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Elder
Member Since Jun 2015
Location: Czechia
Posts: 5,154
8 13.4k hugs
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#201
I'm totally exhausted yet again before 5 pm. I think I'm going to ask my psychiatrist to lower my Seroquel XR. I still "meet" with him via video session, despite being in Europe. That continuation with him has been quite valuable for me. I will eventually have to find a psychiatrist here (to prescribe my medications), but I have time. All of my doctors prescribed many extra medications for the interim, and for possible increases.
We spent most of the day spending money. Some via Amazon.de (German Amazon) and the rest at the grocery store again. I'm slowly managing to fill my pantry and fridge, so I can start truly cooking again. I bought a new box grater (needed that) and peeler (have two more coming in our shipment) because life is hard for me without them. Prior to today, the only composed dishes I made were "ham & eggs" and deviled eggs. Actually, I gave the deviled eggs to the workmen at our house. My husband said they ate them all up in like a millisecond. At this precise moment, my husband is talking to his eldest sister on the phone. The one living in Germany, not Czech Republic. This is notable because they haven't spoken with each other for over 2 years. She accused him of a nonsense, way back when, so they weren't on speaking terms. However, this sister has been SO EXTREMELY CURIOUS about where we are living and how things are going that she couldn't help but end this grudge. I know that she is horny to come and see our new home. The sad part is is that she's an incredibly critical type person. It's as if she "made up" just for a chance to come and criticize. I suppose I should try to think otherwise, but that would be foolish of me. Anyway, I'm glad he's talking to her. She is his eldest sister. Siblings should talk. |
*Beth*, buddha1too, Innerzone, Nammu, Sunflower123
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Member
Member Since Mar 2015
Location: Northeast USA
Posts: 161
9 102 hugs
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#202
I am so tired of hearing other people speak. Every word that everyone utters drives me up the wall.
Also, I am so annoyed and irritable today! I sat at my desk to do some work and found myself just spinning my wheels. I need to keep writing things down: what I plan to do, what I did, and get into analysis paralysis. Unless I do this I'm totally lost. I know there are a million things I should be doing. However, unless I write them down in great detail it is as if they don't exist. I'm so fed up with myself. Every day is a vicious interminable cycle: I wake up exhausted and nauseous, wanting to just isolate myself. 5 o'clock hits and I just zone out. I thought Facebook was bad, but TikTok is 100x worse. I spend hours and hours scrolling and scrolling. I also eat inordinate amounts of ice cream and cookies. Why do I keep doing this to myself? __________________ Diagnosis: Bipolar I w/ Depression Medications: Lamictal Lyrica ECT - once / month |
*Beth*, buddha1too, Innerzone, Nammu, Soupe du jour, Sunflower123
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Crone
Member Since May 2010
Location: Some where between my inner mind and the solar system.
Posts: 71,407
(SuperPoster!)
13 53.7k hugs
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#203
Quote:
__________________ Nammu …Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …... Desiderata Max Ehrmann |
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*Beth*, buddha1too, Soupe du jour, Sunflower123
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*Beth*
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2016
Location: Where the sidewalk ends
Posts: 36,234
(SuperPoster!)
7 8,783 hugs
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#204
I’m doing ok. Therapy went well. I suppose. I told her I had an eating disorder. And she was all like “um. We decided on that before.” We have different ideas about weight loss and how someone loses weight. I told her it was just calories in calories out and she said there’s a whole lot more that goes into it. But I did tell her I don’t eat much 6 days of the week and one day I’m fine. I told her I’ve been getting dizzy and lightheaded but that I was drinking water. I don’t know she wasn’t really having any of it. She’s also kind of annoyed I won’t go to the doctor for my UTI. And she thinks it’s a bigger deal then I think it is. But I’ve just been able to ignore it so far. The last 5 minutes were probably the best and we were able to work through things so stuff wasn’t left hanging. She wants me to think about why I treat my cats better then I treat myself. Because I have to take one to the vet today. and she also wants me to think about do I want my self worth to be tied to my weight. But yeah it went good today and she agreed. I feel fine now. Usually I’d be all down in the dumps. Or else I just feel better overall because of my split dose and can handle her better then I normally would be able to. I don’t know. I know I feel a lot less clingy with her then I used to when I was on the injection every other week and emailing her everyday.
__________________ Ridin' with Biden Last edited by Mountaindewed; Feb 02, 2021 at 03:37 PM.. |
*Beth*, Soupe du jour, Sunflower123
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catches the flowers
Member Since Jul 2019
Location: Downtown Vibes, California
Posts: 15,701
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4 23.7k hugs
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#205
Quote:
Cats are not as costly as dogs are. There are so very many cats that need homes...you could find just the right one for you. Purebred cats generally have their breed-specific health issues. Shelters and rescues are full of needy kittens and cats. I think a mental health pet is a wonderful idea. __________________ |
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Soupe du jour
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2016
Location: Where the sidewalk ends
Posts: 36,234
(SuperPoster!)
7 8,783 hugs
given |
#206
The cat is ok. They just got some mats off him and gave him his rabies shot. It wasn’t as bad or as expensive as I thought it would be. Then I came home and got a nice size check from my old job. It was my retirement fund so that’s not exactly good in the long run. But right now it will really help.
I’m not sure what’s wrong with me though. It started suddenly on the way to the vet. I thought I just needed to use the bathroom. So I used there’s but then I just got this really bad pain in my right side, a headache, and blurry vision and nausea. I came home, took a couple Tylenol and a Xanax. And I ate a bowl of spaghettios. I know I’ve been neglecting my physical health problems but I didn’t know things would get this bad. I’m still torn about going to the doctor. I don’t have a fever. And I haven’t thrown up yet. So I don’t know. __________________ Ridin' with Biden |
*Beth*, Soupe du jour, Sunflower123
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*Beth*
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Silver Swan
Member Since Jan 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 16,475
(SuperPoster!)
16 2,551 hugs
given |
#207
Quote:
__________________ Wellbutrin XL 300 mg Loxapine 50mg Ingrezza 80 mg Ativan .5 mg 2x/day Propranolol 20 mg 2x/day Mania (December 2023) Mixed episode/Hypomania (September 2023) Depression, Anxiety and Intrusive thoughts (September 2021) Depression & Psychosis (July/August 2021) Mania (April/May 2019) |
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Anonymous41462, Soupe du jour
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Soupe du jour
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Silver Swan
Member Since Jan 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 16,475
(SuperPoster!)
16 2,551 hugs
given |
#208
I spent the evening writing two poems!
https://bipolarhallucidations.blogspot.com They are in February- and there are two in January as well. I need some critiques! I sent one to my longtime penpal and he refused to say anything because his interpretations would be different than mine! Hrumph. __________________ Wellbutrin XL 300 mg Loxapine 50mg Ingrezza 80 mg Ativan .5 mg 2x/day Propranolol 20 mg 2x/day Mania (December 2023) Mixed episode/Hypomania (September 2023) Depression, Anxiety and Intrusive thoughts (September 2021) Depression & Psychosis (July/August 2021) Mania (April/May 2019) Last edited by Moose72; Feb 02, 2021 at 10:38 PM.. |
*Beth*, dsmith, Soupe du jour
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dsmith
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Veteran Member
Member Since Sep 2011
Posts: 735
12 2,547 hugs
given |
#209
Quote:
I can still get myself tied up in knots reliving the horrors of my past. In addition to having bipolar disorder & having screwed things up due to mania & prolonged depressive episodes, I'm also a recovering alcoholic! I've had to clean up many, many messes over the decades. There are days, however, when I think it's too late to mend fences & recover. I'm at the age where I should be thinking about a peaceful retirement but, instead, find myself on disability with no nest egg to count on due to shameful spending during manic episodes & drinking episodes. Maybe I'll try Scrabble the next time I'm having "one of those days." Good luck carrying on. Thanks for the hope. |
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*Beth*, Innerzone, Soupe du jour
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Guest
Posts: n/a
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#210
The second night of my benzo taper went fine too. So, this is going really well. I'm glad because i was scared.
My Scrabble pal texted me today and we chatted for a while, then she asked for a game. My first impulse was to say no because she is playing on an old platform that i am trying to get away from. But that would have been @n@! and my top priority is to make friends and that means taking people up on their offers. So i changed gears and said yes and we played! So that was a bit of vicarious company today and another step in our friendship. So proud of myself that i put friendship ahead of my own pickiness! |
*Beth*, BeyondtheRainbow, buddha1too, Innerzone, Soupe du jour, Sunflower123
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*Beth*, Innerzone
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Legendary
Member Since Apr 2012
Location: Earth
Posts: 14,908
(SuperPoster!)
12 5,443 hugs
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#211
Quote:
There's also low income clinics that offer cheaper services. Including training. __________________ Dx: Me- SzA Husband- Bipolar 1 Daughter- mood disorder+ Comfortable broken and happy "So I don't know why I'm tongue tied At the wrong time when I need this."- P!nk My blog |
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Nammu, Soupe du jour, Sunflower123
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*Beth*, Moose72
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Legendary
Member Since Apr 2012
Location: Earth
Posts: 14,908
(SuperPoster!)
12 5,443 hugs
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#212
I stayed in bed until 3 pm today because of my anxiety. H asked if I'm going to get on my AD med again...NOPE . Unless I wake up tomorrow worse. If it's much worse it'll cross into paranoia I think. I still don't have insurance this month and I have to get my shot Thursday. I don't know what to do. They said it could take up to the 15th but they have no more information than we do.
__________________ Dx: Me- SzA Husband- Bipolar 1 Daughter- mood disorder+ Comfortable broken and happy "So I don't know why I'm tongue tied At the wrong time when I need this."- P!nk My blog |
*Beth*, Soupe du jour, Sunflower123
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Monster on the Hill
Member Since Sep 2020
Location: by the river
Posts: 4,153
(SuperPoster!)
3 4,851 hugs
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#213
I'm actually kinda sore today. Yesterday I shoveled the entire driveway by myself and went for a hike. Things get much more difficult when there's 8" of fresh and your snowshoes are too small.
My mood's been much more stable the past couple days. I hope I can get more temazepam tomorrow because sleeping is cool. __________________ Live life for nothing but that sweet sweet melody. |
*Beth*, Innerzone, Soupe du jour, Sunflower123
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Elder
Member Since Jun 2015
Location: Czechia
Posts: 5,154
8 13.4k hugs
given |
#214
Quote:
That was a smart move, I think, too. I hope your friendship develops nicely. |
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Anonymous41462, bizi
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2016
Location: Where the sidewalk ends
Posts: 36,234
(SuperPoster!)
7 8,783 hugs
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#215
I feel kind of sad today because it’s my birthday tomorrow. I don’t usually do much anyways to celebrate it. But I’ve always been busy with other normal things. I usually work on my birthday. Then I go out for dinner. Last year I don’t remember if I had to work but I had a therapy appointment and then a doctors appointment and then we went out to dinner. So it’s not like I usually take the day off for fun stuff. But I think I feel bad because I actually miss work and in person therapy appointment instead of being sad because it’s just my birthday.
__________________ Ridin' with Biden |
*Beth*, bizi, buddha1too, Sunflower123
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Elder
Member Since Jun 2015
Location: Czechia
Posts: 5,154
8 13.4k hugs
given |
#216
I'm in bed with a sore back and it's only 6:30 pm, my time. Hubby did give me an arnica cream rub, but I had to ask for it. I'd hoped after groaning and complaining about my sore back that he'd volunteer, but nope. Anyway, I'm glad to have time to myself. Hubby is serving up dinner for our two handymen that have been staying with us. I made a HUGE pot of Czech potato soup. It took me a long time since it was a double recipe and involved several vegetables I needed to peel and chop. I hope they like it. Hubby will also reheat some takeout dinner we bought for them yesterday. Basically pork cutlets in mushroom cream sauce with mashed potatoes. They came with French fries, too, but I told Hubby to skip them. Plus, one of the handymen swiped my new roasting pan, for some reason. I'm sure he'll return it, but I was looking for it everywhere yesterday. We found it in the room he's sleeping in filled with a huge bag of cheap cigarettes. That roasting pan is the closest I have to cookie sheet, until our stuff finally arrives. Why his bag of cigarettes needs such such a "bed" is beyond me. I told Hubby that if it does disappear for good, we should let it go and buy a new one, after they leave.
Speaking of our stuff, it might arrive this Friday. I hope, hope, hope. It seems that the shipping company people might be giving us a hard time about the payment. Long story short, I think they are mafioso types. That's not at all unusual for certain industries on the east coast. I think our old homeowner's association management company were mafioso-types. Always trying to cheat you out of money or not pay you when you're supposed to be. The problem is is that they "get you". They sometimes threaten fines or make your life miserable in other ways. In the end, it is often best to just give them what they want and run far far away. |
*Beth*, Anonymous41462, bizi, Innerzone, Sunflower123, Victoria'smom
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Legendary
Member Since Apr 2012
Location: Earth
Posts: 14,908
(SuperPoster!)
12 5,443 hugs
given |
#217
Ex T called. She changed my T to a female with more experience and more availability. So scheduling is going to call. So we'll see. She also reminded me to get my shot tomorrow. I'm just going to go and hope everything works out. I haven't seen pdoc in months, no meds except the shot. So we'll see. I'm so scattered today. I have headphones on just to type this. I'm scared they're going to up the injection. I can't afford to go more then 1x a month.
__________________ Dx: Me- SzA Husband- Bipolar 1 Daughter- mood disorder+ Comfortable broken and happy "So I don't know why I'm tongue tied At the wrong time when I need this."- P!nk My blog |
*Beth*, bizi, buddha1too, Soupe du jour, Sunflower123
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Veteran Member
Member Since Sep 2011
Posts: 735
12 2,547 hugs
given |
#218
Quote:
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*Beth*, bizi, Sunflower123
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Silver Swan
Member Since Jan 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 16,475
(SuperPoster!)
16 2,551 hugs
given |
#219
Quote:
__________________ Wellbutrin XL 300 mg Loxapine 50mg Ingrezza 80 mg Ativan .5 mg 2x/day Propranolol 20 mg 2x/day Mania (December 2023) Mixed episode/Hypomania (September 2023) Depression, Anxiety and Intrusive thoughts (September 2021) Depression & Psychosis (July/August 2021) Mania (April/May 2019) |
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bizi
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Silver Swan
Member Since Jan 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 16,475
(SuperPoster!)
16 2,551 hugs
given |
#220
Writing more poetry tonight. Well, wrote. It's been put on my blog and in the two books that I'm keeping my poetry in. https://bipolarhallucidations.blogspot.com
__________________ Wellbutrin XL 300 mg Loxapine 50mg Ingrezza 80 mg Ativan .5 mg 2x/day Propranolol 20 mg 2x/day Mania (December 2023) Mixed episode/Hypomania (September 2023) Depression, Anxiety and Intrusive thoughts (September 2021) Depression & Psychosis (July/August 2021) Mania (April/May 2019) |
bizi
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