Awareness

Do you all think that we can be hyper aware of our thoughts/moods/emotions the minute anything changes? I'm just wondering because I know we all caution each other to be careful when we post something that may seem a little out of character for a person. But at the same time, how are we to determine that its just a "normal" part of life and not a mood swing?

I'm hyper aware of my moods. Sometimes I wish I wasn't. It's akin to take my temperature and blood pressure reading every 5 minutes. That said, I still don't know what my "normal" is, because I don't even know if I have a normal.

Mood swings are a normal part of life for most everyone, IMO. I think it's a matter of intensity & duration for folks with BD. When we get into the mire, it's probably important to determine those factors. One thing that helps me is an app that tracks moods on a daily basis. To be honest, I haven't used it lately, but when I did, it helped me separate random mood swings from longterm trends. I think it's perfectly normal to have a healthy fear of depression given the fact that most of us have suffered long & hard in its grip. Ditto with mania. It's sad, however, to piss on a few good days by worrying about whether one is hypo, or not. Sometimes we just have to go with the flow of life. I'm writing this from a good mental space, though...

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Originally Posted by buddha1too Mood swings are a normal part of life for most everyone, IMO. I think it's a matter of intensity & duration for folks with BD. ...

Good observation. True. We're outside the lines.

Great question!

I think it's important to monitor our moods and their fluctuations, but I do think it can go too far.

I can't tell you how important it is to know and understand your 'normal.' It's different for everyone (i.e. some people are, within their normal, more impulsive than others, some are more hyper than others, some are more melancholy than others, etc., etc.). Normal is a range of emotion, not just one emotion. You can have mood swings WITHIN that normal.

And I think it can be empowering to know where your normal lies (I was actually going to say normal was akin to 'stable,' but really it's not, because within your 'I'm not in a BP episode', can lie anxiety, panic attacks, PTSD triggers, situational depression, situational hypomania-like-light moods, etc.) I say empowering because you will know yourself better, and not be looking for BP symptoms under every rock, which has to be exhausting, amongst other things. It might also lead to less unnecessary med changes, when with every change in mood, we want to tweak our meds to make us feel better.

For example (and this is re anxiety, not BP), I was noticing the day before yesterday that I was very anxious, and noticing I was anxious made me even more anxious, because I didn't know when it would stop. But then I thought about it and realized why; it was obvious, but I just wasn't thinking. So extra klonopin avoided, and I just felt so much better knowing why.

I wish I could give advice as to HOW to determine what your range of normal is. I think, in my case, it's been experience with myself (I'm turning 50 in a week!) and lots and lots of therapy (and I still misread things at times until my T and/or pdoc redirects me). I think any good therapist will tell you that not every blip in mood is reason for alarm, and a good pdoc will not change around meds if you can convey to them that, yes, it's very uncomfortable, awful even, but I know it's within my normal and I don't think I need any med changes. On the other hand, if what you present to the pdoc is that this is part of BP, when it is not, you may get med changes you don't need, at least in part because pdocs don't spend the time (or have the time) to suss out what is going wrong, unlike T's.

Amazing post, Gaby Thank you, this makes complete sense to me. I try and give myself days before I bring it to the attention of my pdoc. I also track my moods with an app to notice any trends, but so far nothing. Just reactions to drama in life that affects my moods here and there. Thanks again for the clarification!

i agree with the other wise and wonderful posters. i think being aware of our own moods and feelings is not a bad thing by itself as it allows you to better understand whether they're coming as a natural reaction of your own environment or mostly part of your bipolar. As long as it doesn't become a source of anxiety itself, i think keeping your mood in check is mostly a beneficial thing at least in moderation. Sending many Safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @gina_re, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

Most of the feelings I have feel so intense and extreme that when they hit (especially the negative ones - depression, anxiety, sometimes anger) I feel like I literally cannot wait to take action (medication change, talk to someone, etc.). The pain is unbearable. To me, it feels like I am having a life-threatening allergic reaction to my own feelings. I question whether such intensity is indicative of bipolar disorder, or is it (God forbid) my "normal?"

It is definitely indicative of bipolar disorder. I hate knowing that mind has to be focused on something or the thoughts will take me somewhere I don't want to go. Your pain is pain I understand and can relate to.

What you talk about sounds excruciating.

As for your last sentence, I think it can be both. In the sense that some of what you're feeling might be 'within your (personal) normal' and some of it BP. The issue is figuring out what might be best treated with therapy (including emergency appointments) and what might be best treated by med changes.

I think, as people with Bipolar Disorder, we have access to a great many prescriptions; meds that others don't have access to because they don't have such a diagnosis, so it's easier, in a way, to go the med route when very intense emotions arise. In other words, pdocs, I think, will often readily prescribe changes in meds (additions, increased doses) when we indicate we need it. Whereas those without such a diagnosis kind of have to sit with their feelings and/or consult a therapist (who might teach them how to sit with their emotions).

How to distinguish between intense, excruciating emotions and BP episodes? That's a hard one. I think 'know thyself' is very helpful: do these emotions arise usually only under certain circumstances? In other words, have you been 'triggered' by something? Or is this part of an arc of an episode, sometimes triggered, sometimes not, but persistent, often even after the trigger goes away?

I don't pretend to have all the answers. I so wish there were T's out there who specialize in, or at least have a lot of experience with BP. I do believe that they are best suited to help us figure these things out.

Best of luck on your journey.

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Originally Posted by coolbreez It is definitely indicative of bipolar disorder. I hate knowing that mind has to be focused on something or the thoughts will take me somewhere I don't want to go. Your pain is pain I understand and can relate to.

Thank you for sharing that, coolbreez. My therapist insists that the intense feelings are def part of BD, too. I had thought possibly BPD, but I don't have any other indications of BPD.

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Originally Posted by Gabyunbound What you talk about sounds excruciating. As for your last sentence, I think it can be both. In the sense that some of what you're feeling might be 'within your (personal) normal' and some of it BP. The issue is figuring out what might be best treated with therapy (including emergency appointments) and what might be best treated by med changes. Precisely. Your observation is excellent, Gaby. My experience is that therapy certainly helps, but that my meds need to be in order first. I think, as people with Bipolar Disorder, we have access to a great many prescriptions; meds that others don't have access to because they don't have such a diagnosis, so it's easier, in a way, to go the med route when very intense emotions arise. In other words, pdocs, I think, will often readily prescribe changes in meds (additions, increased doses) when we indicate we need it. Whereas those without such a diagnosis kind of have to sit with their feelings and/or consult a therapist (who might teach them how to sit with their emotions). So true! I have spoken at length with my T about this subject. She's firm about clients with BD being as stable as possible on meds when she works with them (us). If we aren't stable, she says it's very difficult to do the necessary work in therapy. How to distinguish between intense, excruciating emotions and BP episodes? That's a hard one. I think 'know thyself' is very helpful: do these emotions arise usually only under certain circumstances? In other words, have you been 'triggered' by something? Or is this part of an arc of an episode, sometimes triggered, sometimes not, but persistent, often even after the trigger goes away? Interestingly, for me - both. Which supports the assertion that the "allergic reaction to emotions" is both (for me) BD and just...me - and maladaptive coping skills I learned in childhood. I don't pretend to have all the answers. I so wish there were T's out there who specialize in, or at least have a lot of experience with BP. I do believe that they are best suited to help us figure these things out. Your insights are truly amazing. I'm carrying them with me. Thank you, Gaby. Best of luck on your journey.

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