but he doesn’t want counseling..... he also said he wants space but doesn’t tell me to leave for 2 reasons, one he doesn’t want me to get more depressed and two he doesn’t want to be away from our daughter.... but he thinks space is what will help him. So now I’m battling with what to do. I think he’s leaving it up to me in a way and I feel stuck because I don’t want the separation, definitely don’t want to be more sad, and can’t stand the thought of sharing our daughter....

Pancakes sound so good right now!! So does Roast meat!! Wow that’s a lot of meat!! Barbecues by the pool for Christmas sounds so funny! Here we pray for snow!! Except we don’t get very much if it here, maybe every few years if we are lucky! So I only started eating Nutella maybe 10 years ago, I don’t know how long it’s been around but never tried it in pancakes, that sounds good! I like pecans in my pancakes with syrup.

Aww that stinks you couldn’t find anything for your son. Older kids are so much more difficult to shop for! Fortunately my older daughter and step daughter have hobbies so it had to click in my brain what to get them. At first I was clueless and putting random gift sets in the basket till a lightbulb went off. I got my older daughter knitting yarn. She’s very talented at sewing and knitting. I’ll have to take pictures and post them if the 2 blankets she made for my 2 year old. Then for one of my step daughters she’s been making earrings out of beads, so I bought her a bunch of different ones. For my other daughter I bought her a couple of shirts... she’s a lot more difficult to buy for! Then it was a bunch of toys did the little ones. My 2 yr old daughter had so many gifts to open we left some for later so we could go visit her 2 paternal grandmothers. His mom made a steak roast or something like that.. rib-eye roast I think, mashed potatoes, green beans, and a pumpkin pie. I’m glad they still love me despite everything.

That’s good that you liked the documentary, maybe some will stick with you and help in the long run. Also try some meditation too, maybe even to put you to sleep and then the psychiatrist... you will get back and your mind will be clear, I know it! I hate those intrusive thoughts too!! What I do a lot of the time is play a game on my phone. I don’t think when I’m playing. But I can’t play it around my husband too much because it annoys him. I play it a lot at school on my breaks. When I’m teaching I’m ok or lesson planning usually ok, but any down time I play the game... but I may start doing more meditation too.

Oh the ring! I asked him before Christmas. I ended up saying that I noticed he wasn’t wearing it. He said he took it off to mix the meat and lost it. He said he tried looking for it but couldn’t find it. I joked and said maybe we ate it and he said ya. He hasn’t mentioned it again. I know in the past how much that ring meant to him and he would have never misplaced it!! I don’t know if he’s telling the truth or not. 😢

4 hours?!! I’d be upset too!! But I take forever when I shop so usually it would be my husband being mad at me, but at least I’d come home with actual gifts! I ended up getting nice candles for his mom and grandma. My husband didn’t get anything for them.

How long did your depression last in 2015? That’s so good that you didn’t go into a major one this time. If my mom hits mania and always goes into a depression.

Alright so let me know about your Christmas! Have an amazing day! ❤️

Hi Nao! Glad to hear it sounds like you had a good Christmas and were in better spirits than you thought you would be! That’s great! Onwards and upwards from here.

I’ll try answer most of what you wrote but I’m on a small screen again on my ip so I have to keep scrolling up and down to read.

It’s good that you and your husband managed to speak for such a long time. Keep the communication open that’s a good thing. When I went through my divorce my ex and I hardly spoke.

I was very young with my ex husband and after our son was born I moved back in with my folks because it was non stop arguing. I think it was also the stress of being a first time mother and being so young. It did a lot of positives for our relationship. It gave us the space that we needed. I can totally understand why you wouldn’t want a separation. I would be devastated if my partner and I separated. I don’t know what would happen with my son but I also know financially I absolutely couldn’t afford it. Sometimes I feel like we’re more house sharing than partners but that’s a whole other conversation. When I found out my ex husband was having an affair and we went through a divorce I took out a years subscription to eharmony and that’s how my partner and I matched. I don’t know that I had all sparks flying but I do know that by that stage I was desperately lonely. My ex husband had been “absent” for almost a year. Practically never at home. I remember a few nights of him coming in through the front door at 6:00am in the morning telling me he had slept in the office. Yeah right! Then he moved out and initially refused to tell me where he was living and would pick up the kids and drop them off. 3 weeks after he had moved out he gave me his address. I rocked up there unannounced and practically barged my way through the front door. The main bedroom was on the right hand side as you walked in and the cupboard was open and I saw female dresses hanging up. And that was basically us done and dusted. Sold our house divided the assets and the rest is history. Sorry I got a bit derailed there and off topic!

Yeah I used to play a lot of games on my phone too. I pop in to the chat room here to pass the time when I’m on holiday. I’ve done meditation but I always find it only helps me in the moment. I’ve tried using it like focusing on my breathing when I can feel myself stressed but it’s not the same. Ughhh I wish there was a quick fix. I was on antidepressants before I got manic and they’re also prescribed for anxiety but I had to abruptly stop them. I had been on them for years. I really want to ask my psychiatrist about them but I almost guarantee he’ll say no especially since I’ve stopped my antipsychotics. Don’t think he’ll be happy about that one either!

My depression in 2015 lasted a good few months b it was also caught up in the midst of my divorce so the timing truly sucked. Not that there’s ever a good time for divorce! I forgot if you said any of the meds you’re on are antidepressants.

Okay my partner has my son outside and I can hear him screaming. Need to go see what he’s up to.

Chat soon 😊

Sorry it took me a bit to respond!! I haven’t been on the forum and was playing a lot with my daughter plus binge watching Haven. Netflix said they were taking it off in January so I just had to watch it till the end lol. How was your New Years? Mine was in bed watching Haven. I’ve been sleeping close to 7 hours now but going to bed around 1:30am. I have got to get to bed earlier tonight since I go back to work in 2 days!! I can’t believe my break is already over. They always seem to go by too quickly. I’m trying to tell myself to look forward to going back to work but it’s hard. I’m getting 3 new classes of students so maybe I’ll get lucky with some good ones.

So the ring... I found it about a week ago under the microwave. I didn’t know if I should tell him or not so I waited. Three days ago I pulled it out slightly to see if he would find it and then the next morning he used the microwave. I checked and it looked like it got pushed a little back under. Not sure if he did it on purpose or accident. Then yesterday he had to lift and move the microwave. I didn’t even think anything if it even when I went into the kitchen and the countertops were bare. My older daughter, step daughter, and their boyfriends were over. When they left he told me he found the ring. I said, oh good!! But when I looked down at his hand he wasn’t wearing it..... once a week I leave and go to my house to do laundry. I spend the night at my house then go back to his. So I’m at my house this morning. I’ll let you know if he’s wearing it when I go back to his apartment. I don’t think he will be. 😢

I know I’m watching a bunch of stuff and playing games to not deal with or think about my life and problems.... it helps me get by each day. I’m just scared about facing some of them. I got brave and talked to my husband about where we stand, but there’s still not any resolution because he says he doesn’t know what he wants. So I just keep going and staying with him in a strange marriage, but I don’t know if that is doing any good. I just don’t want the separation from my daughter. She’s super attached to me. Yesterday we both asked her if she wanted to stay with her dad or go with me. He asked first and she said “go with momma” so I asked her just to see if that would change her mind and she was persistent and kept saying “go with momma.” I keep remembering how I had to go to the hospital and how CPS kept us separated for 2 months and what my husband told me about how she was traumatized when I left. I feel like I’d be abandoning her if I let our marriage fail.... i just can’t be separated from her again. It would break me again.

Wow - I just can’t believe what your ex husband put you through!! Going to that address reminds me of what my sister did also when her ex was cheating! Her ex had a mistress while my sister was in the hospital delivering his 3rd child!! She did the same thing and found stuff in his apartment that belonged to the mistress! Men can be such idiots and jerks!!

Did you ask your psychiatrist about the meds? Speaking of... my appointment never happened! They said I didn’t fill out these online forms which I did and then filled out a second time. I waited on the virtual appointment for an hour and nobody pooped in so I called the office and they said I was a “no-show” in the system. So I complained then they came back and said I didn’t fill out the paperwork, then came back and said I filled it out too late. So I had to reschedule to the beginning of February!! So I’m stuck on lithium till then.

Ok I’m about to get up and make coffee. It’s already 10am here! I hope you had a good New Years!!!

*bump
How are you my wonderful friend?

Heyyyyy Nao! Sorry I’ve been AWOL. Was trying to do some last minute things with my family. My partner went back to work today and my son’s gone back to daycare.

What’s news my side? I’m day 13 smoke free! Wearing patches and chewing gum and still craving quite a bit. I’ve been using the money I would be blowing on smoking to treat myself. Just for this month then I’ll save it. I went for a haircut yesterday and I’m doing a keratin treatment tomorrow so that should make me feel a bit better.

I saw my psychiatrist today. I’ve been sleeping 11 hours at night and another 1-2 hours during the day. He says I’m depressed. He’s changed my meds - or added on should I say. So I’m still on lamotragine but he’s readded cymbalta an antidepressant. I had to go off cymbalta when I went manic. I was on it for years for anxiety. He said I must give it 2 weeks and if it’s still not working he’s given me a script for abilify. He said I must go back and see him if I do need to start the abilify.

My dilemma is that schools go back in 2 weeks and I told him I really don’t want to go back. He said he doesn’t do work cover claims and that if I don’t go back the Department of Education might make me see an external psychiatrist and then all my records will be out there. I don’t know what to do. I can’t dump it on my principal last minute. Think I’ll see my gp next week because either way she needs to give me a clearance certificate to return to work full time. She would also need to be the one to deem me fit / unfit. The catch is my position of responsibility as a Y7 coordinator. If I don’t go back I think I’ll lose it. They can’t have someone on and off who’s unreliable with attendance. So I don’t know!

How’s your sleeping going? I haven’t seen Haven but omg Bridgerton was awesome. I binge watched that in just a few days. Soo good.

How’s work been since you’ve been back? Any nice classes? Hopefully you have some good ones! I’m looking forward to what I call the Honeymoon phase where the kids in new classes are well behaved in the beginning. Or at least I can hope right!

It sounds like your husband definitely lost the ring otherwise he wouldn’t have mentioned it. Has he been wearing it?

Have things improved in your relationship? It’s really difficult with a 2 year old in the middle especially because she’s attached to you. My son is a lot like that. He’s such a mommas boy.

Hang in there until February when you get to see your psychiatrist. Hopefully the lithium is working...or just a little bit!!!

Oh my gosh that is such wonderful news!!! They say it takes days to start a new habit so you are almost there!!! You got this!! And such a wonderful idea to give yourself rewards. I totally need a haircut and dye! I’ve been putting it off because of this depression..... but good news, I think I’m on the uphill for real this time!! So I may be getting a haircut soon also! I finally love my job again so I know I’m feeling better! Also, for the last 2 weeks I’ve been getting more sleep. It started increasing to 5-6 hours and the last 4 days I’ve been getting 7-8 hours!!!! Straight too without waking up and without meditation!! I feel like my mood is back to normal. I just don’t want to jinx it so I haven’t talked about it too much because I wanted to see if it would last and so far it has. I think it started feeling better after the break and when I started classes again.

Classes are going very well. It’s nice to have new students and feel like I’m having a do-over. I’m glad that I’ve pushed myself to teach even when I thought I hated it. It was sooooo hard at the beginning of the year but I fought through the depression and I’m so freaking glad I did.

That’s tough they are putting you on new meds right before school starts again. I know it takes awhile for them to kick in. I never found the right anti-depressant and just rode the wave of it. I don’t recommend doing it, but I had my mom to go through it with me. I think she’s coming out of her depression too. It took me 6 months!! If you are in one I pray you do not go through it as long as I did.

I saw the icon for Bridgerton on Netflix and thought about binging it. I may have to now. What about Outlander? Have you seen that? Omg it was really good!! But Netflix only had 3 seasons here and there are supposed to be 6!

He put the ring in the medicine cabinet and isn’t wearing it. I’m not even going to bring it up anymore. I’m going to not stress or worry about it. It is what it is I suppose. I think the more I don’t cry over him or try to convince him of my love and just enjoy my feeling of normalcy then maybe he will consider making things work. I don’t know. But I do plan on getting strong enough to feel like I can live on my own without a marriage if that’s what ends up happening. I just sucks he cant trust me. Our anniversary is 2/29, so that will be my last attempt to see if he will come around, then I give up.

Yes it is hard with a 2 year old and trying to have a relationship when they are right there lol... but even if she wasn’t at home for the night I don’t know if he would be in any sort of mood for romance. It’s been so long for that sadly....

I don’t know how much the lithium is working. I’ve been on it 6 months!! So if it is, then it takes a long time to kick in. Or maybe for me it will just prevent mania, don’t know, but I do plan on asking for a med change. Especially since I don’t know how effective it is anyway.

Hang in there too, I know you can go back to work and do your best!! Remember it’s hard for other people to tell that anything is going on with us because it’s all inside. Nobody at my job figured it out and I was in a severe depression. Let me know what you decide!! Have an amazing day/night!