[NaoSky]

So I’ve been thinking about this... and speaking about it with my mom who has bipolar. I’m also going to talk more with my cousin who has it.

With my mom, I told her yesterday that as bad as it is that we have this disorder and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, I’m glad that I now have it too, like God gave it to me for a purpose. Growing up I never understood my mom. I thought she hated me. When she would have multiple boyfriends after she left my dad, I thought she was a slut. When she forgot to throw me a 16 year old birthday After she didn’t even give me a quince, which she had when she was 15... I thought she detested me.... when I turned 18 I moved out immediately.

When my first daughter turned 1, I took her away from her grandma because she was going through an episode and I didn’t want my daughter to be around that. I didn’t understand bipolar back then. I kept her away for over a year!!! When my mom went through depressions, I was there for her... but when she normalized it was in hypomania, I couldn’t stand being around her. My mom has always walked on egg shells during stable periods because she’s always afraid that people will say she’s manic. I realized, even now just thinking about it, that My mom has never learned to be happy during stable periods of her life because she’s afraid of being judged. She doesn’t want to lose us... so when she’s gone through manic times she has learned to fake like it’s just being happy... so we stopped realizing over the years when she’s manic. It’s only if she peaks too high. But we always know when she’s depressed....

Anyway, I told her yesterday that this had to be a blessing because maybe now she has someone on her side... someone that understands her. I told her I understand her 150%!!!!! And now we have a greater bond than I could ever imagine. I love my mom to the moon and back, finally!!!! It has actually brought some healing to me and my mom. We are now there for each other no matter what.

So ya this could have initially began as a curse, but to me I’m now blessed with insight. Not that I wanted it and definitely do not want to ever hit a depression again... but now I know that I can survive it. My mom has many times, she gives me strength and now I can help her have her true happiness!!!! I’m helping take away the stigma for her. I will never let anyone call her crazy, ever again!!!!!!!

With my cousin... he also helped me because he’s lived with it since he was 18 and he’s now 40. He learned to accept it 5 years ago and sees it as a gift. He told me that when I was depressed and I thought he was either crazy or super strong... I never thought I would accept it. Now I do and I understand where he is coming from. We are meeting up for lunch next week and I’m so excited to talk to him in my stable state about so much!!!!!

[Soupe du jour]

NaoSky, thanks so much for sharing your interesting story and how you've come to understand, and in some way appreciate your unique experience, and your mom's.

I guess in one way I wonder what my life would have been like, if I never had bipolar disorder. And yet, I'm so grateful for my experiences, and where I am today. There are indeed many things I wouldn't have done or seen without the disorder. I honestly can't imagine that I would have seen much more without it. I guess. In any case, though I have experienced losses and great pain, as a result, so have I experienced extreme pleasures. The mere experiences of them have helped me grow in ways that many others do not. I suppose part of it is me, not just my bipolar disorder. Yes, me, as well. I am not the disorder, but the disorder made me see and feel things I might not have, otherwise.

I often say that the journey of recovery and discovery I've been through has made me wiser than ever. Also, one must develop the capability to see the positives over the negatives, in the end. You can determine your own final perspective. Not everyone has that ability, or at least learned it. Not everyone can put the negative parts of the past in the past, where they belong. Those who never forgive, themselves and others, do themselves great harm.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) mastery, is an excellent means of improving perspective. That is what it is all about. Modifying (or fighting) negative cognitive disortions. Transforming the negative to positive.

[NaoSky]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

NaoSky, thanks so much for sharing your interesting story and how you've come to understand, and in some way appreciate your unique experience, and your mom's.

I guess in one way I wonder what my life would have been like, if I never had bipolar disorder. And yet, I'm so grateful for my experiences, and where I am today. There are indeed many things I wouldn't have done or seen without the disorder. I honestly can't imagine that I would have seen much more without it. I guess. In any case, though I have experienced losses and great pain, as a result, so have I experienced extreme pleasures. The mere experiences of them have helped me grow in ways that many others do not. I suppose part of it is me, not just my bipolar disorder. Yes, me, as well. I am not the disorder, but the disorder made me see and feel things I might not have, otherwise.

I often say that the journey of recovery and discovery I've been through has made me wiser than ever. Also, one must develop the capability to see the positives over the negatives, in the end. You can determine your own final perspective. Not everyone has that ability, or at least learned it. Not everyone can put the negative parts of the past in the past, where they belong. Those who never forgive, themselves and others, do themselves great harm.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) mastery, is an excellent means of improving perspective. That is what it is all about. Modifying (or fighting) negative cognitive disortions. Transforming the negative to positive.

@Soupe du jour thank you for your wonderful reply!! You sound exactly like my cousin who also had bipolar, he’s had it since he was 18. I’m a newbie. We are going out to lunch next week to talk about so many things. I’m so excited. He is so grateful that he now has someone in our family that he can talk to and who actually relates. He’s 2 years younger than me too. He was the person who really got me through the depression as well as my mom... but she was always in denial where he actually knew he had it and was on meds. He made me feel a lot more comfortable with my diagnosis and told me it wasn’t a death sentence. He told me I had so many gifts and talents to give to the world.... one is now helping others who have mental illness. We both want to help people get past the stigma and learn to embrace this and our lives. It’s like we have a whole new perspective on life!!

We are definitely using CBT strategies!! Thank you for your response, it means a lot!!