Bipolar check-in #56

Going to the pool all day to float. I think it’s important to build in positive things in light of the situation and uncertainty with my brother. I told mom we’re going to start going back to the movies every Tuesday for the $5.50 bargains. We saw movies we’d never consider but that were really good before the pandemic hit.

Hugs to all

I'm sorry to read that you are still feeling so unwell. I can imagine that a change in medication provider is anxiety-provoking. I would certainly hope the new NP wouldn't just stop any benzo. If they hint at it, perhaps a compromise would work. Meaning just a mini step down in dose?

My new Czech psychiatrist was relieved to hear that I had recently been weaned off of my small dose of Klonopin. However, I did tell him that I still have Ativan for "as needed" purposes, though I will say that I rarely take it. I think he likely will prescribe it in the far future, if I really need it. Perhaps your fears about your NP are more than will be the case.

Thanks Soupe,

My T feels that due to my history of never an abuse of drugs or alcohol that she " should" leave it alone, Of course he has no idea what she will do. Centerstone has a policy of no new benzo policy for new patients. I hate that I have to wait until 3rd week to have an appt with her. So I have a long time to worry about it..

I’m guessing you don’t have a job?

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I must get this off my chest!

Last night my friend- the one who cancels dates at the last second after she's already agreed to them. She invited me out to dinner and I refused saying I have to pay for my teeth still. So she nicely says that she'll pay. At first she suggests red lobster but says "just don't order the lobster". Fine. I'm allergic to it anyway. I said I'd get the steak then because that's all they have on the menu that I can eat. Later- she changes her mind and says let's go to chili's so we both can eat there- its better for both of us she says. (I know that she's allergic to mustard but not seafood. She just doesn't enjoy seafood.)

We get to the restaurant. I'm very hungry. The menu was a QR code. I scanned it but could not navigate the menu at all. So when the waitress showed up I ordered the ribeye because I had my mind on steak from when we were going to go to red lobster. Karen orders a bowl of chili and a side of mashed potatoes. I thought for sure that she'd order the steak too because she often does- its one of her favorites. So that was strange. But we ate and talked just fine. After we ate I thanked her for the meal.

Today, she posts on Facebook that I ordered the most expensive thing on the menu on purpose knowing that she was going to pay. Of course her friends said "oh how rude! I would've ordered something cheaper..." Etc etc.

Of course now I am angry and hurt that she would think such a thing of me AND post her thoughts for the world to see. She made assumptions that are incorrect and I know that if I try to defend myself that she will want me to confess to purposefully planning to stiff her!

Rant off!
Last but not least, I am saddened that she could think that I would do such a thing.

Thinking lots of positive thoughts in your direction that the NP is great. Fibro seems *incredibly* painful, so I hope you can stay on the meds that help you to be more comfortable.

I’ve had such SI today that I’ve not been left alone. I’m not in a good place. I’m utterly defeated right now. I’ll try to get a good night sleep and rally tomorrow.

I’ve been pretty stable for like 2 months which is a big deal! Yay!! Super annoyed with AP weight gain so hoping to go down on AP soon (I’m super sensitive with AP weight gain)… fingers crossed that I maintain stability…

What does Nammu having a job or not have to do with her struggle to sleep ??

I love the support I get on here. I’m being sarcastic obviously. While I deal with S thoughts and SA and SH thoughts everyday. I don’t get any support while everyone else gets tons of it when they post the same stuff.

Maybe try being inclusive and help other people who really would like it instead of ignoring them all the time.

I know other people have said this forum is cliquish and that’s why new members don’t stay.

I have been going round in my head what to say to her but nothing seems right. I'm angry at her for her posting all over facebook. I don't want to start ww3 but I also don't think I should take all the blame and just take it laying down. I'm angry that she bad mouthed me on facebook several times even IF she didn't mention me by name!

I’m sorry you feel that way.

Why comment then on my post in the first place if you don’t care so much? Obviously you do if you are taking the time to reply. Or you would have just ignored it.

I don’t hug or thank anyone unless they reply to my stuff because I don’t know who’s put me on ignore and who hasn’t and I don’t want to trigger anyone more then they already are.

Why do you think you trigger people and they have you on ignore?

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Barely anybody replies to my posts .

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So much reading to catch up with. Thanks for the birthday wishes, but 60 is just old. I'm actually having a pretty down day. Tomorrow is my favorite aunt's memorial service. I've spent much of the week polishing her eulogy. 80% chance of rain and thunderstorms, so the graveside ceremony might be wet and depressing. Oh, well. Those are the extent of my high class problems. Hang in there, everyone.