[MuddyBoots]

Anyone else intentionally sabotage their stability because you feel like that's what you deserve? Like you're doing well and just get hit with a strong urge to self destruct

[Miss Laura]

I self sabotage cause of that feeling the unworthiness of a life of stability of wellness. I believe this is punishment and if I get better then I'm doing something wrong

[*Beth*]

I did when I was younger. Now I end up suffering physically too much, honestly.

[FluffyDinosaur]

Personally, no, I cherish the good times. I do have a tendency to be very ambitious and take on "too many" activities when I feel good, meaning more than may be optimal for my stability, but I don't intentionally sabotage my stability.

[scatterbrained04]

I probably do that sometimes but am trying not to. I have a tendency to self destruct a bit when I have a bad day, or when I start getting depressed I feel like I deserve it and make it worse. Not to the point where I quit meds though.

[gottagetup]

I don’t remember self sabotage, but in the spring or summer I start to feel good and stop taking my meds. That turns into a giant snowball because I start drinking heavy again (alcoholic) and my moods plummet to despair. Next thing you know I feel hopeless and depressed again and the cycle starts over. I hope you can find a way to overcome the self sabotage with the help of these forums, family and friends. You are worth it, try to stay positive and you deserve to have a happy life. I wish you the best. Please keep coming back to this forum, it really does help.

[Soupe du jour]

I did for a period, though I think I was mostly still teetering on the edge most of that time. Nowadays I embrace and appreciate my stability. It truly is a relief, after so many years.

When I did self-sabotage, in the past, I wouldn't say I did so because I thought "it was what I deserved". I think in my case, I was just plain afraid of having (or being able) to act normal (or rather do more "normal things") for fear of failing. "Failure" had never been in my youthful vocabulary, but it became so after the beginning of the worst years of my illness. I had had some major embarrassments and humiliations. Mental and physical explosions and crashes. I began to feel weak or lacking control. I seemed suddenly incapable, after having lived a very confident "Teflon" existence before. I felt psychological pain most intensely during my worst years. I wanted to hide to be safe. Having to come out of figurative hiding put me in jeopardy, in my mind. An exposed sensitive underbelly.

It has taken lots of time, but I am now more confident to step out beyond my previous safe haven. I've done so a little at a time, baby steps, and yet my recent move has been a comparative leap. I can't help but think that moving to another country gives me a fresh start, in a sense. I didn't do it alone, though. I still have my dear hubby, my Rock and Love. With him, I feel safe. Where I am now, I feel I have only forward to go.

[Fuzzybear]

I used to sometimes The feeling that this is a ''punishment''