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Elder
Member Since Mar 2013
Location: NJ
Posts: 6,434
11 9,563 hugs
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May 23, 2021 at 08:47 AM
#261
Lost my damn mind last night. I dunno what happened, maybe I was trying to escape from my midnight introspection. But when I finally went to my room at 2ish I totally freaked and couldn’t stop thinking about harming myself. I was afraid to leave the room because I knew there was my instrument of choice within reach. And I also knew that I really needed to take Xanax or I would never ever sleep. But I was also afraid to dispense it to myself. I just felt bad waking RS up so I finally called myself an idiot and internally yelled at myself to calm down a hundred times and then went to the bathroom, came back, and took the...slightly higher recommended dose of Xanax (but not even close to dangerous). Then I passed out from sheer exhaustion.
I woke up at 8am still like slurring my words from lack of sleep but I feel better now with some food in my stomach. I gotta keep chillin today. It’s lazy Sunday and it’s going to be 90 some odd degrees so it’s a good day to just stay in and watch some movies. As long as I stay out of my bed and with my family I should be ok. Can’t get trapped in my mind again. __________________ Of course it is happening inside your head. But why on earth should that mean that it is not real? -Albus Dumbledore That’s life. If nothing else, that is life. It’s real. Sometimes it f—-ing hurts. But it’s sort of all we have. -Garden State |
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 *Beth*, Anonymous41462, Anonymous45023, buddha1too, Mountaindewed, Nammu, Soupe du jour, Sunflower123, VerMOZZica, Victoria'smom, ~Christina
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 ~Christina
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2016
Location: Where the sidewalk ends
Posts: 38,784
(SuperPoster!)
8 9,763 hugs
given
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May 23, 2021 at 09:44 AM
#262
I kinda panicked last night mental health wise. Not sure why. But this happens every month. The only solution my doctor said that would get rid of it completely would be to get surgery. I took three 80 milligram Geodon, one 20 milligram Geodon, 36 milligrams of melatonin, and a mil of Xanax. I woke up this morning feeling fine but kinda lightheaded. I went for a purple dragonfruit refresher from Dunkin Donuts and then I took a walk to the gas station. I got some cool/rare stuff. I think my issue last night was just the usual Saturday before my period S panic attack stuff.
That is when this stuff usually happens. It happens on a Saturday 9 days before my supposed period and then I’m fine. My heart is racing and I’m a bit lightheaded. I just took my blood pressure and it is normal. My pulse is 76. So it’s most likely just anxiety. I haven’t taken any Geodon today. Or anything. I gave my mom my Geodon to hang onto since I don’t trust myself with it I had 2 glasses of cold water today. One an hour ago, the other 5 minutes ago and I had no issue with either one. What a weird side effect though from the vaccine. Psychosomatic or real it was still strange. __________________ I'm Blue Last edited by Mountaindewed; May 23, 2021 at 12:39 PM.. |
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| Anonymous41462, Sunflower123, Victoria'smom, wildflowerchild25
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Guest
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May 23, 2021 at 10:31 AM
#263
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| Anonymous41462, BeyondtheRainbow
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BeyondtheRainbow
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catches the flowers
Member Since Jul 2019
Location: Downtown Vibes, California
Posts: 15,701
(SuperPoster!)
5 23.7k hugs
given
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May 23, 2021 at 10:43 AM
#264
Quote:
I'm sending you a big hug 
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| Anonymous41462, BeyondtheRainbow
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BeyondtheRainbow
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catches the flowers
Member Since Jul 2019
Location: Downtown Vibes, California
Posts: 15,701
(SuperPoster!)
5 23.7k hugs
given
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May 23, 2021 at 10:47 AM
#265
Quote:
I am really sorry you're being given a hard time, because that quote is perfect. I can understand your aunt just by reading it. __________________ |
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| Anonymous41462, buddha1too, Soupe du jour
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buddha1too, Soupe du jour
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Guest
Posts: n/a
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May 23, 2021 at 10:55 AM
#266
Quote:
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| Anonymous41462, buddha1too
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buddha1too
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Crone
Member Since May 2010
Location: Some where between my inner mind and the solar system.
Posts: 73,971
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14 57.3k hugs
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May 23, 2021 at 12:43 PM
#267
Buddha, what you found sounds perfect to me. Political? They are reaching. I’m sorry they’re being such boob heads. It’s hard to observe the passing of someone we treasure when others make the remembrance all about them. Maybe you can have your own remembrance at a special place.
__________________ Nammu …Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …... Desiderata Max Ehrmann |
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| Anonymous41462
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*Beth*, Soupe du jour
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Elder
Member Since Jun 2015
Location: Czechia
Posts: 5,156
9 13.4k hugs
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May 23, 2021 at 03:58 PM
#268
@buddha1too, I think the bible reading you chose is lovely and it's how you saw your aunt. Eulogies and other selections are offered in a personal and individual way. You are free to express what meant a lot to you about your aunt. They can do their thing. They are not meant to be censors muting you. Don't get angry at them if you know they can't mute you. No need to argue. Say what is in your heart. If they bug you about it, you can just tell them to spend that time worrying about their own eulogies, instead.
A story to accompany a quote or bible reading speaks volumes. Maybe no need to mention MSNBC, but of course you can say what went into her core passions, and what they really were. Rachel Maddow, Ari Melber, Joy Reid, and Chris Hayes (or others) won't mind the slights. And since when has being kind to the poor and weak become more political than Christian? If people really feel it is more political, one must pity them. One need not even be religious to be a true Christian soul, of sorts. Sadly, there are some who call themselves "Christian", who don't really think and act like one. I'm sorry for your loss, buddha1too 
Last edited by Soupe du jour; May 23, 2021 at 04:47 PM.. |
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| Anonymous41462, buddha1too
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*Beth*, buddha1too, Nammu, VerMOZZica, ~Christina
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Elder
Member Since Mar 2013
Location: NJ
Posts: 6,434
11 9,563 hugs
given
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May 23, 2021 at 04:40 PM
#269
Still feeling pretty horrible. When my son was at his computer coding lessons I actually forced myself to talk and be open with RS. It’s so hard to do that...everyone else has either made me feel unimportant or gotten angry at me. But he did not. He just listened. I think I’ll be able to start trusting him but it’s going to be a slow process. I did feel better for awhile but there’s still this knot of panic in my chest and stomach. I actually did search for my weapons of choice but turns out they got thrown out in the move. I imagine they were discovered and disposed of, whether anyone was aware of their intended use I don’t know. But I guess that’s actually good.
I did have RS take control of my meds though based on the Xanax incident last night. It’s not even one specific medication, it’s the sheer volume of them that I have at my disposal. The 90 day refills just kept coming through. So he took them and put them somewhere after I filled my med box for the week. That was SUPER hard for me to admit to. But again, he didn’t get mad so... __________________ Of course it is happening inside your head. But why on earth should that mean that it is not real? -Albus Dumbledore That’s life. If nothing else, that is life. It’s real. Sometimes it f—-ing hurts. But it’s sort of all we have. -Garden State |
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| *Beth*, Anonymous41462, Anonymous45023, buddha1too, Nammu, Soupe du jour, Sunflower123, ~Christina
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catches the flowers
Member Since Jul 2019
Location: Downtown Vibes, California
Posts: 15,701
(SuperPoster!)
5 23.7k hugs
given
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May 23, 2021 at 04:45 PM
#270
Quote:
Thank you. __________________ |
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| Anonymous41462, Soupe du jour
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Soupe du jour
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catches the flowers
Member Since Jul 2019
Location: Downtown Vibes, California
Posts: 15,701
(SuperPoster!)
5 23.7k hugs
given
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May 23, 2021 at 04:49 PM
#271
I'm having a really rough time right now. London, my kitty, has been throwing up every time he eats. Since his labs and other tests were all normal, and since he's only 3 years old, what he's experiencing is probably food intolerance. He probably needs a prescription food. But I'm so frightened and anxious.
Worn out. __________________ |
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| Anonymous41462, Anonymous45023, buddha1too, Nammu, Soupe du jour, Sunflower123, VerMOZZica, Victoria'smom, wildflowerchild25, ~Christina
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~Christina
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Wise Elder
Member Since Apr 2015
Location: US
Posts: 9,660
(SuperPoster!)
9 11.9k hugs
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May 23, 2021 at 05:09 PM
#272
Quote:
I also had a cat with recurrent pancreatitis and he also got the ear gel med and a low fat diet (I managed without a prescription diet because the old cat couldn't have eaten his prescription so I found foods that met both their needs with a bit of dedicated shopping at the pet store. At this point I finally have only one cat and she is healthy. It's the first time I've had a healthy cat in many years. She's only 4 so I hope she stays healthy for a long time. I hope London feels better soon and so do you. I know it is so hard trying to figure out how to make them feel better. __________________ Bipolar 1, PTSD, GAD, OCD. Clozapine 250 mg, Emsam 12 mg/day patch, topamax 25 mg, ,Gabapentin 1600 mg & 100-2 PRN,. 2 mg clonazepam., 75 mg Seroquel and 12.5 mg PRNx2 daily |
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| *Beth*, Anonymous41462, Anonymous45023, buddha1too, Soupe du jour, Sunflower123, ~Christina
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*Beth*, Nammu
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since May 2013
Location: Chicago
Posts: 26,424
(SuperPoster!)
11 22.8k hugs
given
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May 23, 2021 at 05:16 PM
#273
Quote:
Hugs BethRags..... Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk __________________ Hugs! 
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| *Beth*, Anonymous41462
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*Beth*
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since May 2013
Location: Chicago
Posts: 26,424
(SuperPoster!)
11 22.8k hugs
given
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May 23, 2021 at 05:17 PM
#274
Bought some silk painting supplies to try to prop up my mood.
Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk __________________ Hugs!
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| *Beth*, Anonymous41462, Anonymous45023, buddha1too, Nammu, Soupe du jour, Sunflower123, ~Christina
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~Christina
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catches the flowers
Member Since Jul 2019
Location: Downtown Vibes, California
Posts: 15,701
(SuperPoster!)
5 23.7k hugs
given
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May 23, 2021 at 08:30 PM
#275
Quote:
Thank you, Rainbow. __________________ |
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| Anonymous41462, BeyondtheRainbow
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catches the flowers
Member Since Jul 2019
Location: Downtown Vibes, California
Posts: 15,701
(SuperPoster!)
5 23.7k hugs
given
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May 23, 2021 at 08:31 PM
#276
I'm coming apart. Going to bed early.
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| Anonymous41462, Anonymous45023, BeyondtheRainbow, buddha1too, Soupe du jour, Sunflower123, VerMOZZica, Victoria'smom, wildflowerchild25, ~Christina
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~Christina
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Legendary Wise Elder
Community Liaison
Member Since Jul 2011
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 22,450
(SuperPoster!)
13 12.7k hugs
given
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May 23, 2021 at 09:58 PM
#277
Quote:
__________________ Helping others gets me out of my own head ~ |
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| *Beth*, Anonymous41462
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*Beth*
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Legendary Wise Elder
Community Liaison
Member Since Jul 2011
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 22,450
(SuperPoster!)
13 12.7k hugs
given
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May 23, 2021 at 10:02 PM
#278
Well my cleaning as come roaring back into my life. Its a huge coping skill so I am grateful.
My hands are screaming in pain, I always have pain between Fibro and PsA But I scrubbed both bathrooms by hand and they are both very big and then just my Normal obsessive cleaning. Yeah ouch! Hugs to all
__________________ Helping others gets me out of my own head ~ |
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| *Beth*, Anonymous41462, Anonymous45023, buddha1too, Nammu, Soupe du jour, Sunflower123
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Sunflower123
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2016
Location: Where the sidewalk ends
Posts: 38,784
(SuperPoster!)
8 9,763 hugs
given
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May 24, 2021 at 04:08 AM
#279
I took 36 milligrams of melatonin and 3 milligrams of Xanax last night. This PMS sucks. My stomach was messed up and I woke up at one point around 8:30 because I wanted orange juice. Then I woke up at 9:30 because I wanted water. We got pizza for dinner and it seems every time we get pizza I get so thirsty. My mom has been *****y nonstop for awhile and I finally had a slight tone with her and she got angry and started *****ing at me again about being crabby and about how much she sacrificed for us to be here. Which Is for sure not true. My brother and I sacrificed a lot more and we weren’t the ones wanting to move and we also weren’t the ones walking away with a $30 thousand check from selling and buying. She’s just being so crabby and I don’t think she realizes it. I’ve been walking on eggshells around her for weeks if not months because of her behavior towards me. I just don’t know how she doesn’t get how she’s acting.
But anyways I’ve been up since 3:30. I’m not very tired although my stomach is still off. I took a 60 Geodon since they don’t make me tired and I took a Pepcid for my stomach. __________________ I'm Blue |
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| *Beth*, Anonymous41462
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Member
Member Since Mar 2013
Posts: 443
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May 24, 2021 at 06:53 AM
#280
Quote:
You’ve gotta stop messing with your Geodon - that is real bad news for your heart. |
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| Anonymous41462
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| Closed Thread |
This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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